If there's a cloud next to an app... he's downloaded it before hasn't he?

[BubbleTeaJunkie]

Been together 15 years. Pure hookup anonymous dating on his iPad.. has a cloud next to it..

My husband was the most loving, considerate, attentive, generous, kind and somewhat shy person ... he still cheated (and lied about it).

I'm so invested in this - I keep coming back for updates hoping to see OP has chucked this loser out on his arse 🙏

@BubbleTeaJunkie so sorry you are going through this.

I’ve been in exactly this position and I forgave. And forgave. And forgave.

It was a waste of time because the first time I forgave him he saw it as a green light to continue despite the sorrys and ‘I don’t know why I’m doing it’ and the ‘therapists’ - one of whom he ended up cheating with!

By the end of our relationship he wasn’t even being careful and would threaten that HE would end things if he thought I was ‘nagging’ him.

Things came to a head once and for all when after a night out he turned his phone off having said he was on the bus home and didn’t reappear til 5am. He’d met someone on the bus and gone home with her. He told me straight away, to wound me for asking him where the hell he’d been.
I had him out of the house by that evening but I’d wasted 2 years by that stage, waiting for him to respect me.

Any man who can lie and prospect and cheat - doesn’t matter if it wasn’t physical, it was cheating - like that and try to cover it with the performance you’ve seen is not a man who will change.

At best he will behave for a while and then go back to his old tricks and you challenging him will be ‘controlling’ and the reason he ‘has’ to look elsewhere.

Or he will resent you from the moment you take him back for revealing his disgusting behaviour to everyone.

You sound line a strong, capable and empathetic woman with a huge amount to offer.
Don’t waste any more of that on him. It doesn’t sound like he brings very much to the table.

His mother wants you to do what’s best for her, not you. If she really thought of you as a daughter she’d be threatening to kick his arse for you.

I know you’ve spent half your life with him but you’ve still got far more life ahead of you.

You can and will do better and that starts with knowing you deserve more than him.

Good luck

How are you feeling today, OP?

@BubbleTeaJunkie just from experience please don't listen to your family, they are all outsiders. You will regret wasting any more years on him and after being on your own for a while and finding yourself again, you will be surprised at how happy you will acutely feel. Also, believe me when I say there are really good men out there! Never stay with someone who doesn't treat you how you would treat them. It's your life after all, you choice how you spend it, just make sure you make the choice for yourself x

First, no innocent man cries if they've been accused of cheating. He's shitting himself. He knows he's been on dating apps. He knows he could lose you, hence why he's crying.

Second, the stuff he's "remembering" is just a distraction away from the truth. Anything other than the truth is better than admitting you're up to no good.

Third, if he's searching high and low for female company then he will more than likely physically meet someone further down the line.

What a shit Christmas you must of had, OP. I’d say your promotion has come just at the right time. 15yrs with a lying cheat is a long time but it’s shorter than 20yrs with a lying cheat which is the highly likely position you’ll find yourself in if you don’t get away now.
Do you possibly want children in the future? If the answer is yes then get out now and give yourself the chance to thrive at your new job, work on your self esteem and meet one of the many millions of decent, respectful, loyal men out there with whom you can consider starting a family with.

@BubbleTeaJunkie

I feel like even my own mum thinks I should give him another chance. She was pissed off and has some choice words to say but I think she thinks he's learnt his lesson...

It feels like people outside of this thread think this one should just be brushed under the carpet. I wonder what people would be saying if I was the one that had done these things.

As much as they probably mean well the truth is that it will be easier for your family if this ends in it going away and you staying together because then none of them have to change anything or support you while you are in pain etc.

Also due to you being together for so long he has been integrated into the family so it will mean they have to rearrange the jigsaw for the future but they will just have to get on with it because you are their family and you have been treated atrociously.

And I’m sorry but this continual drip drip drip of information from him tells me clearly he feel no remorse and told you as little as he possibly could hoping you would buy it and had to over a long period of time give a little more each time with fingers crossed it would be enough.

He doesn’t care about you don’t stay with a person who could treat you like you don’t matter!

@BubbleTeaJunkie - how are you holding up?

@CausingChaos2 Exactly! I was just about to start typing the same thing, then read your reply. I was thinking well hold on how could he of 'clicked on something' and it all just unravelled, just like that?! We all know that on App Store etc, when we want to download it asks for our finger print or Apple ID etc.

OP, no two situations are the same, but I have been through this. The only time there was some truth in what my exP said, was in regards to Badoo, don't know if anyone remembers that. but the first I knew of it is because it had some connection to Facebook, and I was linked to it without even having set things up, because it just took details from your FB profile. Similar happened with exP. But other than that, the rest of his 'excuses' just that really.
We had our DS and he was not even 1 at the time, just sitting there and exP got a message I saw roughly the name of the app it was from and jumped to pick it up well his reaction was enough, of course I got a 'yeah I don't know what that is, it has been happening quite a few times'