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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Heartbroken, he wants space.

751 replies

yulelogc · 30/12/2020 01:04

Partner of a year, don't live together at the moment but had plans to very soon as I'm pregnant. Things were good I thought then tonight he said he needs space.. but that's it. He won't tell me how much space, or if it means we are together still I have no idea and whenever I ask he just says he doesn't want to hurt me and won't give me a straight answer. I'm heartbroken. I want to know where I stand but also don't want to push. I know I need to give him space but it's so hard 😔 please help me get through this I'm devastated and so confused.

OP posts:
Original poster
yulelogc · 05/01/2021 21:13

@BlueThistles I've been very stressed 😩. My middle kids dad is just evil. My support worker is lovely, she rang me earlier this evening and I had a good cry to her, she's helping me through some things.

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 05/01/2021 21:20

[quote yulelogc]@BlueThistles I've been very stressed 😩. My middle kids dad is just evil. My support worker is lovely, she rang me earlier this evening and I had a good cry to her, she's helping me through some things. [/quote]

I'm sorry to hear this... if they offer ... take whatever support they offer you and the kids ... it'll allow you time to rest and recover mentally 🌺

Original poster
yulelogc · 05/01/2021 21:46

They've actually said the kids can go to school as they are under a taf, so I think that's for the best for them right now. Routine in this crazy world right now

OP posts:
Woahisme · 05/01/2021 23:14

Just coming on to say you're doing amazingly OP. Stay strong. Hope you manage to get stuff sorted regarding your ex. Keep going forwards.

SmileyClare · 06/01/2021 08:19

So all your children are classed as having safeguarding concerns (under a taf) due to one of their father's behaviour and social services are involved?

Perhaps you need to let them know about the current situation with the father of your next baby? The break up must be affecting your children too.

All things considered, you are absolutely doing the right thing by not bringing this new completely unreliable man into your children's lives.
I hope you can remain strong and work towards a reasonably amicable relationship with him in the future so that you can co parent to some extent without bringing more tension and arguments into the children's lives.

It sounds tough and you sound young yourself. Keep taking each day as it comes and putting you and the dc first.

Original poster
yulelogc · 06/01/2021 09:02

The situation between my kids dad and my ex is completely different. My kids dad abused me, he's manipulative and the safe guarding concerns are due to him not me.

OP posts:
Original poster
yulelogc · 06/01/2021 09:03

No social services are not involved. Just school and I have support from other professionals due to how the dv affected me

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 06/01/2021 09:15

Ah Ok, I don't want to offend you.
I meant from your children's point of view, they've had enough disruption and trauma in their lives. Sometimes having experienced an abusive relationship, it's harder to spot the signs and you walk into another (perhaps emotionally) abusive relationship, it can become a pattern if that makes sense. Through no fault of your own I might add.

It would be great for them and you to aim for some security and routine, just your little family rather than having your new man (potentially) flit in and out, making everyone feel insecure and making mum upset.

I wish you well. Smile

mae2014 · 07/01/2021 12:19

Hey OP, how you feeling?

Thinking of you Flowers hope today is a little better..

Xx

Honeyroar · 08/01/2021 12:23

How’s it going?

Original poster
yulelogc · 08/01/2021 13:24

Going ok. To be honest I've got other issues now with my kids dad, so my mind has been preoccupied with that. Having to seek legal advice unfortunately

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 08/01/2021 13:26

Oh heck, it never rains but it pours. Glad to hear you’re as ok as you can be anyway. Keep your chin up.

writingsonthewall · 08/01/2021 19:15

Is he still contacting you and asking to see you? Or did you tel him you'd be in contact when the baby is here?

Hope you're ok with all the other stuff. Keep on keeping on

BlueThistles · 08/01/2021 21:31

OP I'm hope your okay.. I'm not sure how many weeks you have left to go but this stress can't be helping you ... Flowers

Original poster
yulelogc · 09/01/2021 10:44

I have 5 weeks left. I'm doing ok, just seems to have been a lot of stress in my life lately.

Yes he's been in touch, we've spoke, we've sorted some things for when baby is here. At the moment I've told him I need to concentrate on my children and what's going on with them I don't have room for anything else right now. So that's that really. We want different things and I just don't have the head space for him right now

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 09/01/2021 19:14

I hope you’re ok. You’re right, you’ve had more than your share of stress lately. Please stay in touch and let us know how you’re doing every now and thenZ. Thinking of you and rooting for you.x

Itstimetoquit · 12/01/2021 18:05

How are you doing?

BlueThistles · 13/01/2021 02:18

You dud the right thing 🌺

Original poster
yulelogc · 13/01/2021 18:03

I'm doing ok, thank you for asking. Just stressed got a lot going on with my kids dad unfortunately still, and only 4 weeks away from giving birth so all a bit much. I've got lots of support though. As for him, well I've spoke to him a bit but nothing like that.

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 15/01/2021 02:41

Hoping things calm down for you OP Flowers

lovelemoncurd · 15/01/2021 03:01

I would say if he s not sticking with you now then he sure as hell won't stick with you through night feeds, dirty nappies and no sleep. I would move on and ditch the arsehole.

BlueThistles · 15/01/2021 03:35

@lovelemoncurd

I would say if he s not sticking with you now then he sure as hell won't stick with you through night feeds, dirty nappies and no sleep. I would move on and ditch the arsehole.

you really need to read the Thread... OP is way beyond this stage now 🌺

dogmandu · 04/02/2021 07:49

how are you op? Is the baby here now?

TC68 · 04/02/2021 08:59

Such a selfish and cruel thing to do when you are pregnant and carrying his baby. You will be going through so many emotional and physical changes. He should be supporting you in everyway and this does not bode well for the future ahead of you. My ex did the same - the midwife told me I would be bringing the baby up on my own and I did! As an expectant mother you will be so protective over your baby and natural instincts will kick in - the baby will be your number one priority and if he has not got the back bone to be a father you will find the strength to do this on your own

Galena92 · 04/02/2021 10:05

You've had such a rough time of it OP. I'm so sorry. 💐

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