Dating Thread 197 - Dating into 2021 and beyond

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

So Mr Brain....very elusive since Xmas day, no firm plans of a 6th date. I messaged him yesterday to see if things were ok and he says he's been busy and he's sorry. Nothing today, no "looking fwd to seeing you on..." no "how have you been?" no "what have you been up to?" I'm getting vibes it's going or gone sour. From day 1 he said he'd be honest with me. What do you guys think?

@DudeFromThatLondon to me that's a let down lightly thing. Why bother with her if she isn't enthused.

Anyone else slightly daunted by corona now? My best friend was flaunting the rules and out dating now has it as does her entire family with her mother in hospital too. My other friend is awaiting an ambulance as we speak. Crazy times.

@Whoknows11 i dont think he's that interested, no one is that busy. It's easy to say you'll be honest but in reality, people are chicken. I would keep my eye out for other irons.

@eesha that's scary!! I feel ok ish as I've already had the vaccine. However I'm still staying away from my family!

@eesha thanks, I reckon you're right 😔

Yes, it's gone from a remote possibility at the end of November (1 in 900 infected) to a close possibility (1 in 70) at the last survey @Eesha. I've been ill myself since mid December, and that was shortly after DS's bubble was sent home to isolate after a breakout in his class.

@NVision I would say also try to broaden your horizons and not rely too much on online dating. It's tough to be interesting and work, and parent, and you've got to eke out every spare moment you can and spend it on yourself. Develop some interests where you can, preferably sociable ones, then the marginal returns from online won't be such a big deal.

Nvision as others are saying, you sound lovely and not boring at all. A positive, up-beat profile should attract the right women, and give the ones you're not immediately attracted to a chance. You might be surprised. Good luck!

dude sounds like she's just not that into you... Why she can't just tell you I don't know. It would be the respectful thing to do.

whoknows sounds like he's just not that into you... Sorry.

@Eesha yes, it all seems a bit more serious now. It also seems like they're suggesting things might be locked down until the end of March now which is really depressing if true.

@Whoknows11 my two previous irons both slowed down on comms and then claimed they were busy/ stressed. It’s a let down gently/cowardly let down (depending on your perspective-the latter for me!) imo.
Move on as I truly believe if they like you they will make time for you.
@NVision great advice from everyone else. I would just add that you should consider your age preferences. Because you sound mature for your age and are also in a more settled lifestyle with your DS, job house etc so you would be a very attractive prospect to older (than you) women who want to settle down in that way.

My date last night with Mr TG went really well. We spent hours chatting and becoming intimately acquainted with each other 😊 I really like him and the way things are progressing and he seems to feel the same. Although the lockdown will scupper things I feel like we can both wait it out. Time will tell but so far so good 😊

@mayzee how long were you dating for? Did you call them out on it?

It's only been 5 dates so I'm not fully invested luckily!!

[quote Whoknows11]@mayzee how long were you dating for? Did you call them out on it?

It's only been 5 dates so I'm not fully invested luckily!![/quote]
@Whoknows11 about 2 months chatting and loads of chats but only 3 dates in both cases.
I was of course totally overinvested and very hurt particularly the first time. I did say to him as he ghosted and then reappeared as if nothing happened. His response was I deserved better and he was just so busy 🙄 then he reappeared again when I was seeing the other one and was totally chasing me as I had some else. Just flaky as hell but I don’t think he was a bad person.

When Mr German dropped off on comms and didn’t want to meet up, I asked did he want to cool things and his reason was he was stressed with life and with lockdowns etc he wanted to push things to the future and last I heard was a meme that I ignored end of Nov!
That’s my tale of woe. But as I’m now seeing someone who messages everyday without fail, never leaves it ages to respond to me, and remembers things I tell him and references them again, I can see the difference.
I’ll still be overinvested

@mayzee gees that sucks on both accounts! I have no idea what goes on in their heads.

My last date with Mr Brain last week went well in my view. What I thought was a step in the right direction and gave me hope is he held my hand when we walked too and fro the pub! He reached out! I prob wouldn't have!

Oh well.......next!!

@Whoknows11

I don’t really invest that early but like @Mayzee said be prepared for a disappearing then a
reappearance, probably after you’ve met someone else

It was definitely not a big deal to me but someone I was very casually dating did this after 4/5 dates - sort of got very terse in contact and acting like I was being a drag/pushy when I’m not even that much of a texter and was just continuing to arrange plans they themselves had instigated?

