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Original poster

Heartbroken, he wants space.

751 replies

yulelogc · 30/12/2020 01:04

Partner of a year, don't live together at the moment but had plans to very soon as I'm pregnant. Things were good I thought then tonight he said he needs space.. but that's it. He won't tell me how much space, or if it means we are together still I have no idea and whenever I ask he just says he doesn't want to hurt me and won't give me a straight answer. I'm heartbroken. I want to know where I stand but also don't want to push. I know I need to give him space but it's so hard 😔 please help me get through this I'm devastated and so confused.

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 30/12/2020 01:06

Give him a few days of zero contact. How far on are you? Does affect advice I would give.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/12/2020 01:07

I'm so sorry op. How far along are you? Wondering if he's suddenly panicking over growing up?

I think you really have to step back. Do you have a RL friend you can message every time you want to brave him? Tell him he has a week, and of he hasn't contacted you buy them you'll assume it's over. It's honestly better than months of half hearted dragging on

Original poster
yulelogc · 30/12/2020 01:14

I'm 33 weeks. Yeah I have friends I can message, I just feel so shit, he's done a u turn, last night he loved me, wanted our future, now this. I'm confused and hurt and don't know what to do with myself 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
yulelogc · 30/12/2020 01:15

He's always been happy about the baby too, really happy, so I'm 90% sure it's not the baby he doesn't want it's me 😔

OP posts:
AmywithanL · 30/12/2020 01:15

I agree. Give him what he wants. What led him to this??
My partner did the same thing with me, we had other issues at the time but I did what he asked and didnt speak, text or anything. We were back together in a week. Ultimately we have separated, however we are both miserable about that but It was my choice and I think a good one for this moment in time. We would need counselling if we wanted to try again

Original poster
yulelogc · 30/12/2020 01:19

I don't know, I'm so confused. I'm finding it ridiculously hard not to message him, how do I stop myself 😔

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 30/12/2020 01:24

Where was he when he made the decision / the night before? Any chance he's cheated?
I think given how far along you are, is term him he has a few days but if you're going to be a single parent you want time to prepare for that and to discuss and agree access and child support so you're setting a time limit

AmywithanL · 30/12/2020 01:24

Delete his number from your phone. If he wants to contact you he will x

NotaCoolMum · 30/12/2020 01:24

The second you message him you are giving him power. Give him what he asked for and LET HIM MISS YOU. Let him wonder about you.

AIMD · 30/12/2020 01:26

Is this out of the blue or have there been other issues?
Is this his first child.

To do this when you are 33 weeks pregnant is awful! Like others have said I would give him the space he has asked for. Though, if I were you, I’d need to think carefully about if I wanted him back anyway after dropping a bomb like that late in pregnancy.

Sorry you’re having a tough time x

unsuree · 30/12/2020 01:27

Don't keep messaging him, you will look desperate and that could push him away further. I know it's hard but you should try not to contact him. He clearly doesn't care about your feelings as he's backed off when you need him the most. I agree with previous comments, message a friend each time you feel like contacting him.

NotaCoolMum · 30/12/2020 01:27

Oh yes- forgot to say- he’s an asshole for doing this to you now xx 💐

SleepingStandingUp · 30/12/2020 01:33

@NotaCoolMum

Oh yes- forgot to say- he’s an asshole for doing this to you now xx 💐
This x
Original poster
yulelogc · 30/12/2020 06:15

I've deleted his number so I'm not tempted that way. But there's still Facebook which I've deleted the Facebook app so I'm not checking on him ect. I'm trying so hard, I've hardly slept. Probably had an hour.
I don't think he's cheated, 95% sure he was with a friend last night like he said he was.
I'm trying to give him space, I want to but it's killing me

OP posts:
Original poster
yulelogc · 30/12/2020 06:54

Also no not his first child he has a child already, he's a hands on dad there has him every weekend. I also have children from my marriage before. I could possibly understand things are moving fast he wants to slow down but I'm struggling with the fact he doesn't want me anymore so suddenly 😔

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 30/12/2020 07:06

I’m thinking of you, OP. How dare he cause massive stress to you and the baby by leaving you in the lurch like this. If he had issues, he should have had an adult conversation with you. His behavior speaks volumes and if this is his maturity level, it’s best to find out now. Perhaps you need to reconsider the relationship. I hope you can get support from family/friends. Flowers

Windmillwhirl · 30/12/2020 07:10

What a horrible situation. If he said he wants space, respect that, but make a decision for how long you will wait.

He's holding all the cards here so no wonder you feel so upset and on edge.

How old is he? Is this his first time as a parent?

Cecily42 · 30/12/2020 07:14

What a fucking shit with his timing Angry unless he has got some sort of crisis going on.

RedPickledCabbage · 30/12/2020 07:16

Give him his space but please remember it’s up to you when you let him back into your life. He doesn’t get to puck and chose if he wants you and baby in his life now, he’s already pushed you both aside.

He sounds immature. I’d let him know that the very, very thin ice us has chose to skate on isn’t going to last.

Sexnotgender · 30/12/2020 07:18

What a dick! I’m sorry he’s done this to you.

ivykaty44 · 30/12/2020 07:18

What a terrible way to treat your pregnant girl friend at 33 weeks, or any weeks really

I want space and off he goes. What a shock for you and total lack of any empathy or understanding from him

I’d seriously think about yourself, the baby and how you want to move forward, trust and support is needed

I bet what you want is a happy little family and he’s broken that dream, would you trust him if he did come back?

Windmillwhirl · 30/12/2020 07:19

Sorry, just saw he has other children. I'm so sorry you are feeling so vulnerable at this time.

I hope things work out for you and you get to the bottom of what's going on soon. My concern would be that he is saying a break to soften the blow, which would be very cruel to you. Stay strong and lean on your friends x

NotaCoolMum · 30/12/2020 07:40

@yulelogc Please look after yourself and your little one as much as you can. You have all of us for support and a handhold. X

HumousWhereTheHeartIs · 30/12/2020 07:50

He is selfishly putting his wants before your or your baby's needs. Has he been someone you could rely on until now?
My ExDH told me he wasn't ready to be a dad on my way to hospital to have the baby. He changed his mind once she was born but that was the end - despite me trying to continue for a few years.

SmileyClare · 30/12/2020 07:51

He's got space if you don't live together.Confused I'm afraid I think this his cowardly way of splitting up. Do you have plans in place to move in together? Can those be reversed?

The most important thing for you is to look after you. Put you, your children and the new baby first. Do you have support? Friends or family you can turn to now?

I would give it a day then take back control. I wouldn't worry about resisting calling him or trying not to look desperate. You need answers and this isn't time for game playing.

Tell him to decide what he wants and go from there as you're not interested in a half in, half out partner. Don't stand for being messed about. Commit or fuck off.

You will be ok if you split up. That's preferable to a partner that leaves you feeling so insecure and uncertain. Flowers

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