He has said goodbye,am I justified feeling hurt?

[wheresthesnow]

I've been "friends " with a guy for nearly 2 years now.
We spoke about everything daily.
We had some dates about a year ago and have slept together and nearly actually got together but he backed off.
We haven't slept together in a year but I thought we developed quite a good friendship.
He would confide in me about things and me him.
We would chat on the phone but mostly text.
He told me he still fancied me but he was a bit of a Jack the lad.
I messaged him last week (as normal never thought anything of it) he took ages to reply.
Then he replied "I'm starting to date (name of woman) I don't want you to message me again thanks "
I replied "eh we are friends why not"
He replied "do you not understand I want no more contact with you,stop messaging me,goodbye,there's no need for further communication"
Then I replied and no response
I'm unbelievably hurt.
I feel like I've lost a limb.
I had accepted we would never be a couple but I value him as a friend.
He's literally throwing me away for someone his known a fortnight.
I've never stopped crying for a week now.
Would you message again?
It's not like we are still sleeping together or sending naked pics
Even tho a few months ago he told me he resisted looking at my pics as he liked it too much and confused him.

He’s very cruel to taunt you like that but if you’d dumped him when it first went wrong he wouldn’t have had the chance to.

He’s someone else’s problem now.

He sounds absolutely grim by the way. Extremely callous. Almost sociopathic.

X-posted with your latest posts.

Block him and delete all his details. You absolutely must not message him ever again.

And stop thinking about what he is like, who she is and how he will treat her, and focus on yourself.

Seriously , put yourself through a boot camp so that you never ever allow yourself to be tested like that again.

Read some books about co dependency, limerence and self esteem. About toxic men.

Get out and exercise: long brisk walks.

Do some form of short course or learn a skill. BSL, sourdough baking, DIY, anything!

Anything to transform yourself into kick ass superwoman in your own mind.

@AgentJohnson

How do I pick myself up from this?

For starters, by taking the rose tinted glasses off. Grieve the relationship you desperately wanted it to be and accept it for what it was.

Never, ever prioritise someone who sees you as an option.

This is really good advice. This man wasn't your friend. He was a chancer and a user and gave you enough crumbs to keep you interested. Block him on everything and don't contact him again, if he contacts you, ignore him. Nothing good will come of it. You deserve better. If another man starts to treat you like this, kick him to the kerb. It really isn't ok.

I am taking next year as a new clean slate.
I was secretly hoping one day things would be different.
I do love him,I wish I didn't but il get over it.
I always do.
I hope he doesn't know I love him.
How do I prove to him I don't care?
And I'm stronger than the pathetic person I've been?
I don't want to seem weak

How to prove you don't care?

Stop texting him.

You have been told this many, many times on MN.

@wheresthesnow

Do you think il never hear from him again now?

Unfortunately I think you will hear from him again when the new woman dumps him. Hopefully by then you have blocked him on everything and found the courage to tell him to fuck off. Honestly , it's so much better to be on your own than with someone like that.

You don't need to prove to him you don't care. It is ok to care. That makes you better than him but keep that to yourself.

@wheresthesnow

Not once did he care how upset I was so I guess your right that's not a friendship. I told him I really needed a friend right now and I got no reply. It's like when he first meets you ..your shiny and new and then he moves on to the next shiny and new thing. I won't message him again as I really will look pathetic won't I. I think he got a kick out of me being jealous of the other women. I remember once i said to him "who did you sleep with last night " and he told me and said "don't get jealous ha ha " I said "I don't think she's your type " and he replied "thank god you don't know about the rest" 4 months ago he was telling me how he pretends his going to work so the girls leave ..I'm sure he hasn't turned into Prince Charming overnight.

That "don't get jealous" comment is not something you would say to a friend, so it's just another indication that he didn't see you that way (as if you needed any more).

Any further contact will give the game away not because it will make you 'look' anything but because you are actually showing him you are weak.

