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DH had lunch with another woman
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pizzaandcats · 11/12/2020 20:19

Today my DH had a day off work while I was at home working (he gets a day off in the week if he is scheduled to work a weekend). He told me a few days ago that he would going out for a meal with some old work friends today. He also mentioned a little while ago that they were planning a team secret santa but then hasn't mentioned this since to say who he chose or that he was buying the gift (stay with me this will all be relevant in the end).

When he got back from the meal today he had a wrapped up present from his secret santa and told me it was from "A" (a woman he works with). I asked who he'd picked and he'd also coincidentally chosen "A".

When I asked who was at the meal he said it just ended up being him and "A" but that he did see some other people from the team before hand (I don't understand how he saw them before hand at a restaurant but they didn't stay for the meal. I didn't ask though as I felt like I'd quizzed him enough at this point).

Basically I am feeling uncomfortable about the fact that he went out for a meal just him and another woman and exchanged christmas presents. I just feel like he's been pretty vague about how it ended up being just the two of them and its quite a coincidence that they both chose each other in a secret santa too. Is my mind running away with me too much or is the situation very weird?

I also had to ask today what he bought for her as his present and usually he would just tell me or ask my advice on what he should buy.

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AnyFucker · 11/12/2020 21:51

The team are WFH but these two organised a F2F lunch meeting ?

Aye, and I am Beyonce Knowles.

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pinkdragons · 11/12/2020 21:54

Well I'd be suspicious.
None of it sounds quite right.

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xoxogossipgirl2020 · 11/12/2020 21:58

I’m not buying it either. I’d be feeling like you op. I’d want to see proof or purchase for this diary as well. Nonsense

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Omeara · 11/12/2020 22:01

It wouldn't sit quite right with me either.

I wouldn't have an issue with the lunch normally, but put together with them getting each other in secret santa and it just being the two of them there for lunch, it starts to look a bit more than coincidence.

Considering in most of the UK you can't go for a drink, what did these other people that he saw beforehand do? Go to the restaurant to say they weren't staying for something to eat? If I was WFH I wouldn't turn up somewhere to say I'm not going!

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NeedToKnow101 · 11/12/2020 22:13

Yes how and why did he see his other colleagues beforehand if they weren't coming for the meal?

Has he opened the present yet OP? Usually secret Santa presents are opened straightaway, so that's odd too.. hmm

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LubaLuca · 11/12/2020 22:14

The point of secret santa is to avoid this sort of weirdness. You don't personally exchange gifts, you don't discuss who your recipient is with anyone else taking part, and the present is sent anonymously. I guess neither of them understood Confused

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Cavaleer · 11/12/2020 22:16

Sounds suspicious to me

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Iggly · 11/12/2020 22:19

I don’t believe for a second there was a secret Santa where they ended up with each other.

Sorry.

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ELM8 · 11/12/2020 22:19

Shouldn't be weird on the face of it but the way he has gone about it is very strange. Why hasn't he opened the present? Who keeps a secret Santa present, or any present from work to open later? We open ours at the lunch usually. I might be missing the point here.

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hotsouple · 11/12/2020 22:23

I agree this is suspicious. I wouldn't ask him anymore questions, I would snoop.

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Mumisnotmyonlyname · 11/12/2020 22:24

He took an actual day off to have a lone meal with another woman. He didn't tell you about it beforehand. He also hid other details. You know that's suspicious. That is no way to keep trust in a marriage. He's up to no good.

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Bogardicia · 11/12/2020 22:27

It’s suspicious. Definitely open the gift and re-wrap it.

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yearinyearout · 11/12/2020 22:32

I just think its an amazing coincidence that they randomly ended up with each other and also ended up being the only ones at a team meal

Isn't it just

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IEat · 11/12/2020 22:33

The santa thing... I admit I cheat so I get a certain person, it is sneaky and underhand and goes against the fun aspect but I could care less

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PegasusReturns · 11/12/2020 22:34

No way was there a secret Santa where they both picked each other.

