I matched with a guy on Friday on Tinder, went for an impromptu walk that afternoon- he was pleasant enough and we found out we had been under each others noses all these years (went to the same schools, same college, lived in the same neighbourhood). I didn't have any other plans that evening, so accepted his second date request for a coffee.
He shared a lot of personal information about his very very vulnerable past claiming he couldn't believe he's telling me this, but felt compelled to. We had a third date on the Saturday and again it was pleasant. I felt no spark but I never really have so I tend to keep my guard and let them grow on me type of thing. If the date was overall pleasant with no major red flags, I go on another to double check.
He messages a lot-alot. He texts in the morning, tells me the thought of me makes him smile. We talk for hours on the phone, and ask each other questions ( we have lots in common it seems- our answers are nearly always the same). He said that he is an all in or all out type of guy, and that he spend several years single to learn more about what he likes and doesn't and would rather be single than in the wrong relationship- but he feels something special is brewing between us and that he'd like to give it a real shot. He said he felt a spark and some butterflies on the first date and was buzzing ever since. He has also said he is willing to get off the app and focus on seeing where this goes- intense!
I told him to calm down, that I take things super slow, at my own pace that I have been hurt before, so I am very cautious and petty skeptical and that men talk the talk- I look for actions and for actions to match the words. I told him to stop idealising me, as he doesn't know me yet. I told him that asking me to make a decision to take things forward after 24 hrs is intense and I won't do it ( I think he may have been a little hurt when I told him I had a date arranged for a while, for later in the week- he said he cancelled the dates he had) He has said that he isn't intense, or doesn't mean to come across like that, but that he genuinely feels something special and is very excited about it and that he thinks all the similarities, the fact we were under each others noses, same schooling, all of it are signs that we were aligned and supposed to meet each other- for a reason.This all to me sounds like major love bombing run away territory. He has also said he wants me to keep my guard up so that he can prove he is sincere and that he can earn my trust. He said he wants to build a fulfilling long lasting relationship that is built on friendship, however long it takes, so he's willing to take sex off the table ( however difficult it is for him) for as long as I want- because he wants to get to know me, for me.
I have been semi love bombed before- they get exhausted after a few weeks, it's never the lavish gifts or anything but it's the over promising and under delivering, the compliments, and the verbal affection- so I am always skeptical. Most men I date don't put half as much effort and most certainly don't know what they want. However, through our long conversations, this guy comes across as having his head screwed on well, his values and outlook on life are similar to mine, which makes me a bit pissed off that he is so intense like this.
I guess I'd like to know if from any of your experiences, do men know from the first date that they found someone special? Can they come across intense but from a good place? I can't figure out if he really is love bombing me or if he is a hopeless romantic.