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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He ignored my "merry Christmas text"

198 replies

sunflowerbloom · 25/12/2020 10:03

I'm not going to lie I feel really sad today.
My mum died in September and it's obviously my first Xmas without her.
I was seeing a guy(who wasn't treating me well) always twisted things to make me the one in the wrong etc but I loved him.
Anyway it ended but we started speaking again (just normal chat )
He was texting me and start conversations again,he made out he was doing me a huge favour talking to me.
Anyway last night (it was my birthday too) I messaged him "merry Christmas,have a great day,hope Santa is good to you"
He read it and didn't reply.
He's been on social media since.
I mean ..he couldn't even string a merry Christmas reply back.
Even tho we've made up recently and been speaking.
He knew it was my birthday too,he knew I was alone without my mum.
Isn't that cruel ?
I feel so sad today (please don't send nasty replies to this thread ,I don't want to feel more sad )

OP posts:
RantyAnty · 26/12/2020 14:15

I hope you've put this to rest now and have blocked and deleted all his contact info.

You deserve much better than an arse like him.

cyclingmad · 26/12/2020 14:29

Omg why blocked just delete the arsenolea number.

Uff I know some people call me cold heartes but if it had been me, I would never have responded to texts and if I was feeling generous I would have said its not working out for me goodbye, block and delete and not even think about him.

A guy I was seeing said some nasty stuff to me basically gaslighting me I just blocked him, he managed to send a text I've told him do not contact me again and deleted his message.

End of move on.
I do it to friends too if you cross a line that's it no coming back, adios!

Sharonspoisonedpud · 26/12/2020 14:57

I've been a fool again haven't I.
Once again he gets the last laugh

I think the who wins thoughts are unhelpful to you.
Relationships should not be a game of who wins.
Block and move forward

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/12/2020 15:11

@sunflowerbloom

I've been a fool again haven't I. Once again he gets the last laugh.
I know this isn't nice to hear but you must must must stop this perception that relationships are some sort of game and someone's behaviour is motivated by game playing and secret motives.

He hasn't won. He just didn't care enough to message and because he doesn't care he sent a shitty message back.

You are not in a relationship dynamic where behaviour can be analysed and adapted etc.

He just doesn't give a fuck. It's horrible for you but you need to accept that and move on.

All this blocking and unblocking and thinking that bollocking him will affect him or get through to him... he literally doesn't care.

Please stop wasting time and headspace on someone so unbothered Flowers

SylvanianFrenemies · 26/12/2020 15:13

Well, you get the last laugh. You start 2021 without him, he is always going to be looking at the same dickhead in the mirror.

Keep him blocked, messaging him will never bring you the answers or closure you seek.

GeneralMelchit · 26/12/2020 15:18

You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. This guy is an asshole. A belated happy birthday and belated Merry Christmas.

Tdaadfb100 · 26/12/2020 15:25

Block. Or not. But don’t waste another ounce of energy or another nanosecond of thought on this person. Look at some pictures of hot actors or pop stars (from your era) instead. You will get much more satisfaction 😆

LuluJakey1 · 26/12/2020 15:29

@sunflowerbloom

I'm off to my dads shortly for Christmas lunch/buffet tea I just feel really sad that he couldn't even say merry Christmas. Like I say he was messaging last week over a number of days yet can't reply today. I think sometimes he likes hurting me. Or wants me upset
He does like hurting you. He wants you to be hanging on waiting for him, he knows you are vulnerable. Be glad he has shown you who he is and NEVER contact him again no matter what. You deserve so much better.
Original poster
sunflowerbloom · 26/12/2020 15:34

When he said that today
"I don't want to speak with you anymore now as I'm seeing someone else and it's not right to speak to you,leave me alone"
So cruel

OP posts:
Littlepaws18 · 26/12/2020 15:41

I think you are obsessing over a guy who really doesn't care about you. In a way it's good he gas treated you like this because hopefully you will remove him from your life. Don't just block him, delete and forget. He's not someone who will play any form of positive position in your life. Move on without him x

SandyY2K · 26/12/2020 15:41

I was about to say good for blocking him...then I saw you unblocked him and opened yourself to more of his crap.

