If there's a cloud next to an app... he's downloaded it before hasn't he?

[BubbleTeaJunkie]

Been together 15 years. Pure hookup anonymous dating on his iPad.. has a cloud next to it..

He is a pathetic prick and you deserve better OP. Well done on sending him to his parents, I know it's not easy to do when it's you that's in that position

Enjoy Christmas with your parents, make it very clear that he is not welcome and then start getting all your financial paperwork together, move half of any joint savings to you etc and kick him out for good.

He's a liar and you can't trust a word he says. Are you happy to spend your life with somebody you can't trust? I'm sorry this has happened to you especially at this time of year but please know that he will never change and you're better off without him. How many other lies has he told that you are unaware of

Have faith in yourself you will get through this. You've zhownvreal strength showing him the door to spend time with people that love you. If it's any consolation, because of covid for many this is going to be a very tough Christmas.

I understand your feelings around him lying all day and offering to get his his IT friend to help (that's plain pathetic). That would infuriate me.

I know it's going to be a difficult one, but I wish you a happy Christmas with your family.

Sadly people are capable of anything... My ExH cheated on me with a school mum during term time ( he was a SAHD)

Surely downloading a large number of dating/hook up apps shows at the minimum his mind is elsewhere

People can put on such a convincing display of emotions to fool you.

The display can be so convincing that it is genuine that you think there's no way they're telling lies.

I mean how can someone look you in the eyes crying they didn't do something??? Well rather easily when it's in their best interest.

He is talking shit to you.

Weather you stay with him or not I hope you know that he is telling lies to your face and he thinks tears is enough to fool you.

He is telling lies.

Just read the end of the thread... 'Online cheating' is for surely for those who just can't lure in another willing person.

If you stay, he will carry on, you could take away the phone, iPad etc doesn't matter.

Sadly he's showing that his interest in you is over

I've been through the same, my favourite phrase is 'the trash took itself out' about my ExH of about 6 years now.

Even our 14 year old daughter picks up on the disgusting way he talks about women now and follows lots of models on Instagram... Ick... I'm sure their flattered

I'm sorry OP but good on you for being strong

OP, I did the "pretend everything's ok" Christmas when me and ex-Dp broke up on the 16th Dec as he had been cheating, and it was awful and I really wish I'd just fronted it out.

Don't put yourself through it unless you actually enjoy the company of these people and can be honest and tell them it will be the last Christmas together.

Otherwise hunker down and get pissed, it's far more fun!

I'm so sorry op. I'll never ever get why these men don't confess upon being caught. The lies, manipulation and emotional trauma of the days/weeks of drip drip drip truths cause so much more heartache than an upfront confession would. It cements the revelation that they are dishonest and manipulative to their core. And they ALL do it.

If I were you I'd leave him in his mums for Christmas and you have your family over. Make the best of it but allow that it won't be the best Christmas either was and surround yourself with loving support.

The idea of the two families mixing, where everyone knows what he's done and loyalties are strained, everyone with false smiles on, and the pressure to forgive a forget for the sake of atmosphere. Being cornered by him, who will apologise , beg and say with tears in his eyes "don't ruin Christmas! I'm sorry! Can't we just have a good Christmas?" Or words to that effect (again- they ALL say the same shit). Not worth it IMO.

What is the story with the heart eye emoji next to the colleague? What app was this on?

So another level of admission - I wonder how far down the list he will go? What is online cheating - is it paid for?

Don’t put on a charade - only he will benefit. Be open - sunlight is the best disinfectant. This is not your shame or secret to keep.

Seek comfort from your family and get him gone. I am so glad that you have got to enough of it to make a decision sooner rather than later. It will only be the tip of the iceberg.

@BubbleTeaJunkie
One consolation is that he took less than 24 hrs to admit to it so you were abke to make your decision quickly.

Is he saying he online cheated just in 2015 or has been doing it ever since?

I think you've made the right decision,my husband had emotional affairs throughout our 17yr marriage, it nearly destroyed me.
I am 2.5yrs out and nearly 1 year divorced and I'm like a new person.

I think Xmas should be different this year, why would you want to even see his face on Xmas Day- by all means have his psrents round with yours but dont invite him.

Definitely don't have his family or him. Too much pressure and he needs to live with the consequences of his actions for others. If you want to be with your parents then let them come and make a fuss of you, if they are not helpful then this is a good enough reason to cancel or take the food to theirs so you don't have to host.

OP I think you’re awesome. I love that you’ve taken action straightaway including telling your family. I’m fed up of women keeping their fella’s dirty little secrets for them.

This is not your shame- it’s his. I say leave him at his mum’s for Christmas and enjoy Christmas with your parents. Let him stew and don’t be rushed on what you want to do going forwards.

So sorry OP I really am. I am glad he's admitted a lot of it now so you don't have to keep having the doubt in the back of your mind. Not only has he done this but he also gives you no sexual attention? You are so much better off without him!

I'm so sorry to read this, there's certainly more to the story (there always is) and sadly the lies will just keep coming. I'm speaking from experience.. also destroyed by my H at Christmas 3 yrs back. One piece of advice from me.. it's done, don't look back, I tried to forgive and can assure you once the trust is gone it's gone. Sending 💐 and hugs

You've done the right thing op. Stay strong and start thinking of your own future.

Such a shock, I’m so sorry OP, but today is the beginning of the rest of your life. I’m so glad you have support. You will get through this. Unfortunately he has broken your trust in a spectacular way and it never can be fixed. For someone you thought not the type it’s a double blow. I hope you take good care of yourself and realise your worth as a strong beautiful person who is in control of this situation and your eventual happy & peaceful future 💗

Have a quiet Xmas with your parents. Let him stay at his parents. It will be very awkward having both sets of parents and him there.

If both sets of parents know what’s happened it will be excruciating for them all to be together - don’t put them through that - they don’t deserve it. If only your parents know don’t make them complicit in some inadvertently disingenuous charade with his parents. His parents will be deeply humiliated afterwards when they found out everyone else knew.

Get your support around you whilst you grieve the life you thought you had and planned to have.

One app you might be able to accept as an accident, but 6 is implausible, sorry.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, just before Xmas too. ❤️

He keeps drip feeing more acts of deceit, which is just prolonging the agony. I've no ideas why these men cannot just be honest when they've been caught out. Weakness? Spineless? Lack of morals? Playing the victim? Inbuilt? Whatever the reason, the trust is gone and it's extremely difficult to regain that. And once the respect for them is gone..... it's pretty much over.

I've been in the awful position of what to do about Xmas day. I chose to have it alone. It was awful but I couldn't even fucking look at his deceitful face. I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you. 💐

Thank you so much everyone

He's returned home and is currently talking to a therapist online to try and understand his issues.. I'm unsure what this is for tbh.

@BubbleTeaJunkie

Thank you so much everyone

He's returned home and is currently talking to a therapist online to try and understand his issues.. I'm unsure what this is for tbh.

It's for show.

To make you feel like he has an underlying issue that means he isn't fully responsible for his behaviour.

Has he now admitted to downloading all of them and talking to people on them?

Sorry you’re going through this, its horrible. Good he has admitted to it but sadly my experience is that they do it again. Do you think it was a few years ago only and not since? I think you need to take your time to see how you feel. If you do split dont think of 15 years “thrown away” it isnt.