DH had lunch with another woman

[pizzaandcats]

Today my DH had a day off work while I was at home working (he gets a day off in the week if he is scheduled to work a weekend). He told me a few days ago that he would going out for a meal with some old work friends today. He also mentioned a little while ago that they were planning a team secret santa but then hasn't mentioned this since to say who he chose or that he was buying the gift (stay with me this will all be relevant in the end).

When he got back from the meal today he had a wrapped up present from his secret santa and told me it was from "A" (a woman he works with). I asked who he'd picked and he'd also coincidentally chosen "A".

When I asked who was at the meal he said it just ended up being him and "A" but that he did see some other people from the team before hand (I don't understand how he saw them before hand at a restaurant but they didn't stay for the meal. I didn't ask though as I felt like I'd quizzed him enough at this point).

Basically I am feeling uncomfortable about the fact that he went out for a meal just him and another woman and exchanged christmas presents. I just feel like he's been pretty vague about how it ended up being just the two of them and its quite a coincidence that they both chose each other in a secret santa too. Is my mind running away with me too much or is the situation very weird?

I also had to ask today what he bought for her as his present and usually he would just tell me or ask my advice on what he should buy.

[pizzaandcats]

He went on a night out before lock down with a few people from work including her. This time I know they were all there as I picked him up afterwards. They were all drunk and she and another girl came to say hi to me. Nice as anything and we had a bit of a tongue in cheek laugh at DHs expense (as you do when that's your only common interest)

[80sColourfulChristmas]

I hate to say it OP but I think it's a "Get your Ducks in a row" situation. Get your financial details sorted, paperwork etc. I'm so sorry

[purplerainox]

I once unlocked my own phone by holding up a photo of myself to the camera to see if it worked and it did

[pizzaandcats]

@80sColourfulChristmas we have just bought our house and taken out a loan to replace the windows and front & back door (unexpected extra expense that the survey didn't pick up) we are also trying for a baby and have been for nearly 2 years. I've just been referred to a fertility clinic. The timing couldn't be worse

[pizzaandcats]

@purplerainox that is genius!! Now just to get the phone for long enough away from him. We are both quite bad for taking our phones wherever we go, even around the house

[CountreeGurl]

I think it's plausible, if he was having an affair surely he would have lied snd said they all had dinner. This happened to me at a male colleague's leaving party. Everyone went home after a couple of drinks, we carried on to dinner and more drinks we are both happily married, it isn't that odd a scenario

[JurassicParkAha]

Lying about the Secret Santa is not even being evasive, it's a straight up lie.

It could be that he's close friends with this woman (not necessarily an affair or romantic), but doesn't want the aggro of explaining - so has come up with this very odd story. But in an adult relationship, he can't have friendships close enough to share xmas presents and break covid rules for, and keep you in the dark.

I cannot understand why the other colleagues wouldn't join for lunch, if they went to the trouble of meeting up - unless they felt like they were third wheeling. Like you they may think (and it could be incorrect) that something is going on. It genuinely could be just a friendship.

I would ask him, very non confrontationally, and without being accusing, why he doesn't share more with you about their friendship. And give him an easy open into confiding whatever TF is going on.

[pizzaandcats]

This is just it, he left the house saying he was meeting a few people and came back saying it was just the one. Why wouldn't he just keep up the lie? There's almost no chance someone saw him that could report back to me. I don't know anyone who lives or works in the area except DH.

[PleaseLetIanBeDead]

Can you look on his amazon at his recent purchases?

A diary isnt something you would buy someone you was shagging

[NotaCoolMum]

I’d ask him to show you his Amazon order!

[NotaCoolMum]

@PleaseLetIanBeDead

Can you look on his amazon at his recent purchases?

A diary isnt something you would buy someone you was shagging

100% THIS!!!

[pizzaandcats]

Does amazon tell you if someone has logged onto your account from a new device? I might be able to guess his password but really don't want his phone to tell him I've done that!!

