If there's a cloud next to an app... he's downloaded it before hasn't he?

[BubbleTeaJunkie]

Been together 15 years. Pure hookup anonymous dating on his iPad.. has a cloud next to it..

Time to look for the actual phone he uses to contact the contacts then OP. When they willingly hand over their phone in a situation like this, you can be pretty sure they use their work phone or a burner phone that's typically in their gym bag, golf bag, glove box of their car or in their locker at work.

Cynical? Moi? No, just learned the lesson the hard way.

I've showed him all of this and he's all upset and saying he honestly hasn't used any of the apps or those 'services' .. he has offered to dig into his iTunes and see when he's reset passwords in case he got hacked...

I just don't know what to believe and this is the worst timing after this awful year and being a few days before Christmas. He's asked what I want to do and I don't know. I've told him he would have more chance of us fixing this if he told me all the details and he said do you want me to just lie that I downloaded them then...

Back then I was travelling for work a fair bit and I said that is raising alarm bells for me and he got even more upset and said he's innocent and doesn't know how he can prove it... and neither do I. Is it even slightly possible that someone else could have hacked his account?

Also it's a work phone he's had for the last ten years so it's even more of a shock he would download that stuff on there too! If the tables were turned he's admitted he wouldn't be buying it either.. and if it was a friend I'd be saying what you all are... but he does seem sincere and he never gets emotional. But I am failing to see an alternative reason for this happening...

I don't want to throw away 15 years if there is a tiny chance there could be another reason but I don't know how I find that out and neither does he.

I checked battery usage and none of them have been used in the past ten days but I can't see past that.. also if they were deleted I'm not sure they'd show in battery usage anyway!

You really have to ask yourself why anyone would hack his account.

The simplest explanation is often the correct one.

He came home very emotional and insists he hasn't ever downloaded them.... He handed his phone over to me when he got in... I didn't find anything in messages etc, or really on Instagram

Did you tell him you found the apps before he came home? Or once he was home?

If you told him before he was home, he had plenty of time to delete everything incriminating.

He’s getting emotional because he knows there’s no reasonable excuse that he can make up.

All you can do is look at the facts: he downloaded these apps. He’s lying. You need to make your own decision about how you now feel about him and your relationship. Searching for “proof” is a never ending task, don’t get sucked in to it.

He has downloaded them for sure,but are the apps on the itunes or home pages?

I have a few apps on my home page and when I haven’t used them for a while it will have a cloud next to it, which means when i next want to use it it will have to re-download.

So he could have downloaded them a while ago and not used them recently if they have the cloud on home page.

Agree with @MrsDeadlock why would anyone go to the trouble of hacking his account / phone?
The simplest answer is that they didnt, he downloaded them and he's emotional because he's been caught and now he's sticking to his story and asking you how he can prove it, now he's caught its your job to explain it all away and believe his lies whilst he sits all emotional in the corner as he's being unfairly accused.
Wait until he starts getting angry because you don't believe the unbelievable, its coming, trust me.
He's playing you OP and you're falling for it as you don't want to split up, you're in for a world of heartache.

If it's an iPhone. Whenever I download an app for the first time I have to confirm my purchase (pin or face recognition) even if it was free. Not sure if that is always the case or depends upon settings.

He's lying. Simple. He downloaded them years ago in 2015, maybe has been on and off them since. He's now been caught. If you told him before he came home, no doubt anything else incriminating on his phone has been deleted.

Up to you whether you want to ride it out or end the relationship.

Good luck either way.

The trouble is that, whatever you choose to do, you will never trust him again.

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I found my totally dependable husband 's secret phone. Thought it was for porn which I despise. Yep it was there plus a host of other apps .
He too scrambled for explanations and got upset. Think it was the shock of getting caught .
Play it calm , if you can. Take time to think about what you want to do.
It is a horrible thing to be going through . Take care of yourself.

If I accused my DH of something he hadn't or couldn't possibly have done he'd probably laugh. He wouldn't cry.

He would cry if he felt caught out though, I'm sure.

Keep an eye out for Kik too

He downloaded them. Do a search in his email for the name of these apps. If he ever was sent a activation email it could be there.

He maybe hasn't looked at them in years. Maybe that's why he's so upset, he's been caught for something that he thought he got away with. Maybe he believes he's innocent if he genuinely hasn't used them in years.

But he did download them in 2015

OP, said with as much kindness as possible, if you are hoping that someone is going to come along and validate his assertions to try and give you hope he isn't lying, you aren't going to get it. That is because any objective adult who reads this will tell you that you are foolish of you believe a word he has said.

He and he alone has downloaded those apps. Do you have mystery apps appear on your phone that have been downloaded by someone other than you? I don't. I would find it even worse that he is insulting your intelligence by try to pull the wool over your eyes than be honest enough to admit what he has done. That would be the deal breaker for me. Worse than the cheating.

If you make a decision to believe him I would remove yourself from this thread because it's not going to help you to convince yourself.

So sorry you are going through this rotten thing right now

Reset the password and see if there are profiles

He’s definitely downloaded them OP. Have you checked the search history on his browsers?

So sorry. I’ve been there too. Awful 💐

Agree that the crying and emotion seems to clearly point to a very, very guilty and abject person gutted they’ve been found out.

An innocent person would be more likely to be nonplussed then affronted.

Sorry OP.

Yes totally, tears would not be the normal reaction I don’t think, if he genuinely knew nothing about it. If it was me I think it would be laughter and bemusement

OP I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I wish there was another reason for him having these apps but there's no way such specific apps were accidentally downloaded, or that someone hacked his phone just to download them. Hacking takes a long time and often money so it's unlikely someone went through that just to get him in trouble.

As PPs have said, if he was innocent he would've brushed it off with a laugh and confusion. He's getting defensive by crying and having reasons and excuses ready to go- he's planned this response.

I'm so sorry.

The lying is your biggest problem, not the apps. It's possible that he downloaded them because he was having a wobble about your relationship at the time but never actually met up with anyone. However now that he's shown himself to be a convincing liar, you'll never be able to trust him again.

NC

"He handed his phone over to me when he got in... I didn't find anything in messages etc, or really on Instagram."

So you called him and asked him questions? Then he came home with a phone wiped clean? Yeah okay.

PS. No one is going to hack someone's phone and download apps. Sorry. It's ridiculous, but I guess that's all he's got. Nor do apps spontaneously download themselves.

OP I am sorry you find yourself here. I married the love of my life and he cheated on me with prostitutes. He wasn't "that guy" either. Not in my wildest imagination would he have been capable of what he did. Except he was.

He's had the phone for ten years? What model iphone is it OP?

Secret phone using same iTunes account?

@ScrapThatThen

Secret phone using same iTunes account?

I would say that's extremely likely.