Nor was there a “work lunch” where no one else turned up.

You need to see what she bought him. That’ll tell you what you need to know.

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Badoukas · 11/12/2020 22:42

I think the secret santa thing is just a cover and he's overplaying that element by bringing home said mystery gift. A meeting between him and her mat have taken place but it might not have been lunch they were having.

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thecakebadge · 11/12/2020 22:46

He is talking horse shit. Too much of a coincidence. Also obviously lying about other people not turning up etc.

It’s suspicious but doesn’t necessarily mean he is having an affair. But it might mean he would like to. Sorry op.

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ScalpHelp · 11/12/2020 22:58

This wouldn’t really concern me. I mean, it has the potential to switch from friendship into dating but that hasn’t actually happened yet, and he hasn’t given you a reason to not trust him that nothing more is going on.

Definitely explain to him how this makes you feel and gauge what his reaction is.

I (pre-COVID) would regularly get lunch with male colleagues and can genuinely say we just went as friends. It wouldn’t bother me if my partner has lunch with female colleagues either, he’s a paramedic so doesn’t have much choice!

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zaphodbeeble · 11/12/2020 23:00

Dodgy as hell

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Fudgsicles · 11/12/2020 23:02

Yeah this is weird. They've bought each other xmas presents. This is not SS.

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MRC20 · 11/12/2020 23:11

Erm I don't understand anyone on here who doesn't seem to think this is something to worry about. He met another woman for lunch, having lied about it beforehand (of course it was set up just for the two of them if it ended up being the two of them with no crystal clear reason). They exchanged Christmas presents (there was no secret Santa coincidence FFS) and he's being vague about how it all came about.

Sorry OP but you stopped asking him questions as you thought you'd quizzed him enough, even though you didn't get any satisfactory answers?

OP, have a glass of wine, read your own post as though it's your best friend telling you this then find your husband and find out wtf is going on! Don't let him fob you off, this is dodgy as.

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purplerainox · 11/12/2020 23:11

My thought Is that he's having an affair and someone you both know has seen him and this woman having a meal together with just the two of them and he's worried they'll tell you so he's just carried on with saying it was a work Christmas meal meet up but only them two showed up to appear like it's an innocent thing if it gets brought up that he was out with another woman..

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pizzaandcats · 11/12/2020 23:20

Just wanted to clarify that he didn't book a day off to go to this lunch, it was his natural day off as he is working this weekend. Also this was a meal planned between friends within the team, not an official work christmas lunch.

Decided to tell DH I'm feeling unconfortable about it all and it got even weirder...
Turns out he has no idea why he told me it was a secret santa present as it wasn't. The two of them are friends so they decided to get a present for each other. There is a secret santa due to happen in the team but this was not it.
We live 30 mins away from DH office and the majority of the team live closer. The meal was apparently supposed to be between 4 of them, he drove and met them near the office, they had a chat and a wander through the Xmas decorations in the city centre and then the other 2 decided not to eat. I'm realising that yes this does break covid rules and that's a whole other thread and not what I want to focus on here.
So basically DH set off with the intention of eating with 3 people and ended up eating with 1 BUT had only pre agreed to buy presents with the person that he ate with.
I don't know what to think. One side of my brain can see that the way he has explained all of this to me today is just him (he generally does not get hung up on details in anything he does whereas I usually give a play by play of my day) but the other side of me can't get past the fact that he pointlessly made up that his present was a secret santa one AND that the way a 4 person lunch ended up as 2 makes zero sense at all.

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alphajuliet123 · 11/12/2020 23:22

Obviously, OP, you need to stealth open his gift from her. And tell us what it is. Might make a difference.

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Onthedunes · 11/12/2020 23:23

Maybe he is deliberately trying to make you jealous, some silly men do this to get attention.

If he wanted to keep it totally secret he would have just not told you.
There is a motive for him giving you half a story.

But what is it Confused

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