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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He ignored my "merry Christmas text"

198 replies

sunflowerbloom · 25/12/2020 10:03

I'm not going to lie I feel really sad today.
My mum died in September and it's obviously my first Xmas without her.
I was seeing a guy(who wasn't treating me well) always twisted things to make me the one in the wrong etc but I loved him.
Anyway it ended but we started speaking again (just normal chat )
He was texting me and start conversations again,he made out he was doing me a huge favour talking to me.
Anyway last night (it was my birthday too) I messaged him "merry Christmas,have a great day,hope Santa is good to you"
He read it and didn't reply.
He's been on social media since.
I mean ..he couldn't even string a merry Christmas reply back.
Even tho we've made up recently and been speaking.
He knew it was my birthday too,he knew I was alone without my mum.
Isn't that cruel ?
I feel so sad today (please don't send nasty replies to this thread ,I don't want to feel more sad )

OP posts:
Original poster
sunflowerbloom · 27/12/2020 09:21

Thanks everyone for the moral support.
I know he is a shit and has treated me worse than shit ..so why am I waking up with that knot in my stomach and feeling so sad.
The last contact with him yesterday I poured my heart out and told him how bad he made me feel and how I could have been with someone who genuinely liked me..he read and didn't respond.

OP posts:
Whenwillow · 27/12/2020 09:40

You are feeling sad because he's not who you want him to be. He just isn't.
Now do yourself a favour and block him again for good.
And have yourself a lovely day, doing self care things.
The feeling will pass, but only if you let it. No Contact is the only way!

forumdonkey · 27/12/2020 10:12

Ask yourself.... Are you sad to be losing him ( be honest about how you were when you were together) or is your sadness about the hurt of rejection and feeling like a fool? Been there and done that OP but this is your learning curve. This is where you put in your kickass independent woman boundaries and don't let anyone treat you less than you deserve. You will now walk away from it

Original poster
sunflowerbloom · 27/12/2020 10:24

@forumdonkey honestly it's feeling hurt and rejected.
Feeling like whoever this girl is she must be better than me.
Looking at myself in the mirror and thinking "no wonder he didn't want you"
Feeling stupid for crawling back every time
Feeling stupid for letting him play me against other women all the time.
Thinking of how we were at the beginning and he is now like that with someone else who isn't me.
He totally changed on me and became someone else,nasty and cruel.
That wasn't him.

OP posts:
Treemama · 27/12/2020 10:45

Do yourself a favour and don't text him again. Block him for good.

notsodimwit · 27/12/2020 11:20

OP Flowers you sound lovely 🙂 block him and never speak to him again! You will find someone much better than this loser! Xx

forumdonkey · 27/12/2020 11:24

Or you can think of it as he knows that you have seen the real him and he's moved on so he can pretend he's a nice guy with someone new . He'll not change and he will do the same to her as he did to you. He'll be back I guarantee but hopefully, like me, I was with my Mr Amazing.

52andblue · 27/12/2020 12:52

OP, it is nothing to do with you.
Or 'her', or his next one or the one after.
It is HIM.
He might have narcissistic tendencies - they will idealise, devalue, discard. He will go round that cycle endlessly with you, if you let him.
It's ALL about him: you'll get chewed up and spat out by him again.
Not worth your time and tears.
As @forumdonkey says, he will probably be back.
'My' one texted me this morning.
I'm having a really bad time atm, inc a medical prob on Xmas Eve (when we last spoke). I've had no contact since then. Today I got:
'awake yet?' at 6am. No 'how are you', no 'Happy Xmas'.
Just: are you available for my (ie his) needs.
I've ignored it (so far). Blocking is my next step.
We are both worth more than these wee pretendy men can offer.
Onwards and upwards xxx

Original poster
sunflowerbloom · 27/12/2020 12:58

I deffo think he has narcissistic tendencies.
He discarded me last January and then we started talking again in feb.
I have a feeling it might be his ex he's kind of seeing (if he is actually seeing someone )
He's told lies in the past so who knows what's true with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
sunflowerbloom · 27/12/2020 13:00

@52andblue good for you for not replying.
I bet you feel better when you don't reply.
I just wish he cared I was upset,cared I was hurt but he doesn't.
I'm still in bed and just thinking of him texting whoever it is (like he did me ) and I'm just sat here on my own with him not caring about me.

