Why won't he move in?

[baublesforme]

Will try to keep this shortish if I can! So I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now, I’m 8 months pregnant. It wasn’t planned but we spent a long time discussing wether we should continue with the pregnancy, we hadn’t been together long so it wasn’t an easy decision.
We both decided we loved each other and were happy, wanted to move in together and have this baby. Months pass and we have been happy, still living apart though at the moment.
We spend most of the week together, but weekends he goes home. We both have children from previous relationship, we’ve both met each other’s kids and all has been fine. He has his daughter who is 5 at weekends, I’ve suggested numerous times that he bring her and stay at mine, because the plan is once baby is born we we will all be living together, he will move in with me because it’s more practical. However it’s getting closer and closer to baby’s due date and he’s still not moved in, or brought his daughter to stay over.

I keep telling him he should be here living, his daughter too, for a while before baby is born so she settles in, but he just seems to brush it off, and won’t do it. I’ve asked him why and he doesn’t seem to have a reason, there is no practical reason why he can’t just move in.

He rings and messages me all weekend saying he misses me, Hates being away from me, but yet he’s choosing to be away from me? I don’t have my kids weekends, they are with their dad, so I’m often alone all weekend, especially at the minute with the restrictions in place.
I find it so frustrating! I don’t get it. He can’t give me a reason to not get on and move in. And I can’t think of a reason why he hasn’t!

We get on with each other’s kids, we both know how it will work financially when living together as it’s been discussed, we are both happy together, what reason could he be holding back?! He said he wants us to live together! I’m so confused. Not even sure what I’m asking here really... maybe some advice on getting him to get on with it, or at least tell me why he isn’t..

It sounds to me as if the household will be far too stressy and noisy for him with 4 other relatively young children.

This is not to defend him in any way, but for most people that would be a huge challenge.

@dogmandu he stays with me Monday to Friday with all my kids here, he has never once complained about them being noisy or anything. Even if this was the case, he knew I had 4 kids when he decided with me to continue this pregnancy and move In together. Poor him 🙄.

It does seem like he wanted his life to continue as it always had, and he was just paying lip-service to what you wanted.

@baublesforme

I'm not for one minute defending him. He knew exactly the situation.
I'm a granny myself and I love my grandchildren to bits and wouldn't change them for the world, but I also know that after a couple of days in their company I'm relieved to get home for a bit of peace and quiet.

@dogmandu I agree. I think all mums feel like this once the kids are in bed some days.

I'm a granny myself and I love my grandchildren to bits and wouldn't change them for the world, but I also know that after a couple of days in their company I'm relieved to get home for a bit of peace and quiet

Really? & If their Dad said the same and wanted away for weekends but miraculously can put up with them in the week whilst his cooking cleaning and washing is done for him, you'd say the same, would you?

Fuck and go, is it?

I agree with another poster that it sounds like he just doesn't want to. Otherwise he would have moved in a long time ago, especially as you're pregnant with his baby.

He's not their Dad is he. And that's the point!

As I said, I'm not defending him, just giving one plausible reason he may be getting cold feet.

He's not their Dad is he. And that's the point!

Ohhh I see. That's alright then.

Thankfully there are stepdads out there who don't have your mindset.

Crack on with pushing the notion that man can be with a woman most of the week, partake of food comfort and sex, then pregnancy (and I fully believe you feel it was an immaculate conception, after the heavenly miracle of his temporary blindness being removed from him, Amen 'OMG she has several children? I thought they were statues!)

& Now, after all of that - Oh he can't move in of course it's understandable The Great Men do need their peace. Service will resume on a Monday.

Will The Man's need of peace include peace from the child he's created with OP - just wondering?

The Patriarchy Pattys have a solution for that too, no doubt. As long as The Men aren't disturbed of course, all is well.

@DeeCeeCherry

He's not their Dad is he. And that's the point!

Ohhh I see. That's alright then.

Thankfully there are stepdads out there who don't have your mindset.

