He has said goodbye,am I justified feeling hurt?

[wheresthesnow]

I've been "friends " with a guy for nearly 2 years now.
We spoke about everything daily.
We had some dates about a year ago and have slept together and nearly actually got together but he backed off.
We haven't slept together in a year but I thought we developed quite a good friendship.
He would confide in me about things and me him.
We would chat on the phone but mostly text.
He told me he still fancied me but he was a bit of a Jack the lad.
I messaged him last week (as normal never thought anything of it) he took ages to reply.
Then he replied "I'm starting to date (name of woman) I don't want you to message me again thanks "
I replied "eh we are friends why not"
He replied "do you not understand I want no more contact with you,stop messaging me,goodbye,there's no need for further communication"
Then I replied and no response
I'm unbelievably hurt.
I feel like I've lost a limb.
I had accepted we would never be a couple but I value him as a friend.
He's literally throwing me away for someone his known a fortnight.
I've never stopped crying for a week now.
Would you message again?
It's not like we are still sleeping together or sending naked pics
Even tho a few months ago he told me he resisted looking at my pics as he liked it too much and confused him.

It sounds like quite an unhealthy friendship. It doesn’t sound like just friends, it sounds like a long lasting flirtation.

You’re best off out of this.

It sounds like you were holding on for something more but he wasn't. He's moved on now and you've got to accept it. Don't message him again he's made it clear.

I'm sorry but these might be hard to read words.
You were obviously a stopgap until he found a girlfriend. He has one now and you are surplus to requirements.
From how you've explained the situation your feelings were much deeper for you than his were for you.
But do you know what ? He has done you the favour of showing his true colours. Block his number , nurse your hurt for a few days, and then forget about him and carry on.

You are justified in feeling hurt, but this was always going to happen in some form.

You are just one of his "jack the lad" conquests that he kept close by until a lady he sees a future with comes along. The hareem tend to be discarded at that point.

It is very difficult / never really possible to stay true friends with someone youve been sleeping with in the past, it always has an expiration date.

I speak from experience of a very similar situation OP, it hurts at first but its fine, you may hear from him again in the future, or you may not.

Always best to pursue friendships with women to avoid these complications

I know I sound like a idiot but it was different with us.
He called me his girlfriend at one point and he stopped the sleeping with other girls for a bit.
Then he started again.
I'm struggling to deal with him being happy to just remove me from his life .

I’m sorry you are so distressed but PP are right.

Don’t contact him again - he wasn’t a true friend. You need better boundaries.

Please get some counselling before getting in such a situation again. I don’t think that spending two years of your life having sex with and sending naked pics to a man who you have text exchanges with is a set up that’s going to work for you, to be honest.

He called me his girlfriend at one point and he stopped the sleeping with other girls for a bit. Then he started again.

And you’re happy to be treated like that?
He has been showing you who he is for ages. He isn’t a friend. He’s a user.

It wasn't just sex,we had dates,cinema,weekend away,food ,drinks etc.
Then he started treating me poorly and other women came into play.

Do you think il never hear from him again now?

You don't sound like an idiot you sound like someone who is hurting but as someone else said he was keeping you dangling until someone came along. No a nice trait. In the long run he's done you a favour by showing you his true colours.

It suited him to have you there while there was nobody else. Now he doesn't need you any more and has told you so quite bluntly. Definitely don't message him again AND, even more importantly, do NOT reply to his inevitable messages when it goes tits up with the new woman or he realises he's made a mistake. Because 100% he will, even if just to check you're still there.

Then he started treating me poorly and other women came into play.

How come you didn’t ditch him then? Why did you stay friends with someone who treated you badly?

I have a feeling it's a ex gf who he still loved (I could tell ) she became single a few months ago.
He lived with her etc years ago and bought a house for them.
The pubs have been shut here for months so I don't think he could meet anyone any other way.
You know when you just have a niggly feeling.
My gut told me he didn't want a relationship as he wanted to be single for when she wanted him back.

The week he started treating you poorly was the week you should have dumped him. Not allowed yourself to be used for the next two years. That’s two years of your life you could have been looking for a decent man and a real relationship.

Please think about Counselling.

Where do you live that the pubs have been shut for months ?

@PurpleDaisies I thought he was just confused and didn't want to loose him totally.

@C0NNIE I'm in tier 3,well not months and months but probs 2 months now.

He doesn't sound like a good friend at all, to drop you like that after meeting someone has shown his true colours. He obviously wasn't what you thought. It will hurt as you were in contact so much but give it a while and that hurt will go. You will see what a huge bellend he is.

Aren’t you worth more than that though?

Treat this incident like a break up with a bad boyfriend. It’s rubbish now, but good in the long term. Delete and block from your phone and and social media. He’s not going to bring any joy to your life.

He's made it very clear you are not to contact him so don't as you will stray into harassment territory

He sounds like an unkind knob anyway

Sounds like you were in a “situationship” - look that up and you’ll find lots of good stuff about these non-relationships that people find themselves in.

Do you think il never hear from him again now?

No, I think you'll hear from him again when it suits him. He'll pick you up and drop you repeatedly at whim if you let him. Please don't let him. I know you're hurting, but block and try to forget. You can't cry forever, you will get over him.

Remember how low and bereft you feel now when he comes back in a few weeks/months when the current squeeze doesn't work out and he wants to rekindle things under the guise of "I'm sooooo sorry, she wouldn't let me have any female friends/she was jealous/paranoid about you, I didn't want to cut contact, can we start up again?"

They always come back and you're his fall back girl, but you're not The One for him. I'm sorry, I know how painful it is. You deserve much better.

I've been crying then I feel like I'm not allowed to be upset as we weren't a couple.
It's just hard for me to speak with someone two years daily and then he coldly just rejects me from his life.
We haven't slept together a year now,I've been on dates with other men and never banished him.
He loves the women that much I can't see him changing.
He loves attention,

You are absolutely allowed to be upset. He has treated you horribly.

You need to make sure he’s never in a position to do that again.