If there's a cloud next to an app... he's downloaded it before hasn't he?

[BubbleTeaJunkie]

Been together 15 years. Pure hookup anonymous dating on his iPad.. has a cloud next to it..

Be prepared OP for finding evidence he booked appointments with prostitutes and him saying he never actually went.

He's either a punter who has paid to shag other women, or a punter who has organised shagging other woman but then wasted their time by not showing / paying.

Remind him that there is absolutely no way to know if a woman has been abused, trafficked or coerced into sex work. And that the misery of those who have been through those things is partly fuelled men like him who are at best titillated and and worst complicit at the idea of paying to fuck a woman.

You're on your way up lady, don't let this loser drag you down.

Stay strong. He is a nasty twat.

I can imagine that you're still in shock. You're handling this so well so far.

If you're anything like me, at some point you might start running through things you did or didn't do, and thinking "if I'd done this, he wouldn't have done that" etc.

Hopefully you won't do that, but if you do, try and remember he made these choices by himself. He has lied to you for a very long time, only admitted this when he had no other choice and he very probably is still lying about some things. Most likely he is telling you only what he feels he has to/the very minimum he feels he can get away with.

Whatever happens it's just important to remember that you've done nothing wrong here. Be wary, he has completely broken your trust. If you want to work it out, then I hope you can, but if you don't want to, you're perfectly within your rights. You don't owe anything to him. Just try and take your time in thinking things through. Let the shock settle and don't make any rash decisions. I really feel for you op.

Get online and order yourself an std check.

If there is even a slight chance he's cheated or abused a prostitute you need to get checked.

I think theres more to come OP so brace yourself massive well done for work success. You're obviously an intelligent lovely woman and hes a fucking loser.he doesnt deserve you

So not only has he cheated on you, but he has an alcohol problem and is not really interested in you sexually?
Move on OP. You deserve better

Oh you poor thing. This drip drip story must be tearing you apart. What a shit, and ruining your Xmas and job celebrations. Don’t rush yourself into anything. Take your time to work out what you want. Throughout this thread you’ve sound incredibly dignified and intelligent.

Men always have a freakin excuse fir to absolve then of their shit behaviour! Mine (now exh) had an affair with someone where we both work, I found out, then he buggered off to a residential therapeutic setting because he was depressed, literally 4 days later, and left me dealing with the fallout out, and looking after our 4year old full time (no family support network) ! Cheers for that, you twunt!

I'm sorry to say OP it is very likely there's an awful lot more to come.
He found a therapist suspiciously quickly...Most have very very long waiting lists, especially this year. Are you sure he was really talking to anyone on the phone? He quite likely could have been talking to himself. It sounds even more suspicious that you could hear him talking ( he obviously spoke loud so he'd sound convincing and so that you could hear!)
You say he has no real sexual interest in you? Yet he's gone to hook-up sites, checked out local prostitutes and prices. He has 'issues' probably the sex he's seeking isn't what you'd be willing to provide. That's by no means any reflection on you... This is all down to him!
He's not the man you thought he was, in fact I'd go as far to say that deep down you don't know him at all. He's obviously been entertaining these sidelines for years by the timeframe, yet he's hidden it so well. It takes a very devious and sly individual to feel motivated towards that kind of behaviour.

It's fantastic news about your promotion. Recognition for your hard work has been awarded.
I'll be honest and say you're not going to hear anything you'd want to now from him. You know enough to know he's a cunning, devious, untrustworthy, dishonest sleezebag. I wouldn't torture yourself with anymore of his shite. He'll only tell you what he wants you to know anyway..
Focus on your new role at work, give yourself the credit for leaving the trash to take itself out. He'll never change.

All the best. I hope you and your parents manage to have a nice few hours together over Christmas. Surrounding yourself with people who care. Shows you what's important in life.

Well done on your promotion 💐
Unfortunately there will be more bullshit to come from this sad excuse of a man.
But the good news is YOU DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT!
What he has so far confessed to is vile and disgusting behaviour.
Stay strong. Have the Christmas, and then the life, you want and deserve!

Oh also your promotion will likely be blamed in part for his disgraceful behaviour. Poor lamb will say he felt emasculated, shit about himself etc which will make it your fault. And you'll feel guilty. For being a successful, hard working, capable woman.

My ex apparently cheated on me partly because I earned more than him (by working 60 hours a week self employed) and he felt emasculated. Funnily enough he tried to fix that feeling by getting blow jobs off girls he met on nights out rather than working any more than 10 hours a week. Men like that really will blame a woman for their own bad behaviour and even when the perceived reason is laughable.

‘I didn't even know normal men looked at prostitutes and feel very naive!’