Of course after they’d worked through whatever it was they needed (chasing after another contact I reckon ) I got the “casual testing the waters” contact message which I cheerfully ignored.

@Bunkbedpeople it’s such a predictable outcome isn’t it?
I was quite stupid because Mr Blue Eyes reappeared yet again when things with Mr German we’re starting to wane and I agreed to meet for a chat. Texted the day before the planned meet and nothing- ghosted again! I felt like a fool but it gave me the push I need to see him for what he was. He actually texted once more as if there hadn’t been weeks of a gap and this time I ignored and deleted him.
He did me a favour because if we had met up I wouldn’t have matched with Mr TG. So thanks Mr BE for being a flake😂

I don't get it either! Especially as he was the keen one in the beginning and I wasn't!

I'm chatting to someone else now which is taking my mind off from messaging just a little bit. I know I deserve more!

dude that sounds like she wants to keep you as a back up in case other options don't pan out- either way, she's not being enthusiastic so I'd say move on

whoknows11 you do deserve better!

My walking date today was nice enough but no spark so I sent him a nice message saying that and wishing him well

I had a restaurant date with Mr Engineer scheduled for Friday but we've both been moved into higher tiers tonight so that's a no go. I can't face another dreary cold (probably wet) walking date so I sent him a message saying in view of tiers probably best we postpone meeting until things are a little more normal. Hes been online but not read it so assume he saw it in the preview window and is making a point. Oh well 🤷‍♀️ I've snoozed apps as just don't see point at the moment

@DudeFromThatLondon I'd just not answer and see what happens if anything.

Some for @Whoknows11 I'd just let that one slide and if he comes back great but if not you've got your dignity and head held high so as to not do the chasing.

Yes I'm really not up for getting Covid and annoyingly just had a really ace 4 HOUR video call with a lovely lovely iron who is keen to meet but respectful of my not wanting to risk getting it.

I'll call him MrGeog - a funny, self- effacing, quiet, self sufficient, well traveled guy who is not my usual type of rock n roll muso boys with crazy backstories.

Definitely acting like I'm the prize - laughed at my stupid word play, asked Qs, paid attention when I waffled on a bit about my job or kids.

Oh and he has a camper van 😂😂😂😂

Not sure whether a car park meet and a sit in his van is ok in these scary killer virus times or whether I should stay home.

Feels like I'd have some interesting explaining to do to my kids - "oh I'm just breaking Covid rules to meet a random bloke. Back soon!"

Or wait until next weekend when they got to their dads but I'm not that keen on them doing that now as my XH has public facing job and is a chink in our armour.

Saw this

lol @Ruralbliss

Also...

Loving all the memes.

@Mayzee - sounds like you had a lot of fun🙊

Mr K has just had a positive for Covid - I'm feeling pissed off but my DS says I'm being unreasonable as its not his fault.

I think he has got it from his son because apparently they're all ill too but didnt get tested😡

Son is school age and so I guess this was likely to happen at some point but I know son's mum and new partner dont follow the rules (and partner has had his own son up from London which I know is permitted but...)

The reason I'm pissed off is that I was due to start a new job next week😭

Mr K was here Xmas Eve and from Boxing Day until 28th.
He had a very minor sniffle while here but I'm not sure if that was a symptom but he got a cough and fuzzy head on 29th hence the test.

So now I need to self isolate for 10 days from his first symptoms.....so is that 29th or 24th?

Mr K doesnt want to blame his son and says he may have got it from a petrol pump🤦‍♀️

Also its DDs birthday tomorrow and I need to get stuff for that🙁

Please tell me I'm unreasonable and this was just a matter of time because I need to stop being annoyed🤣

@SortingItOut

I think you’re definitely allowed to be annoyed unless you have the patience of a saint! Nothing wrong with feelings.

(I’d personally be internally raging and staring at my phone trying to physically stop myself from writing slightly furious passive aggressive messages to all concerned )

Confident you’ll sort it and come to an appropriate solution though 💪🏽

Not sure on isolation as no-one I know has had it, the big corona forum section might be more helpful

@SleepyBunk
This is exactly how I felt last night:

(I’d personally be internally raging and staring at my phone trying to physically stop myself from writing slightly furious passive aggressive messages to all concerned)

And I'm still feeling the same this morning🙁