OP posts:
Inaseagull · 27/12/2020 13:06

But you are exactly his type, someone he can treat like shit, who will come crawling back as soon as he turns on the charm. The original him that you fell for was an act to lure you in. That's what he is currently doing to the new woman. The real him is the nasty prick. He will have thoroughly enjoyed your message yesterday, pouring your heart out to him. That is exactly what he thrives on, that's why he drops you, ignores you, so you will beg and plead for his attention. He can turn on the charm when he wants to, but its always, always an act.

You want him to be somebody he just isn't. It's as futile as me wishing Brad Pitt lived next door. He doesn't and I can daydream for months that he does, and make it real in my head, but the reality is, he doesn't.

All signs point to him having narcissistic tendencies, which is not something that can be cured. Once you read up on how they operate, you will see him for what he is.

You sound like a lovely person and I'm sorry that my first paragraph is harsh, but I just don't think you are grasping what is going on here. I sincerely hope you block him for good, because he will turn on the charm again (when the new woman susses him out) and you will be right back here, feeling awful again.

bangheadhere40 · 27/12/2020 13:33

Surprises me how many 'come back'. I had someone like this, people kept saying ' he will be back '...I never believed it.

Similar to PP say they always return but not because they like you. People with narc tendencies need constant admiration and attention. That's the only reason they come back.

Windmillwhirl · 27/12/2020 13:41

Thanks everyone for the moral support.
I know he is a shit and has treated me worse than shit ..so why am I waking up with that knot in my stomach and feeling so sad.
The last contact with him yesterday I poured my heart out and told him how bad he made me feel and how I could have been with someone who genuinely liked me..he read and didn't respond.

Maybe you are lonely. I had an on/off thing with a guy years ago. A message from him could make or break my day. He hurt me too over the years but I held on as he was the closest thing I had to a relationship at the time and I wanted someone in my life.

Many years later I realise how much wanting him my life actually hurt me and kept me in limbo.

When you let him go, you will start to heal x

Thehousejackbuilt · 27/12/2020 13:50

OP PLEASE stop texting him. Imagine for a moment it’s the other way round; you were stringing someone along now you’re seeing someone else and still they keep messaging you all the time pouring their heart out. He’s not going to give you attention and now it’s just embarrassing

Original poster
sunflowerbloom · 27/12/2020 14:22

@Thehousejackbuilt I haven't messaged him today.

OP posts:
Original poster
sunflowerbloom · 27/12/2020 14:24

@Inaseagull the worst bit is we were chatting fine and he was messaging me then two days we didn't speak so I wished him merry Xmas to which he ignored.
Then he said he was busy
Then he was kind of seeing someone new so didn't want to reply (yet he messaged me 3 days earlier )
Then saying he doesn't want to speak to me ever again.
So I end up feeling discarded and worthless.
It's just shit

OP posts:
52andblue · 27/12/2020 14:25

OP.
I have pm'd you.x

wishywashywoowoo70 · 27/12/2020 15:08

[quote sunflowerbloom]@Inaseagull the worst bit is we were chatting fine and he was messaging me then two days we didn't speak so I wished him merry Xmas to which he ignored.
Then he said he was busy
Then he was kind of seeing someone new so didn't want to reply (yet he messaged me 3 days earlier )
Then saying he doesn't want to speak to me ever again.
So I end up feeling discarded and worthless.
It's just shit [/quote]
Just tell him to fuck off out loud and you'll feel better. He's clearly an absolute bell end.

Original poster
sunflowerbloom · 27/12/2020 15:28

@52andblue Thankyou I replied :-)

OP posts:
Original poster
sunflowerbloom · 27/12/2020 15:31

@wishywashywoowoo70 ha ha I've done that a few times

OP posts:
Bazoo23 · 28/12/2020 12:19

Hows things OP?

52andblue · 28/12/2020 13:19

I've been thinking of you too, OP.
I've written my chap a long ranty text - very therapeutic ;)
It's in my drafts folder - for now - I keep popping in to check on it.
In time I won't need to :)

Dontbeweak · 07/12/2021 10:08

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