They don’t. I would get an STI test

Do you share any kind of accounts with wider family? We have some kind of apple family plan so all the music my BIL downloads shows up on my phone!?

Sorry OP just seen your updates! So sorry to hear this. What a really horrible shock xx

@Missingthebridegene

Do you share any kind of accounts with wider family? We have some kind of apple family plan so all the music my BIL downloads shows up on my phone!?

He's admitted it now and also admitted he's looked up local prostitutes too.

@Missingthebridegene

Sorry OP just seen your updates! So sorry to hear this. What a really horrible shock xx

Sorry cross posted! Feel so bad for poor OP too, what a horrible shock and what a horrible man.

You probably need to book an STI test OP, I’m sorry

I'm so sorry you've gone through this. He's following The Script of cheating men to the letter.

Denial
Crocodile tears
Gaslighting
Blaming a friend
Admitting minor error only
More comes out - says that's all
More comes out - says they're "ill" or an addict and suggest couples therapy
More comes out - still denies any more than "online cheating" or emotional affairs or in his case "pricing up prostitutes"

Next is commonly proof of infidelity, threatening suicide, then blaming you, getting angry when you won't take them back, and then going off with someone else who was waiting in the wings all along. I hope not.

@KickingBishopBrennanUpTheArrse my god, you have literally just described what happened with my ex. To the letter almost. It’s depressing how predictable this script is.

I am sorry OP but if there is a cloud next to these apps then they have been downloaded and then deleted.

He 100% has downloaded these apps himself. There is absolutely no other way these would have appeared otherwise. It is impossible in fact.

This has nothing to do with a VPN (That is another lie I’m afraid) There is also no way a hacker would hack into your app store and download these sorts of apps. No way. He is blatantly lying to your face about this. I am sorry.

He is emotional because he is guilty but he is also using his emotions to throw you off. Think about this logically for a moment. If someone accuses you of doing something you haven't done and have no idea about these apps I don't believe your first reaction would be an emotional one.

You have clearly been together for a long time so you must know him well. Have a think back to the time of when these apps were downloaded. How was his behaviour around this time?

I think you need to explain to him that you need him to be honest if you are going to move on from this. He needs to stop the lies thats for sure.

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Be careful he's not at the start of the age old sequence of events, roughly as follows...

How could you think I would download them?!

Ok well I must have accidentally downloaded them

If that's not possible I must have been hacked

Ok I downloaded them but just out of curiosity (he's already done this excuse for tinder)

Ok I messaged some people but never organised to met up (as if that makes it ok)

Ok I organised to meet up but I didn't actually go

Ok I went but only because I didn't want to be rude and be a no show

Ok I went and we kissed then I realised it was wrong and deleted everything because I love you

Ok I slept with her but I felt sick after and told her we couldn't see each other any more
Etc etc

Ask him why hackers would hack his phone, download six hook up / dating apps then uninstall them, all without his knowledge...

Ask yourself that too.

Sorry OP he's full of shit and it's insulting he's treating you as if you're stupid.

Isnt it scary this was the script I predicted and @KickingBishopBrennanUpTheArrse too? These people are so embarrassingly textbook it hurts! Ugh. OP, he's not the exception to the rule. It's vanishingly unlikely that you know everything yet. He will drip into and admit to the absolute minimum he can get away with at each stage. I feel so terrible you are going through this and hope this thread can provide you with support

So sorry OP 😞 Does anyone know how you can check the date of these hidden purchases being downloaded? For the inevitable, "it's was just this one time while you were away" or whatever/ when in reality it's probably been scattered throughout relationship.

I really hope you have the strength to see it for what it is, you're so much better than this.

Normal men don't look up and price up prostitutes. I second getting an STD test.

He's garbage OP, bin him.

As all you wonderful ladies predicted there's more revelations today! It's like an advent calendar with a fresh pile of shit behind it each morning!

Back in 2011/2012 I found in his inbox some emails showing registrations to dating websites. Back then he said it was email spam and it did seem plausible so I believed it and didn't push it. Turns out he had done the same thing back then.. looking, curiousity... wanting to know what was out there... wondered if he was 'missing out' on something!!

Cheeky bastard! Everyone tells me he's punching with me, I don't believe it as I have confidence issues but the very fact he was looking to see what he was missing out on in a sense, hurts a lot!

Also admitted to briefly texting a girl he met on a night bus after a night out. She wasn't interested apparently.. I'm sure if she was that would have gone further too!

This shit sandwich is getting fuller by the day!

I really do see why some women find themselves being paranoid, insecure and jealous, not trusting partners with female behaviour or phone/internet use! If you ever have a red flag and something feels off, trust your spidey sense and keep digging as I think it's always right.