Shaking from DP squaring up to me

[Panicking40609]

Posting in aibu for traffic, I’m sorry

I’m shaking. Argument with DP just happened, I was being passive aggressive cleaning up because he’s passing out, can’t even sit up straight because he’s drunk again. He started drinking wine at 8am this morning. We’re in the process of him moving in with me so during said argument he was packing things to leave.

He just snapped and squared up to me, I told him not to and asked him not to make the argument worse by bringing violence into it. (He has admitted hitting ex in the past). I genuinely thought he was going to hit me, I was mentally preparing for it. In the end I pushed him away and he just picked up his stuff and left.

I’ve locked the door but I’m shaking. I was so scared he would hurt my pets.

He didn’t take long to move from beseeching and sweet talking you to take him back to blaming you and making out you are the one at fault!

Classic abuser.

...well then you made your own bed...

Harsh, and never true.

His behaviour is always his choice, his initiative.

The OP didn't cause this, she can't control it, and she can't cure it. This is something she needs to fully understand. This man doesn't need her.

OP, it might be a very good idea for you to see what www.al-anonuk.org.uk/ can offer you.

You have a strong inclination toward co-dependence.

He is getting angry at you for your very legitimate and logical reaction to him drinking alcohol from 8 in the morning (highly abnormal behaviour) and becoming verbally abusive (unacceptable behaviour whether alcohol is involved or not) and then physically threatening you to the point where you were frightened that violence was imminent (*again, unacceptable regardless of alcohol.)

Now he is wheedling, minimising and now getting angry with you because according to him, YOUR response is unacceptable to HIM?!?!

He doesn’t get to choose.

I know people are saying just block but it isn’t that easy. But it is.

First step: push the block button. That is ALL you have to do

Second step: take a moment to feel relieved, angry, tearful but hold on to that anger

Third step: read back through this thread. Your posts are ineffably sad. Responses are routinely scared for you - why is that, do you think? Stay angry with him

Fourth step: complete that Claire's Law application. Talk to someone in real life... say it out loud, exorcise him/it a little

Fifth step: Most important, forgive yourself for not havng seen it coming. That happened because you are a normal human being and he is an experienced aggressive, violent one!

Moody? Fuck me. That's a rapid shift from remorse to blame. Which I think tells you how genuine his "remorse" was. He wants you to be a non-person, a thing that exists to meet his needs. Honestly OP there is nothing whatsoever to gain for you by keeping him in your life, other than more and more misery. There is zero ways that this can end well for you. I'm a very "see the good in people" person but I can see absolutely nothing good about this man.

How quickly did he turn that around from trying to be sorry to now moaning that you are being moody?? Find your anger.
What you’ve explained is honestly horrific you have THE chance now to get out of it. You’ve already done 2 days without him. Tell all your friends and family what he did so if you ever feel you want to go back there they can remind you what he did as it sounds like you need people on your side to keep telling you that this is not right in any way.
Remember how you feared for your pets, imagine if that was actually a child, how much worse you’d feel and how you’d be connected to this man for probably 18 years.
Walk away while you are totally free, there will never be an easier time than now. You deserve so much better than some drunk, angry, violent excuse for a man.

@Panicking40609

I know people are saying just block but it isn’t that easy. I don’t know to cope though atm. I think I’ve already repressed in my mind how significant what happened was because I feel like I’m over reacting and he’s asking me to stop being moody. I don’t trust my own mind..

He's a nasty drunk, you were scared for yourself & your pets.

Why would you go back to that?

If you want to block, of course it's easy.

OP, and why exactly are you being "moody" while Little Mr Sunshine starts drinking at 8am? No matter how moody you are , that still does not give him any right to "square up to you". It is not a healthy relationship though.

You are starting to accept his excuses, blame yourself. This is what abusers do, they gaslight you so you don't know your own mind.

It IS that easy to block him, you just don't want to. I know it is hard when a relationship ends, but this man is showing you that he is an aggressive drunk. You cannot want to live that life of aggression and fear, to have DC with him?

Listen to what all the MN'ers are saying to you, please. You can choose to stay and become a victim, or you can choose to not let him back into your life.

This does sound like classic abusive behaviour. Certain relationship issues can be worked through but anything involving violence or potential violence - no way.

I'm hoping you haven't forgiven him as you haven't been back.

How are you feeling now OP?

Just be thankful you found out what he really was. Before you let move him in .

@Emeraldshamrock

I'm hoping you haven't forgiven him as you haven't been back.

But even if you have, you should always post when you need to. You’ll always get support.

I will update everyone. Just mentally exhausted. The thought of retelling all that’s happened is daunting

I really hope you're OK and safe OP

We are here for you. Stay strong.

Ok

Take care and stay listen

Please listen to the many wise people on here

Glad to hear from you OP.

🌺

Be so glad that you got your key back.

You are at a crossroad.

How you behave now will determine a lot.

He's shown you exactly who he is.

Don't inflict this abusive man on innocent children.
Please.

So just to clarify, he absolutely adores that dog. A lot of our arguments come from how he lets her do whatever and claims her bad puppy behaviour is my issue. She had vets today so I had to give her back. Met up in public as advised, he was drinking when I met him. We talked and I told him I in no way was getting back together with him especially with his issues not being addressed.

He then I shit you not basically said ‘what anger issues?’ ‘You can’t say I have to stop drinking, I’m drinking now and it’s not an issue is it?’

So everything he said he’d do all of a sudden wasn’t true. Then he shouted at me in public.

I’m home now, alone with my kitties. What a piece of shit.

I'm actually glad he's done that today OP because now you are in NO DOUBT that dumping him is the right thing to do. Run away, don't look back. Think what a lucky escape you've had.

Thankfully at your meeting he showed beyond doubt he has no intention of changing.

As a pp said - he isn't special, just another abusive POS.

He couldn’t even keep his promises for a fucking week. What a prick.