[pizzaandcats]

I doubt he'd show me his orders because he's been ordering presents for me too

[lunalulu]

Um ... I'm afraid that when something sounds like bollocks, it usually is.

He 'just' got her a diary on Amazon?? That's more elaborate (ordering, somehow getting the delivery without you realising? Or to a pick-up locker??). And very much pre-planned. So he knew for some time this lunch was happening. And that he had to bring a present.

Two colleagues drive a distance to go fir an Xmas lunch. They haven't been included in the not-Secret-Santa-but-still-an-agreed-present-buying, and they mysteriously decide not to attend the lunch they've just driven to, and go home.

This is a super flimsy plot.

IMO, he went for a pre arranged lunch, with a present he'd ordered, got and wrapped without your knowledge, and there were definitely no others invited. It sounds like bollocks to me.

Where do you live? I will come round right now and open that damn present! No, seriously - just remove the bloody present from the wardrobe, see what it is then put it in the recycling.

He told you because you saw the present. And maybe someone saw them.

It's all wrong and he's making stuff up as he goes along. I'm sorry but it does se weird :(

[BigBaublesGalore]

@pizzaandcats

Does amazon tell you if someone has logged onto your account from a new device? I might be able to guess his password but really don't want his phone to tell him I've done that!!

Yes it does

[PleaseLetIanBeDead]

Does he not have amazon on an ipad or computer? Is it just his phone?

[BigBaublesGalore]

If he's sound asleep I would be cracking open that present and sliding the phone out from under his pillow... is it an iPhone? Even though you have fingerprint and face you usually have a passcode too

[BigBaublesGalore]

@PleaseLetIanBeDead

Does he not have amazon on an ipad or computer? Is it just his phone?

Yeah if you can get into his phone it's likely his emails and Amazon is still logged in

[Manolinette]

They are testing the waters. It’s in that phase now.

[Onthedunes]

Seriously not good, going out with a single female for dinner, don't care if he knows her from work.

He may have been spotted at this meal by others from work or by people you know so he is creating his alibi of very a small works dinner between two colleages.

I wouldn't like it.
And neither would he I bet !

[Whycantibetangy]

Meh I just cant get upset about this. I wfh, met 4 colleagues in town with the intention of having some lunch but decided the ‘sitting outside under a patio heater’ type thing isnt really my thing so me and one of my colleagues left to do a bit more shopping and look at the lights, the other 2 went for grub.

He had brought with him some fancy harrods jam, not a Christmas pressie just a gift as he knows I like it and he had just been for a weekend.

Shock horror but men and women can be just friends, nothing more sinister than that.

[pizzaandcats]

@lunalulu he was the only one who had a distance to drive. The others are all local to where the meal was. It still makes no sense to meet up and then not go to the planned meal but its not as bad as them driving a long way and then changing their minds and driving back home again.
I don't want to do anything too extreme and blatantly open the present and dump it in the bin because there is still a chance that there's no affair going on. She has a boyfriend too (thanks facebook) so they could just be good friends. My DH is not naturally a big sharer whereas I am so this would never happen the other way round. I would probably be messaging him from the meal saying "you'll never guess what, so and so have dropped out of the meal!! What a waste of time"

[alvinp]

I have lunch with colleagues regularly. In groups, or just one to one, male or female. I get on well with women so I have plenty of female friends. Im perfectly comfortable socialising with them, I love a good chat. And I am a bit absent minded so I would easily mix up a low value work gift with an actual Secret Santa. Especially in small groups the sheer impracticality of the:secret part would mean you'd hardly bother anyway. I don't think you have enough here to justify accusing a loved one of being up to no good. And being falsely accused can be quite damaging.

[pizzaandcats]

@whycantibetangy most of what you said makes me feel a lot better but it wasn't a case of him taking a pressie for her because he saw something she'd like. They discussed presents and agreed to buy for each other and then he went and found something for her. Also in your scenario did anyone go home and pretend the present was a randomly assigned secret santa gift?

[BigBaublesGalore]

A little nick of the taps with a sharp knife, have a peek and then reseal/lightly glue ;)