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DH had lunch with another woman
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pizzaandcats · 11/12/2020 20:19

Today my DH had a day off work while I was at home working (he gets a day off in the week if he is scheduled to work a weekend). He told me a few days ago that he would going out for a meal with some old work friends today. He also mentioned a little while ago that they were planning a team secret santa but then hasn't mentioned this since to say who he chose or that he was buying the gift (stay with me this will all be relevant in the end).

When he got back from the meal today he had a wrapped up present from his secret santa and told me it was from "A" (a woman he works with). I asked who he'd picked and he'd also coincidentally chosen "A".

When I asked who was at the meal he said it just ended up being him and "A" but that he did see some other people from the team before hand (I don't understand how he saw them before hand at a restaurant but they didn't stay for the meal. I didn't ask though as I felt like I'd quizzed him enough at this point).

Basically I am feeling uncomfortable about the fact that he went out for a meal just him and another woman and exchanged christmas presents. I just feel like he's been pretty vague about how it ended up being just the two of them and its quite a coincidence that they both chose each other in a secret santa too. Is my mind running away with me too much or is the situation very weird?

I also had to ask today what he bought for her as his present and usually he would just tell me or ask my advice on what he should buy.

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LubaLuca · 11/12/2020 23:25

Had all four of them eaten together as planned, how awkward would that present exchange have been?!

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purplerainox · 11/12/2020 23:27

But has he ever mentioned this woman before? Because if they're pally enough to eat lunch together, exchange gifts etc as friends then surely he's talked about her before ??

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bluebell34567 · 11/12/2020 23:29

is he doing this to make you feel uncomfortable?

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LookMoreCloselier · 11/12/2020 23:29

This present thing is dodgy. Even if they are just friends, arranging to buy just for each other is getting too close.

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Newbie1999 · 11/12/2020 23:30

If he was up to no good, I’m not sure he’d tell you any of it? Why would he? It could be that he’s acting weird about it because he thinks something might happen in future between them.

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pizzaandcats · 11/12/2020 23:30

That's the other thing that's confusing me! I work upstairs and when he came home I looked over the top of the stairs and he had the present in his hand. He didn't hide it but didn't bring it to show me or anything either (so I'm ruling out him WANTING me to see the present on purpose for whatever reason). I had to ask but he openly told me who he ate with and (although he said it was secret santa) he told me who the present was from and that he'd got a present for her too.

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MsDogLady · 11/12/2020 23:31

Your H is being deceptive. His agenda was to meet up 1:1 with this woman. They had a lunch date or met elsewhere. They exchanged personal gifts, not Secret Santas. You need to get to the bottom of this, OP. He is abusing your trust.

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musicalfrog · 11/12/2020 23:32

Maybe he felt uncomfortable about how it panned out and that's why he's struggling to communicate with you about it?

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Newbie1999 · 11/12/2020 23:35

@musicalfrog I thought this until he admitted the gifts for eachother weren’t part of Secret Santa.

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musicalfrog · 11/12/2020 23:37

OP says the two of them are friends though, and he didn't hide the gift. Is he saving it to open Christmas Day? As long as he opens it in front of you OP I don't think you need to worry.

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pizzaandcats · 11/12/2020 23:38

He's asleep now and pretty sure the present is in the wardrobe with all of the presents hes wrapped ready for me/his family so I can't sneakily open it but he knows I feel weird about it all now so tomorrow I ask him to open it to put my mind at rest. Not excusing the way he's explained all of this to me but if I was to say what his worst feature is, it is that he's a nightmare to get details from. Even after a phone call with his mum I'll ask is she okay etc. and honestly its like getting blood from a stone sometimes! I'm wondering if its possible this is just one of those times that he's been difficult with the details but my gut is telling me there's more to it.

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SoloJazz · 11/12/2020 23:38

Weird he hadn't opened the present in front of his friend Confused

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ChorleyFMcominginyourears · 11/12/2020 23:39

I'm not really a suspicious person but something seems off to even me with his story!

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pizzaandcats · 11/12/2020 23:39

Although I'm not sure knowing what the present is will put my mind at rest. Even if it's a mundane present I'll still feel weird

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pizzaandcats · 11/12/2020 23:40

I wouldn't open presents from friends until Christmas day either. Unless it was secret santa of course

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NotaCoolMum · 11/12/2020 23:41

I would not be happy with this scenario at all @pizzaandcats. Why was his first reaction to lie to you and say it was a Secret Santa gift when it was actually something they obviously discussed. Did he buy any gifts for any other “friends” at the office? Did he buy her lunch too?

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pizzaandcats · 11/12/2020 23:42

I am a suspicious person but I usually find my suspicions are right! I really don't want to snoop Sad its a slippery slope and I've been there before in a previous relationship

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Seafog · 11/12/2020 23:44

Have you ever met this other co worker?

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reginafelangee · 11/12/2020 23:45

You either trust him or you don't.

Pre-pandemic I would frequently have lunch with male colleagues or friends and I wouldn't bat an eyelid at my husband dining with female friends or colleagues. I trust him and he trusts me.

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bluebell34567 · 11/12/2020 23:46

is he trying to make you suspicious?

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NotaCoolMum · 11/12/2020 23:46

Sending hugs op- this is shit for you I know. Maybe the best option if you don’t want to snoop is to quietly monitor the situation and if anything else pops up, then have a snoop? I’d definitely have him open the gift in front of you. If he’s uncomfortable or if it’s an expensive gift, then I’d snoop! X

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Omeara · 11/12/2020 23:47

So why did he lie about the secret Santa? I don’t believe that 4 adults met for lunch and that two of them dropped out after looking at some Christmas lights either. Who does that? To actually turn up to go out for lunch but then not go makes no sense.

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pizzaandcats · 11/12/2020 23:49

@omeara it makes no sense at all does it Sad

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Somethingkindaoooo · 11/12/2020 23:56

I'm wondering if he's mentioned her before as well?

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pizzaandcats · 11/12/2020 23:57

His explanation for saying it was secret santa was that in his head it was the same thing (in terms of not spending a lot on her present he said - we went round in circles about this as it just ISNT THE SAME THING!!!) . They agreed to buy presents but he just bought her a diary on amazon with no idea whether she'll use it or not so not much thought gone into the present. Stuck now with a useless explanation and either have to: 1. keep rehashing it and arguing, hoping to trip him up on the details and get the truth 2. accept that this is the truth 3. Trust my gut, say nothing and wait for something else to happen 4. Snoop and find the answers for myself (tricky as his phone is fingerprint or face recognition)

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