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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why won't he move in?

299 replies

baublesforme · 12/12/2020 17:20

Will try to keep this shortish if I can! So I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now, I’m 8 months pregnant. It wasn’t planned but we spent a long time discussing wether we should continue with the pregnancy, we hadn’t been together long so it wasn’t an easy decision.
We both decided we loved each other and were happy, wanted to move in together and have this baby. Months pass and we have been happy, still living apart though at the moment.
We spend most of the week together, but weekends he goes home. We both have children from previous relationship, we’ve both met each other’s kids and all has been fine. He has his daughter who is 5 at weekends, I’ve suggested numerous times that he bring her and stay at mine, because the plan is once baby is born we we will all be living together, he will move in with me because it’s more practical. However it’s getting closer and closer to baby’s due date and he’s still not moved in, or brought his daughter to stay over.

I keep telling him he should be here living, his daughter too, for a while before baby is born so she settles in, but he just seems to brush it off, and won’t do it. I’ve asked him why and he doesn’t seem to have a reason, there is no practical reason why he can’t just move in.

He rings and messages me all weekend saying he misses me, Hates being away from me, but yet he’s choosing to be away from me? I don’t have my kids weekends, they are with their dad, so I’m often alone all weekend, especially at the minute with the restrictions in place.
I find it so frustrating! I don’t get it. He can’t give me a reason to not get on and move in. And I can’t think of a reason why he hasn’t!

We get on with each other’s kids, we both know how it will work financially when living together as it’s been discussed, we are both happy together, what reason could he be holding back?! He said he wants us to live together! I’m so confused. Not even sure what I’m asking here really... maybe some advice on getting him to get on with it, or at least tell me why he isn’t..

OP posts:
dogmandu · 27/12/2020 17:50

OMG so am I

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 27/12/2020 18:49

OMG me too!

MrsBrunch · 27/12/2020 19:06

He's moved in?

Honeyroar · 27/12/2020 19:21

He’d better not have just spun you another line!

Honeyroar · 27/12/2020 19:21

Oh gosh, I missed a page. He’s here??!

Dontbeme · 27/12/2020 19:52

Wait has he actually moved all his stuff in, or has he just shown up to stay his usual nights for the workweek?

nimbuscloud · 27/12/2020 19:54

So he kept you wondering right up to the last minute. He really has got you where he wants you Op.

MrsBrunch · 27/12/2020 19:55

@Dontbeme

Wait has he actually moved all his stuff in, or has he just shown up to stay his usual nights for the workweek?
Yes, that's what I'm thinking too. Who packs up a whole house and moves in a couple of hours. I expect he's just brought a few bits and more lies.
baublesforme · 27/12/2020 21:50

His daughter is here too. He never stays on a Sunday night so this is a first... he brought some stuff yeah but he was never going to being a hole house, I've got everything in my house already and his dad is going to live in his for the time being.

I'm not saying this will be plain sailing at all, but this is a start.

OP posts:
lovellost · 27/12/2020 22:07

Good for you OP , I am happy for you . I wish you all the best for the future Smile

BlueThistles · 27/12/2020 23:08

OP this is great news Xmas Grin

I hope your relaxing and taking care of yourself... Flowers

Honeyroar · 27/12/2020 23:11

Best of luck. How long until the baby comes? I hope it all goes well.

Doyouavocado · 27/12/2020 23:31

Best of luck x

axile234 · 24/01/2021 00:29

I think a lot of this one boils down to responsibility . Changing shitty nappies . Nite feeds sleepless nites . And your boy want's none of it . Because once he's there . It's that much harder to walk away from it

Iflyaway · 24/01/2021 04:02

He hasn't contributed financially to my household bills or rent though.

Wow. Living there Monday to Friday? Fucking miser.

he said from the beginning he would help support us financially.

So why are you letting him live off you for free? You are the one who has the power here, in your own home, paying out for him to eat, utilities etc. WHY?!

BlueThistles · 24/01/2021 04:15

@Iflyaway

He hasn't contributed financially to my household bills or rent though.

Wow. Living there Monday to Friday? Fucking miser.

he said from the beginning he would help support us financially.

So why are you letting him live off you for free? You are the one who has the power here, in your own home, paying out for him to eat, utilities etc. WHY?!

OP is way beyond this now 🌺

Monty27 · 24/01/2021 04:36

OP do you have an update?

1forAll74 · 24/01/2021 04:47

I think you need to try and get this sorted out properly,everything up in the air like this is no good. If he has made some kind of promises to you, he needs to explain exactly what he intends to do. You do say that you can cope if he won't make any plans, but he is being shoddy about letting things slide, so you don't know what to think.

timeisnotaline · 24/01/2021 04:50

Not sure why this thread has picked up again, but I am pretty sure op updated elsewhere and her partner moved back out again shortly- pathetic on his part. I’m sorry, op.

oreo2020 · 24/01/2021 06:03

OP I'd like an update if possible!!

AlwaysCheddar · 24/01/2021 08:04

So you were successfully in forcing him to move in. What a great relationship.

WizardOfAus · 24/01/2021 08:23

Fuck right off @AlwaysCheddar. Get me some crackers while you’re at it.

Monty27 · 28/01/2021 19:24

@baublesforme do you have any update?

BlueThistles · 29/01/2021 01:09

Baby must be due soon Flowers

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