Dating Thread 197 - Dating into 2021 and beyond

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Ruralbliss nooooooo you'll end up looking needy!!!

Really?!! How so @Eesha I never responded to his bailing on our weekend together late Nov not even a 'where have you gone' or 'how bloody dare you ghost me' just let him go.

I thought the comedy & the best wishes show I'm definitely not after him & just genuinely wish him well as did really care for him

You think I'm deluded and it deletes all my head held high dignity?

Tbh it doesn't matter what he thinks/doesn't think and I'll probs never know. Just thinking it'll be nice of me to offer olive branch so he knows I've got no hard feelings towards him (and if he ever decides he might want a platonic mate then maybe that's something I'd consider...maybe as we did have helluver lot in common on paper just not a good romance/emotion/sex/cerebral match)

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm......

I think it's okay to send a text rural as long as you genuinely aren't bothered about the response

@Ruralbliss I think you've done loads to show you are fine with things by staying away but if you text, I think it would show you are still thinking of him. Why not wait and see if he texts you?

He deffo won't text @Eesha which doesn't bother me but I do want to have some sort of 'we're cool right' msg

Also he's got a few of my (expensive) belongings that although I'm desperate for I'd quite like back sometime

He gave me a really amazing gift which I don't need and feel bad for having so again if the channels of platonic comms were to get opened I'd be offering that back (and really hoping he says to keep it 😂)

@Ruralbliss - In a similar boat over sending a how are you text to MsS. Would like to know but sitting on hands. Is it too early for wine?

Thanks all re unenthusiastic iron. Whilst not an outright no, the lack of enthusiasm is undeniable.

I think if you want stuff back @Ruralbliss then good to keep communication open but only if you are ok with the response. Personally I'd be resentful because I would think why not me. But then I'm like that!!

I'm still swiping hopefully, so probably count myself as one of the desperate or crazies! 😅

@Ruralbliss if I'd ghosted someone, and they sent that to me I'd be unsure whether they genuinely meant it, or it was meant sarcastically so I probably wouldn't reply assuming the worst. If you do want to stay in touch with him, then I reckon a more upfront message saying that would be better - maybe send in a day or two as everyone will be busy messaging people tonight?

I've got a couple of "dating paused due to Tier 4" irons I'll be wishing Happy New Year to, plus a couple of new irons I'm chatting to on the apps. I'll also send one to Miss H, as we've spoken a couple of times since she ended it 6 weeks ago and always replies back quickly. Saying that, she hasn't got in touch with me first, and doesn't often ask about me so I'm not sure how bothered she is that I stay in touch.

And things with my "lots in common and fancy her" match from 2 days ago are looking positive - we've had a few long messages back and forth, and she seems keen on a walking date - hopefully this weekend!

Thanks all.

Also if I do send hilarious text (with 😂 for maximum obviousness of sarcasm) to the phantom iron it also opens the door for him to say 'Sorry' which if he doesn't take the opportunity to say makes him an even bigger not-good-for-me than he would be if he got back in touch and apologised the vanishing and general lack of respect or flakiness.

I'm actually looking forward to sending it now. It'll be an interesting experiment

HNY one and all. Here's to the birth of 2021 whatever it brings and the strength & courage to face it all

Happy New Year lovely thread. Looking forward to your shoulders to cry on when I venture back out there in January 😊

April isn’t it when things hopefully start easing up?

Happy to take things one day at a time with my two irons

but if I want make new contacts when the boys are both on the high seas I’ll probably get fit as a fiddle, and get back on the apps in March

I've got a first meet planned in a supermarket car park with lovely seeming MeGeog on Sunday. He says he's brought a fluffy duvet for his van 'for warmth' 🤔

I asked him what on earth did he think I meant by my risking being a 'super-spreader' by coming to meet him.

Oh how we laughed but seriously I'm really struggling with the risk to our respective tribes if anyone has caught Covid and asymptomatic or yet to develop symptoms.

He's been nowhere near anyone but has his kid to stay. I've had a date in a pub and have teens who have seen an occasional mate.

We are in a low infection rate area but....

Not an easy time to do dating at all.
We need those t-shirts printed up!

Haha to the fluffy blanket @Ruralbliss

If Mr long walks doesn’t text me can I text him or is that a big no no???

I’d just text him @LongtimelurkerL. Why not?

Haha @SleepyBunk

I don’t know @DudeFromThatLondon because of all the bloomin’ if he’s into you he’d text rules! I’m not trying to look desperate or needy or pathetic - there is no facepalm

@LongtimelurkerL it's NYE, so I think the normal rules can be ignored tonight. No one is going to read too much into a Happy New Year text. Just bear in mind he may be busy, drunk or go to bed early so don't worry if he doesn't respond.

I've just seen a meme about dating that seems very apt.

"Dating is just wondering why someone is single, then figuring it out"

Haha @TheCatWithTheHat I think he’s come back to London so presume he’s with his bubble this evening

I’d just text him and be done with it. It doesn’t look any of those things on NYE. When’s the last time you heard from him? I mean he’s going to reply right?

Tuesday evening @DudeFromThatLondon and yeah I’d be surprised if he didn’t

@LongtimelurkerL i texted Mr Yoga as I'm going to have an early night so I wished him a happy New year. It's a time where I think 'rules' fly out of the window

Lol snap @eesha I’m just doing my yoga then snoozing so got my messages out of the way it’s been a long year

Urgh thanks @Eesha and @SleepyBunk I just don’t want to look pathetic - I like this one arg

You’re not pathetic @LongtimelurkerL - there’s a difference between sending a friendly (slightly flirty) text with someone you’ve met in a dating context and turning up at his front door begging him to marry you (and even if you got drunk and did so what I’m sure many sorted women have done similar from time to time ? )

There’s nothing wrong with your feelings, Being interested in someone nice and wanting to connect with them isn’t anything to be ashamed or nervous about.

If he’s not interested that’s not a value judgement on you at all, it’s probably better to know sooner as well.

@LongtimelurkerL I think be yourself and text him. You can't make anyone want you/feel things for you. I often wish that but you just cant. They just do or they don't. Just text him and keep it breezy and light. See how it goes when he is back here and things are back to normal.