He has said goodbye,am I justified feeling hurt?

[wheresthesnow]

I've been "friends " with a guy for nearly 2 years now.
We spoke about everything daily.
We had some dates about a year ago and have slept together and nearly actually got together but he backed off.
We haven't slept together in a year but I thought we developed quite a good friendship.
He would confide in me about things and me him.
We would chat on the phone but mostly text.
He told me he still fancied me but he was a bit of a Jack the lad.
I messaged him last week (as normal never thought anything of it) he took ages to reply.
Then he replied "I'm starting to date (name of woman) I don't want you to message me again thanks "
I replied "eh we are friends why not"
He replied "do you not understand I want no more contact with you,stop messaging me,goodbye,there's no need for further communication"
Then I replied and no response
I'm unbelievably hurt.
I feel like I've lost a limb.
I had accepted we would never be a couple but I value him as a friend.
He's literally throwing me away for someone his known a fortnight.
I've never stopped crying for a week now.
Would you message again?
It's not like we are still sleeping together or sending naked pics
Even tho a few months ago he told me he resisted looking at my pics as he liked it too much and confused him.

You made an emotional attachment to him which he may have had for you but he's now transferred those feelings to his new girlfriend. It's a shame he doesn't have the maturity to handle it better but as others have said he's shown his true colours. Heal your wounds and move on.

Despite all the comments about him you've had here I suspect the real problem is a serious difference in how you both see your relationship. You obviously knew he didn't see it going anywhere other than a close friendship yet you've held onto the idea that something will come of it.

He may well truly value you and your friendship but if he is now in a relationship his new girlfriend won't.

I do love him,I wish I didn't

You don't love him

You love the attention, the chats and the nice times

Please find a counsellor who can help you grow and learn some self esteem and self respect. Also how to boundary

Also do some reading around the different types of love out there and how people treat others to get what they want.

You are surplus to requirements.
He has shown you just how cold he is and how little you matter.

Painful as it is, in the long run he's done you a huge favour.

Just don't weaken if/when he's next single and looking for someone to stick his dick in. You're worth more.

He wanted to believe I was a bad person

Read back everything what you have written about him and be grateful you aren't with him in contact anymore as he is a truly nasty person.

[quote wheresthesnow]@youvegottenminuteslynn I'm on the waiting list through the NHS for CBT it's been 4 months but I was told up to 8 months.
I'm assuming covid has delayed it further.[/quote]
That's fab OP, I feel proud of you for making that step as it shows you have made real progress since this started and you couldn't see that you were engaging in the toxic dynamic.

Your priority should IMO be really trying to shift from focusing on why he's done what he's done and focus on why you've tolerated it. His motivations / choices DONT matter - what matters are yours.

This is the best thing he’s ever done for you - stopping all contact. He never cared about you enough. Not ever. He’s played games with your head to big up his ego. He wasn’t even your friend. He was just playing with you like a cat with a mouse. If this other girl has “won” she’s won a pile of shit, a crap boyfriend. I really hope that you can get that counselling soon.

Block him on everything out of principle.

You deserve better. You do. Loads better.

I'm sorry he wasn't a true friend to you. He's only in life for himself. Don't give him any more of yours.

He called you his 'half girlfriend', or at least did till he realised you'd be happy to settle for being not even being that. Seriously OP listen to yourself woman! People treat us the way we let them. You've been walked all over here and seem absolutely desperate to go back for another round of being treated like dog shit. As for Mr God's gift I honestly belive he sounds like a right up his own arse Walter Mitty. I seriously doubt there was ever the apparently endless supply of women just waiting for their turn to shag him 🤣

[quote wheresthesnow]@yellowhighheels yes that's pretty much it.
He told me in the summer "I've decided I'm going to settle down now"
So obviously I thought finally he wanted commitment.
Then he text saying "do you know anybody single who I could go on a date with? I've got 3 lined up"
And I'm sat there like "what about me"[/quote]
Jesus Christ.

OP, I hope you read back what you have written in this entire thread and start to see some sense.

Bloody hell.

@wheresthesnow

I am taking next year as a new clean slate. I was secretly hoping one day things would be different. I do love him,I wish I didn't but il get over it. I always do. I hope he doesn't know I love him. How do I prove to him I don't care? And I'm stronger than the pathetic person I've been? I don't want to seem weak

It doesn't matter about proving anything to him! Just get on with your life, he doesn't give a shit what you do and whether you've moved on or not.

