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Original poster

Heartbroken, he wants space.

751 replies

yulelogc · 30/12/2020 01:04

Partner of a year, don't live together at the moment but had plans to very soon as I'm pregnant. Things were good I thought then tonight he said he needs space.. but that's it. He won't tell me how much space, or if it means we are together still I have no idea and whenever I ask he just says he doesn't want to hurt me and won't give me a straight answer. I'm heartbroken. I want to know where I stand but also don't want to push. I know I need to give him space but it's so hard 😔 please help me get through this I'm devastated and so confused.

OP posts:
Twinpeaksdancingman · 30/12/2020 14:03

This is time for you to take control now, speak to him in a few days Thanks

theinternetmakesmyeyesfeelsick · 30/12/2020 14:05

TBH OP I think all you need to know right now is who, in your life, can you absolutley count on to have your back? Who is prioritising you and your unborn child? Because it's not him.

As devastating as this is and especially at this time I hope you find it in yourself to tell him to get to fuck and never come back. Because you, and your DC deserve better.

RudolphReindeersFrostyBaubles · 30/12/2020 14:08

Block him out of your life, please.

SmileyClare · 30/12/2020 14:08

The scales need to fall from your eyes Op.

Sorry to be blunt but judging from his follow up messages, I'll tell you exactly what his idea of "space" is:

He wants to carry on as you have been, he doesn't want to move in, won't commit, he doesn't want to pace about at 3am with a new born, he wants to pick and choose when he takes part in family life, he wants to drop in on your cosy family home for a hot meal and a shag, maybe get his washing done but wants his single life with his own place and really only cares about his own needs.
He won't get married and may well walk away altogether if he finds a new model.
He'll get you right where he wants you- putting no expectations on him, a bit insecure, needy and grateful for the scraps he throws you.

Sounds shit right? You need to keep your eyes open because this is where you are now and where you're heading. You and your children deserve so much more than this and will never find it shackled to him.

yellowmeadows · 30/12/2020 14:10

I agree with PP regarding texting him to say now isn't a good time will speak after the weekend ect. I would be prepared in case he replies and tells you over text what he wants the way he has acted so just brace yourself 💐
It sounds like you've a good support network and in a few weeks you will have another lo to keep you busy. As hard as it is now take control of what you want in life. He sounds flakey.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 30/12/2020 14:12

@yulelogc

What if he just wants to tell me straight... that he doesn't want to be with me full stop. I think I need to hear that if it's the case.

I'm sorry I'm babbling a bit I'm just so confused and hurt it's clouding my mind so much.

I'm sorry OP but never in my - or any of my friends' - history of relationships has any man voluntarily wanted to get in touch with someone he's walked away from in order to make himself clear. I've never known a man think "I bet she needs closure and clarification, I'll do the right thing". Men keep women dangling all the time. You KNOW he needs a way back in so he doesn't look like a shit, and that's the reason he wants you to jump when he says jump. He's been laying the groundwork for this for ages and now his true colours are showing. He wants to talk in order to check you're still hanging on for him, desperate for him, and right where he wants you.

Do. Not. Give. Him. Power.

PerveenMistry · 30/12/2020 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Camenon · 30/12/2020 14:15

I wouldn't believe anything he says, but I'd still like to hear him say it.

As long as I knew I could stay calm and just listen.

Clymene · 30/12/2020 14:18

He wants you to make the decision so that he can tell everyone else and himself that you dumped him.

2bazookas · 30/12/2020 14:21

You're on your own, get used to it.

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 30/12/2020 14:24

OP as far as I recall from your previous thread you gave him an ultimatum of moving in on Boxing Day or you were finished with him?

You sounded like you meant it too.

Don’t speak to him today. He is 100% not wanting to talk to you tell give you a clear answer. Just more bullshittery that will keep you hanging.

Take a few days and then I would suggest you follow through on your ultimatum. You can hear what he has to say but ultimately this man is not good enough for you and will hurt you again and again and again. If you let him.

You take the power back and you decide that he is not coming back.

ladymuck111 · 30/12/2020 14:24

He's behaving like a total twat. Things will get easier and better for you. I was you once albeit not pregnant but I didn't think I could cope without my ex and couldn't be on my own because I missed him so much. Once I got over the initial few days it was great. Don't let this man dictate your life to you.
Switch off your phone, go for a walk and do everything you can to distract yourself from thoughts of him. And if you do manage to distract yourself only give him 2 minutes of your thought time before distracting yourself again.

BlueThistles · 30/12/2020 14:25

I'm so sorry .... but He doesn't want this life OP.. this is obvious from your previous threads ... 🌺

Eckhart · 30/12/2020 14:25

@yulelogc

No I'm as sure as can be that he hasn't cheated. I'm trying my absolute hardest not to message him I really am. I have my mum with me, she's been great. The next few days are just going to be very tough 😔
You were also as sure as you could be that he wouldn't do this to you at 33 weeks pregnant.

