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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband said he wants a ‘divorce’ after argument

503 replies

TierTired87 · 22/12/2020 14:00

New to Mumsnet. But feeling pretty isolated at the moment.

My husband and I had an argument on Sunday. We don’t argue often, but he tends to start them when they do. He’ll then go on and on and on until I retaliate and say something I regret. At which point I’m the b**ch and I get it in the neck for a few days afterwards for being ‘mean’.

Stupidly, I did a throwaway comment after being gone at for a good hour: “If you think that, why not just get divorced?”. SILLY, I know. But you know when you’re just pushed and pushed and you sometimes say something you don’t mean?

Anyway. Monday morning I apologised. I’ve had since “well, we’re getting divorced” and “let’s get Christmas out of the way and then we’ll separate”. When I explained I didn’t mean it he’s all “Well, maybe I do. It’s what you want.” - despite lots of apologies from me. He’s even gone so far as to start emailing lawyers.

If I bring it up, he says “you said it - so you want it.” type thing.

It almost feels like he’s enjoying it.

He also won’t sleep in the same room, which has led to DD asking questions.

During the argument he spoke to me like I was sh*t, and since he has done too. Although if I mention anything he has said, he says I am ‘twisting words’. I am not.

I don’t know if he’s just playing a massive game. Which I don’t think is fair over Christmas....or if he means it.

He won’t help with any Christmas prep.

He’s also taken my house keys so I can’t leave the house without him. He says he hasn’t, but I found them in his dog walking coat - I’ve left them though.

Feel so lost and confused. and silly for making the stupid throwaway comment in the first place.

OP posts:
Isthisit22 · 27/12/2020 08:04

@TierTired87

He’s home from cinema.

Following chat where I said I was up for divorce he has brought a bottle of baileys (my favourite) and some flowers.

He’s disrupting my Bridget Jones documentary. But I’ll allow it.

I don’t smoke. But I’ve nicked one of his cigs and having a cheeky one in the garden.

We’re coming to some kind of resolution.

So far I’ve been told I’m “too much like my mother” (who by the way is lovely...and also rather passive).

He has agreed that his silent treatment and how he deals with an argument is wrong.

Yet, apparently that’s just how he is and I need to work around it by not making ‘mistakes’....

.....And apologising more quickly.

I’m not sure how that’s possible as I did it first thing after I woke up. But he doesn’t count that as the apology. He counts the actions throughout the day as the apology, apparently.

I’ve said that he doesn’t create an atmosphere where that is easy. Again, his response is ‘that’s just how I am’. It’s not. This is new(ish).

Oh wow. Did you lie down while he walked all over you? Please say that you didn't accept this? If so you've given him the green light to be as horrible as you like and everything will akways be your fault. Enjoy.
billybagpuss · 27/12/2020 08:53

Hope you’ve had a good Christmas @TierTired87 and kept all the Baileys to yourself.

Giraffey1 · 27/12/2020 20:41

OP, I hope you are ok. Please come back and let us know what’s happening.

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