Crack on with pushing the notion that man can be with a woman most of the week, partake of food comfort and sex, then pregnancy (and I fully believe you feel it was an immaculate conception, after the heavenly miracle of his temporary blindness being removed from him, Amen 'OMG she has several children? I thought they were statues!)

& Now, after all of that - Oh he can't move in of course it's understandable The Great Men do need their peace. Service will resume on a Monday.

Will The Man's need of peace include peace from the child he's created with OP - just wondering?

The Patriarchy Pattys have a solution for that too, no doubt. As long as The Men aren't disturbed of course, all is well.

You are over reacting . That is not what @dogmandu said . Four children who are not yours is a big step . It would work both ways - a woman might decide no she is not moving in with her new man who has four kids . It's the truth stark as it is .

VivaMiltonKeynes

It's not a woman though, is it? So, moot point.

It is in fact a man who's cool with spending most of week around these children, but all of a sudden his partner is pregnant with their child and it's an issue for him to be part of the family.

You and your ilk condone him bailing out. As 'they're not his kids'. Nice. Also Conveniently missing the point that the new arrival to household WILL be his kid.

He chose to get with a woman who has several children, presumably he didn't have his arm twisted. Onwards from that, he still created a baby with her.

He's already living apart from 1 child now this will be another.

That is the stark truth, as is the man-coddling of patriarchy 1st women..

We really need an update here!

@TwentyViginti

He's saying I'm not being fair

A cocklodger would say that, wouldn't he?

It's not fair his free weekday board and lodgings will stop. Waaaah!!!!

This!!!

Is your house closer to his work?

He's had free food and lodgings for months! Can't believe he hasn't contributed to the food bill!! 🙀

@baublesforme

Thanks for the kind replies, I'm ignoring the rude ones! Oh I'm prepared to do it alone, I'll do that rather than what the situation is now. I haven't ended it, but I've made it clear that things are not going to continue the way they have been. I told him from now I'm going to go on like I intend to have the baby without him, because it's obvious he isn't going to move in and I'm done believing that he is. Nothings really changed on his part, he's just feeling sorry for himself

So basically he’s not moving in then? And you’re still seeing him? Honestly you shouldn’t make threats you don’t wish to carry through. And I fully understand why you wouldn’t wish to carry this one through,

MizMoonshine

Truth hurts ......

@monkeymonkey2010

I think you obviously have some issues with the OPs situation. But you need to grow up and learn not to take your problems out on other people. I am reporting your post, no idea if it will be taken down but that level of antagonism is out of order.

Sorry yes I'll update!

Nope I'm not seeing him, and he's said he's moving in Christmas weekend. I've told him I'm not seeing him till then. He's not happy about it obviously... but we had a long chat and he's said he doesn't want to lose me, he said he wants this... so time will tell won't it. In the mean time he's given me some money towards bills the last few months.

@TartanLassie he doesn't have a base for work he goes around the country doing what he does so it's not closer but it's not further either.

Christmas weekend? You mean 26th/27th December?

@MrsBrunch yes because he's away with work this weekend anyway. I'm not holding my breath but we will see if it happens!

But WHY be not happy about it? You should be - you have been telling me and telling me you want this for months now. One grumpy comment about it and you can move the fuck back out, you should be over the moon. Think very very hard about giving baby his name Op. and if he can be this painful about one decision it is a given this is him and he will be this painful about lots of other decisions.

User775633244
you need to grow up and learn not to take your problems out on other people...that level of antagonism is out of order

I think you need to take your own 'advice' and grow up - and realise that i can express MY OPINION ON THE SUBJECT MATTER just like everyone else - and no, it does NOT need to replicate everyone else's.

There's no 'antagonism' in my post - that's your own judgement.
It's that poor child i feel sorry for - both its parents think they have a 'right' to just keep having children and it's the kids who get messed about.

@monkeymonkey2010

Your post was removed, I think that indicates that you are not free to say whatever you want. There are limits to what you can say to others.

In my opinion , there was a lot of antagonism in your post. By your own logic I should be allowed to say that, which I did. So nothing more to be said on the matter.