Sorry OP I actually think he's done the right thing cutting contact with you now he has a girlfriend - he's at least being respectful to her. I wouldn't want my new boyfriend being in constant contact with a friends with benefit

You also come across a bit needy/desperate (sorry) with the whole "I need a friend right now" messages - a male friend in a new relationship is not the type of friend you need.

Cut him loose and forget about him.

@wheresthesnow

I am taking next year as a new clean slate. I was secretly hoping one day things would be different. I do love him,I wish I didn't but il get over it. I always do. I hope he doesn't know I love him. How do I prove to him I don't care? And I'm stronger than the pathetic person I've been? I don't want to seem weak

I don't think it was a secret to him, no.

You sound a bit obsessive OP. He doesn't want to be with you - he's moved on and found a girlfriend and probably thinks you're a bit intense. Don't message him, and move on.

I personally don't think I'm obsessive or intense.
I think he royally messed with my head.
I don't think it's bad I feel thrown away because that's what he's done.

@InFiveMins

You sound a bit obsessive OP. He doesn't want to be with you - he's moved on and found a girlfriend and probably thinks you're a bit intense. Don't message him, and move on.

You do need to listen to this OP. It's a really unhealthy and toxic dynamic that you've actively and repeatedly chosen to engage in.

I'm not sure if you're the poster who has repeatedly posted threads about the same guy (apologies if not) but your writing style and the details are incredibly similar.

Either you are that poster or it goes to show how non special this guy and your dynamic with him is. Not sure which of those two is the case?

You need some therapy to ensure this doesn't happen again.

So basically now I'm thinking it was me.
I pushed him away by being "too intense"
But I don't think I was.

f++k him.hes not lying there crying about you. am sorry-thats brutal. its true tho. he told you straight,didnt care enough to apologize.its all about him. love yourself, let your good memories stay,but dont look back. or hang about.or call.or text.or lurk.its sore as hell.but not as bad as fighting it and cryong bout a knob gets.theres plenty more assholes out there.hes not a big deal

Oh you poor girl - absolutely you have the right to be upset.

You have allowed him to treat you like an option and he has been very very cruel in the process. You are probably on edge all the time wondering if he will pick you or throw you some scraps.

Consider this setting you free now and it will probably be easier than you think because you are no longer holding out to see what he gives you. Block him and move on - you will meet someone who deserves you xx

If she dumps him and he wants some no strings sex then you might hear from him.
Sounds like you built this up into something it wasn’t , at least for him.
The healthy thing is to now move on and look for someone who feels the same way as you

@wheresthesnow

I personally don't think I'm obsessive or intense. I think he royally messed with my head. I don't think it's bad I feel thrown away because that's what he's done.

You have been posting here for months and months about him. You have ignored every good piece of advice you've been given.

And I'm sat there like "what about me"
Do you not think he KNEW you were sitting there thinking that? Honestly, he sounds a massive, massive wanker. Stay away, get out there and allow yourself to meet decent blokes who genuinely think you're great.

He's not interested in you. You shouldn't be interested in him. Move on. Be glad he's not stringing you along further

@wheresthesnow

It wasn't just sex,we had dates,cinema,weekend away,food ,drinks etc. Then he started treating me poorly and other women came into play.

After this happened why would you want to remain friends with him?

He sounds awful. You really need to move on. Sorry he's treated you so badly.

@wheresthesnow

So basically now I'm thinking it was me. I pushed him away by being "too intense" But I don't think I was.

He's been a twat. You've been obsessive and continued to see him despite him being awful to you.

You have both actively engaged in a toxic and unhealthy dynamic.

I think you are the poster who has been writing about this for months.

If so, you've repeatedly ignored everyone's advice.

You need counselling to stop this.

I know I'm stupid.
I'm aware I've been a idiot.
I just hope it's not all my fault.
I can't stand that feeling of never been enough it honestly eats me up.
I never want to be in this situation again.