He's a coward. Needing space is perfectly acceptable, but this timing is a sackable offence and cause for immediate dismissal. Even if he came back grovelling, surely you wouldn't be able to trust him not to let you down again?

What message would you send if you weren't holding yourself back from messaging him? It might help you to get it out, and it might help us to understand more where you're at, emotionally.

I think you're strong to post about this, not pathetic. You need support, and you've made sure you found it. That's a good thing, not something to add to your woes.

Oldbutstillgotit · 30/12/2020 14:26

I disagree with most posters and think you should speak to him later . You need clarity and the sooner you receive it the sooner you can concentrate on your pregnancy and your other children .
From what you have said it does sound like he has changed his mind about a future together so no point hanging around hoping he rethinks.

hashbrownsandwich · 30/12/2020 14:26

If you are 33 weeks pregnant and been together a year then that means you just have fallen pregnant pretty quickly. Was it planned?
I'm not defending him at all, I'm just playing devils advocate and thinking realistically he's gone from being a single dad to having multiple step children and a pregnant girlfriend within by the sounds of it, months?
Could it be that it's all sudden dawned on him?
Running away isn't the answer and he's a twat for that but just trying to say perhaps give him the space and prepare to be a single mother to your new baby.

Oldbutstillgotit · 30/12/2020 14:27

Are you the OP whose DP was moving in on Boxing Day ?

DianaT1969 · 30/12/2020 14:30

You don't need to hear what he plans to say this afternoon, because it's likely to be bullshit.
You already know he isn't into this. He isn't planning on being a partner and full-time father. Give yourself the weekend to let that sink in. Send him the message as per the poster above. Instead of speaking to him next week, the best thing you could do is leave him hanging. Why should he choose your future?

I'm VERY concerned that your head is still in a place where you write "I won't give the child his surname if we're not together." No, no, no!!
You are not married to this man and unlikely to ever be. This child must have your surname whatever happens.

I understand that you had fun with him and think you love him. But honestly, that feeling is coming from a state of desperation and sadness. If you step back and think about how he has messed up your life, you'll bloody hate his guts.

hashbrownsandwich · 30/12/2020 14:31

Message him back and say 'I need some space too. So unless you are ending things right now, I need some time without you'.
That'll either shit him up enough to realise this isn't a game long term, or you'll have your answer if he's finishing it. Not ideal either way but if you don't, you'll be mugging yourself and your kids off.

Tiktaktoe · 30/12/2020 14:31

As others have said. You need to make the decision of what you want going forward.
He was hoping that you would break up with him because he wouldn't move in. Thereby erasing any guilt he might feel. Now he is stringing you along, again in the hope that you will make the decision so that he can say you decided to end it.
He is a spineless piece of shit.
Tell him you don't need to 'talk' you just need a decision from him. Is he in or out, no you can't 'give him time'. The least you deserve is to not be kept dangling in the wind. He needs to let you know one way or the other.
Please be under no allusion that he is 'confused' he has decided that he doesn't want to be with you full time. Part time while you pay to feed and home in during the week and weekends where he can head back to his own place, yes. Full time as part of your larger household, no. He is now trying to find a way out that let's him come out of this still smelling of roses.

Tiktaktoe · 30/12/2020 14:32

Also better to have that discussion in writing so he can't twist what was said at a later date.

hashbrownsandwich · 30/12/2020 14:33

Also OP, I don't think it's just coincidental that you've posted this on another thread.

"So, for the last few days my vagina had been unbearably itchy. Also the lips are kind of swollen. I'm so uncomfortable it's making me cry! Anything I can do for it?! Even just sitting here is horrendous! It's getting painful!
I don't wash with anything but water, and have been just wearing my pjs around the house with no underwear, but it's not got better it's getting worse I think. It's driving me mad 😔. To add, I'm 33 weeks pregnant so not sure if I can use Canesten cream?"

I wonder where you may have caught thrush from?🤔

excelledyourself · 30/12/2020 14:37

His heart just isn't in it, OP. Call it a day, focus on the kids, and use the next few weeks to adjust as best as you all can.

KatherineJaneway · 30/12/2020 14:38

pregnancy wasn't planned but He really wanted this baby.

I suspect the latter was a load of lies. The more it became a reality, the more he was scared and lied about how he was feeling.

I'm sorry you are going through this Flowers

jessstan1 · 30/12/2020 14:38

@LouiseTrees

Give him a few days of zero contact. How far on are you? Does affect advice I would give.
That.
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