If there's a cloud next to an app... he's downloaded it before hasn't he?

[BubbleTeaJunkie]

Been together 15 years. Pure hookup anonymous dating on his iPad.. has a cloud next to it..

@youvegottenminuteslynn that is as if you were a fly on the wall as the situation with my ex played out! The script is so well followed it's unreal.

Babe, he’s lying! Absolutely hideous shit I know. But EVERYONE is capable of lying. My ex-husband lied through his teeth to me for years. Now we are just friends, he has admitted the whole lot.......

Luckily for me, I never put my life upon his faith. If I had done, I would be a dead woman now.

I know all kinds of ostensibly lovely people who are horrible cheats too! Maybe human beings weren’t made to be monogamous...... Either way, darling, it may be entirely true he does love you, but he’s clearly played away, and if that is a deal breaker for you, you HAVE to walk away now.

So sorry this has happened to you, and at this time of all times! Sending much love and strength. Xxx

[quote DrCoconut]@youvegottenminuteslynn that is as if you were a fly on the wall as the situation with my ex played out! The script is so well followed it's unreal.[/quote]
It's unreal how textbook this particular type of man is, isn't it? Just carbon copy, garden variety pricks! Each think they are special and their circumstances make them exempt from judgement or less culpable than others. There's nothing as freeing as leaving a liar.

@Welshgal85

I’m so sorry this has happened OP. Maybe you should call his bluff and ask to take part in some couples counselling with him. Hopefully they could help focus on why he has betrayed you and acted so awfully

He has actually suggested we do this...!

How do you feel about doing that? Couples counselling could be worth a go if you want to work on things? Also it doesn’t allow him to wriggle out of how he has behaved

Make him download/ purchase
How to help you partner heal after your affair.

If he seriously wants to fix your relationship then he'll follow the guidance.

Really though you have the power now, it's up to you.

Also would give you a chance to get some support too!

I don't think you should leap to couples therapy myself. Give yourself some solid time to come to terms with this, and get over the shock. Let him "work on himself" while you look after yourself for a bit.

Thank you for all your support. I don't know where I go from here but at this moment in time we are not together.

He has been a shit... he is now admitting what he's done.. also said he had 'curiously looked at local prostitutes and their pricing' out of interest and wouldn't have ever done anything. I find that in itself quite grim. Really not the guy I thought I'd known 15 years. I didn't even know normal men looked at prostitutes and feel very naive!

Like you all say... with those lying skills I can't believe anything he says now. He did call the therapist as I overheard some of the chat. He's signed up to a block booking.. not sure of the company, he did talk me through the things discussed and notes made.

He's got some issues with problem drinking too.. he has drunken himself into almost being hospitalised several times this year, despite us being in a pandemic. So yes he definitely does have problems he needs to deal with.

He says he goes down a rabbit hole about things.. has some addictive traits that are unhealthy etc.. at the moment what we had is over and I just need to figure out where we go next.

Also found out I've been offered a role today at work that's a big career progression for me... it should be a happy day and he's taken that from me as I now feel very lost and numb.

Thanks to everyone and I'm really sorry to all of you that have had this happen to you, and even more so during Christmas time when it should be all about family and being with your loved ones.

@Welshgal85

How do you feel about doing that? Couples counselling could be worth a go if you want to work on things? Also it doesn’t allow him to wriggle out of how he has behaved

I'm not ruling it out... but I'm not saying yes yet either!

Send him to his parents for Christmas, you have yours visit, make a plan for 2021 without him and starting a new job xx

@zzizz

I don't think you should leap to couples therapy myself. Give yourself some solid time to come to terms with this, and get over the shock. Let him "work on himself" while you look after yourself for a bit.

Thank you. I think that's what I intend to do. I don't want to just jump into that and make it easy for him. I'm going to take my time to figure this out.

He's made his bed, and for now he can lie in it.

I didn't even know normal men looked at prostitutes and feel very naive!

Misogynist, sexist, disloyal, dishonest men do.

Decent ones don't do the things your 'D'H has done.

He's a punter. Think about how much his story has already escalated within a day or so. From point blank denial and crying re downloading some dating apps to now an admission of 'just looking' at LOCAL prostitutes. Your chats so far will be scratching the surface of what he's actually done and he's proven himself to be a convincing liar already.

Please answer this honestly - do you want to have children one day?

I’m not one to be dramatic on these threads, but what he has done would really hurt me.

It’s just how he kept lying and downplaying his actions. I would rather he was just upfront and honest instead of gaslighting. In my opinion, searching for local prostitute pricing is cheating. He may not have undertaken services but the intent was there, hence why he has been so secretive

The mention of therapy is his way of showing you a grand gesture to illicit sympathy/forgiveness. It doesn’t mean he’s going to follow through or change.

Oh OP im so sorry to hear there’s been even more lies to come out! What a dick he is!

Completely agree with what others have said, take time to think things over and do what feels right for you. I hope you are able to have some peace and support this Christmas being with your parents

And an alcoholic as well as a punter. Gross.

Today is a significant day for you. You will look back soon and recognise that from here you will fly. You have been rewarded for all of your hard work in your fabulous career and you will be able to take off without this gross specimen holding you back.

Congratulations on the promotion.

Keep your dignity. You deserve much more than this.

What ties do you have with regards housing and money.

Judging by how much he has disclosed already, it it highly likely there is so much worse to come. He also seems to be minimising much of his deceit by implying he was just looking, curious, wouldn't do anything etc.

He's now scrabbling around desperately trying to save himself. The first suggestion for liars to repair irreversible damage is usually "therapy." This rarely lasts and tends to be a knee jerk reaction. In his case, based on what you have shared, he needs intensive therapy for an extremely long time! 💐

Also, a huge well done on your promotion. I know it must be terribly hard to see light at the end of the tunnel, hopefully your new role will be a glimmer of hope for you right now.

OP, what a horrible situation for you and at such an awful time. What a prize prick.

I think OP he is now confessing up because he is wondering if he has left other trails of evidence of seriously crap stuff , so is pre alerting you - in case you find stuff. I so feel for you— it’s often the least likely candidates that just can’t resist this kind of yet act as if they are are 100% loyal and non sleazy- Ive come to the conclusion a lot of them have split personality’s— doesn’t mean they don’t care about you or love you— they just simply seem unable to stop thinking with their dicks. I think you have to end things, you will never trust him again and drive yourself mad checking up. You might feel you can stay friends - but not more

I'm afraid since it has escalated to mentioning prostitutes, I would be thinking about having an STI test when possible.

You're handling this so much better than many others would. Stay strong.

Fantastic news on the job and just throw yourself into that for now as the first step towards a new life. An honest life away from him.

First- he’s a cunt bag.

Second- well done OP for not rolling over and taking his shit. Concentrate on your AMAZING job opportunity and have a lovely Christmas Day with your family xx

Well he wasn't sorry or see there was a "problem" until you found out. 🤷
I pretty much agree with everything most people have said and those that have predicted his behaviour have been spot on. Of course only you can decide but if you stay together sometime in the future I'm sure you would look back and wish you would have ended it now.
Having mh issues is not an excuse to do all the things he had- loads of people do and don't do that. Sad attempt to try and relieve himself of blame.
Really sorry you're going through this x

Congratulations on your good news, make sure you give yourself a big pat on the back and look forwards to taking on these new responsibilities and skills.