He isnt a nice person. Your friendship wasnt healthy. My partner wouldn't be happy about me being in contact with a friend I used to sleep with either! He has done you a massive favour. Block him/delete him on all sm. You ll feel better 4 weeks from today.

Block him on everything and don’t ever let him come crawling back. He’s a nasty git and has clearly demonstrated that your feelings don’t matter to him.

@wheresthesnow

You have recently lost your mum after taking care of her

You need to protect yourself now more than ever while you're grieving. You're vulnerable, at least now you know exactly who he is, definitely not someone who you can rely on to be your Rock while you're at a low ebb.

Take time away from this whole awful situation, have a few weeks of simple living, self-care and maybe try to focus attention on positives, remembering your mum, that sort of thing. Do you have RL support?

Don't waste a moment thinking about this low life, he definitely isn't thinking about you (I'm sorry to say).

How do I prove to him I don't care?

Focus on yourself - prove to yourself you don't care.

He really doesn't matter.

He is a creep and you should tell him so in one dramatic text or letter, then cut him off completely.

Make sure you block his number and whatever you do don't let him come crawling back into your life when his new woman dumps him. You're clearly someone who's there to boost his ego and nothing more. He's an arsehole.

@daisychain01 I do my two good friends.
They are angry with me at the moment as they told me to get rid a year ago.
Maybe if I listened then I wouldn't be in this mess now.

I remember when he first found out I liked him he said "I feel 10 feet tall that you fancy me I can't believe it"
Didn't take long for the novelty to wear off.
Then two weeks ago he said "you brought this situation on yourself,you came on to me,you started it all that night in the pub"

It’s ok to feel sad about it, but you both need to move on.
It didn’t work as a proper full on relationship
He’s allowed to get into a proper relationship and you must be able to see that it would not be appropriate when he’s got a new girlfriend for him to be in daily message contact with someone he’s got a complicated history with.
If you had a new boyfriend do you think they’d be happy with you still messaging him every day? If you were smitten with someone new do you think you’d still want to?

Grieve it as it is like a breakup as you were very emotionally attached to him, it may or may not have been the same for him.

But it’s finished now so move on.

And best to block him incase he comes back for an ego stroke if things don’t work out for with the new gf.

You’ve had an awful time of it haven’t you?. He’s a mind fuck and he always will be. The things he’s done to aren’t normal behaviour at all

It’ll hurt but you’ll get over it and meet someone who can’t wait to spend time with you & thinks your the prettiest girl in the room wherever you are.

Do you live in a tiny little village with only one appropriately aged man OP?
There are waaay better fish in the sea than this one, there are charming men, men who are amazing in bed, kind men, generous men, funny men, sexy as fuck men, literally hundred of millions of men and you're wasting your time on this piece of trash!
You need to do something different- whatabout random dating websites/apps? I did the I love your accent one for a while and it was an amazing laugh chatting to Texans and Russians and them fawning over my lovely 'downtown abbey'voice 😂
Or uniform dating- I had a fab little fling with a gorgeous marine.
Honestly life can be fun, it doesnt have to wailing on the kitchen floor for a man who's gonna be crawling in STDs in a few years time

You've been discarded and it hurts. He meant it to hurt. I suspect he's enjoyed jerking your strings. He's definitely not friend material, because it's always all about him.

I also suspect you will hear from him again, because he has you labelled as an available fallback/substitute/stop-gap when nothing better offers. When he's shown his true colours with his new partner and been rejected, he may be back, but not for good reasons and never for long.

This is not about anything you did wrong: it's his nature that's the problem, not yours.

You need to let him go and just lower and eventually eliminate your expectations of him. He's doomed to disappoint. Start fresh when you're ready and raise your expectations. Don't tell yourself or be told that your feelings are in any way 'wrong' or inappropriate: your feelings are yours to own. Why not recognise and accept them and let them wash on through and out?

One thing is certain; you will not go on feeling like this forever, or even for long. Feelings change and yours will too. You will look back and think what wasted emotion you spent on him, just not yet. In time.

@Lollyneenah surely these sorts of men are all taken though ??!!

I