Put a line under it and if you're on a y social media platforms...block them too.

I'm sorry about your mum.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/12/2020 15:41

@sunflowerbloom

When he said that today "I don't want to speak with you anymore now as I'm seeing someone else and it's not right to speak to you,leave me alone" So cruel
Why are you carrying this shit on OP?! He does not give a single fuck about you. Which is sad and hurtful to you but by having any communication at all you are further damaging your self esteem and making yourself more vulnerable to arseholes and abusive men in future as your standards are skewed. Block this man on everything so he can't message when he fancies a shag in a month or year and work on building your self esteem back up. Look up the shark cage analogy, I found it so helpful to me.
Djouce · 26/12/2020 15:53

@sunflowerbloom

I've been a fool again haven't I. Once again he gets the last laugh.
Only because you have given him that power. Stop and he no longer has it.
BertyFlanter · 26/12/2020 15:59

Oh @sunflowerbloom I have been where you are. I wish I could share just one second of how it feels to walk away so you know how worth it it is. I put the phone down one day after listening to another of his lies and blocked him on everything. Never thought of or spoke to him ever again and my life improved infinitely 💐

Original poster
sunflowerbloom · 26/12/2020 16:08

I know il be ok ..won't I ?
He's removed off everything now.
When he told me he was seeing someone my heart dropped.
How many more ways can he hurt me.
I would love to know why I wasn't good enough

OP posts:
Whenwillow · 26/12/2020 16:12

You will be ok. And it's not you. It's him! You won't have done anything wrong. Please please look up the people I suggested upthread. They will explain better than I can.

Original poster
sunflowerbloom · 26/12/2020 16:14

@Whenwillow Thankyou I'm looking at narcisite.com now
I think that's the correct one

OP posts:
Original poster
sunflowerbloom · 26/12/2020 16:17

I wish he never told me he was seeing someone
He knew it would hurt me

OP posts:
Whenwillow · 26/12/2020 16:21

Yes, that's the one. I hope it's helpful. Natalie Lue is gentler.

Littleyell · 26/12/2020 16:21

You didn’t mention how long you were seeing him for OP. It doesn’t matter anyway. He did not treat you well at all if he twisted things.

In the nicest way he probably was just having his own way. Block and delete his number OP. You don’t need that in your life.

Have you got any near friends for support?

Original poster
sunflowerbloom · 26/12/2020 16:24

@Littleyell they have families and everything and can't be bothered listening,after repeatedly telling me what he was

OP posts:
OhDearMuriel · 26/12/2020 16:25

"I would love to know why I wasn't good enough."

But that's the whole point you are way way too good for this nasty 'man.'

He just enjoyed being cruel to you because you let him - you should have stopped this a long time ago.

You've got to grow to love and value yourself (unfortunately I don't think you do yet).

cyclingmad · 26/12/2020 16:33

he isn't hurting you, your allowing him to hurt you. If a guy I knew was a twat turned round said he is now seeing someone. I wouldn't get hurt by it.

You make statements like he has the last laugh etc. But reality is you have all the power to decide how what he doe or says effect you. You hand him that last laugh by keep giving your power away.

You don't have to feel hurt by what he said, your allowing those words to hurt you.

Only the people who truly love you and are the closest to you should be allowed to affect you and those are people you have known for years upon years.

Honestly why are you wanting to continue to rehash what happened with friends etc. Its not going to help you, he is an arsehole, period, end forget and move on and talk about other stuff and stop giving him airtime.

Guarantee you he isn't sitting there right now talking about you, nor is he reliving what happened or hashing it out in endless conversations.

Regularsizedrudy · 26/12/2020 16:34

At this point you are doing this to yourself.

Splann · 26/12/2020 16:36

I know it hurts. but please try to realise that he hasn’t found someone “better” than you. It’s just someone new to control and be cruel to. Men like this go through relationships pretty swiftly. It’s him that’s the problem, not you. I feel sorry for his new woman, she will have this all coming to her. His behaviour isn’t personal to you, it’s how men like this treat all women. You are far better off without him.