Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Who's the breadwinner?

163 replies

BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 09/12/2020 17:52

Looking purely at the financial aspect of a relationship, in terms of bringing money in every month, who's the main breadwinner, the higher earner in your relationship? And if it's the other party, is that because you are raising your children?

Flame me all you want. I'm wondering so I asked.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 09/12/2020 17:54

My dh earns about 10k more than me but then he's 5 years older. I'm ambitious and aiming to earn more than him in the next 5 years. No children

Original poster
BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 09/12/2020 17:56

Then, all things being generalised, you're doing well if the gap is 'only' 10K (I'm guessing GBP). Often the right attitude is one of the most valuable skills when aiming for career progression. Best of luck - hope you do really well :-)

OP posts:
Dazedandconfused10 · 09/12/2020 17:58

Not with him any more but I earn double what my ex earns. Have always been the bread winner in relationship I've been in.

RunningOnMusic · 09/12/2020 18:01

I am the main and only earner at the moment. For reasons like not getting clients and covid impact he hasn't worked for a while. But he is a hands on father. It's all peaks and troughs. He earnt more than me for a while.

Original poster
BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 09/12/2020 18:03

@Dazedandconfused10 Congratulations! Great to hear.

OP posts:
Original poster
BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 09/12/2020 18:04

@RunningOnMusic

I am the main and only earner at the moment. For reasons like not getting clients and covid impact he hasn't worked for a while. But he is a hands on father. It's all peaks and troughs. He earnt more than me for a while.
It's good when things 'switch' regularly I think. Neither party feels 'guilty' and both appreciate what the other does.
OP posts:
Bumble84 · 09/12/2020 18:05

My DH is but not by much, about £4K. Tbh I much prefer this, in previous relationships I have been and it caused issues (some of which were mine and I recognise that) it feels more like an equal partnership. I will never earn more than DH, good chance he might start earning more in years to come as he is ambitious. We have discussed this and are both fine with it.

madcatladyforever · 09/12/2020 18:06

I'm divorced x 2 plus one long relationship. Its always been me as the main breadwinner plus being left to raise my child and do everything else and I mean everything.
Started off well and descended into self serving cocklodgers.
I dont have relationships any more. I dont want to look after a giant baby.

Gwenhines · 09/12/2020 18:12

Well if the loaf has 12 slices then DH earns about 1.25 slices more than me out of it.
We both earn enough that we could survive off either wage so I guess both earn the important basics value bread and both also earn the extra luxury seeded fruity bloomer.

Original poster
BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 09/12/2020 18:24

I also found that when I earn more than my OH it can be an issue. For them because they feel society expects them to be the higher earner in the relationship, for me because they can't afford to do the stuff I like to do at times. So I end up paying for us both, which I don't mind, unless it becomes an expectation. Then I mind. Very much.

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 09/12/2020 18:29

My salary is more but if DH gets his bonus (not always gauranteed) then he either out earns me or is similar. When I first met DH he earns 17k more than me and I told him that I’d earn more than him one day.

Mamagotskills · 09/12/2020 18:30

Me, I earn approx twice as much

Mamagotskills · 09/12/2020 18:31

When we met we earned roughly the same

reginafelangee · 09/12/2020 18:32

We both are but I earn about £25K a year more than he does.

SimonJT · 09/12/2020 18:34

I earn more, I’m the only one of us who is a parent. The earning gap will be smaller soon as I have successfully gone for demotion and he has passed his probation which comes with a fairly generous pay rise.

Notstayingup · 09/12/2020 18:35

I have earned more than DP for the last 5 years or so but this year he’ll earn more than me as he has picked up a huge amount of extra work. I would say we are pretty even on childcare (swings and roundabouts) but i definitely do more housework/wife work - I am a control freak so not too bothered as that way we eat what I shop for and cook Grin

Chasingsquirrels · 09/12/2020 18:35

H1: got together as students, I earned more from about a year post graduation as I started progressing through professional exams. And he'd taken a job. Continued to earn more until he entered the same profession, qualified and went into a more pressured area. I then went part time when I had kids while his earnings increased.

Late-DH: again same profession, I was still part time and he was older and higher up. He earned significantly more (5 times) than me.

Bloke I'm seeing: I'm still part time and earn a little bit more than he does full time, plus I have other income. We don't live together and don't contribute to each other's households.

PhilCornwall1 · 09/12/2020 18:39

Even though I'm on £30k a year more, as far as I'm concerned, completely equal here. And as we are both now WFH, have one hell of a lot more understanding of what each other does and appreciation of how hard we both work.

Thirdlifecrisis · 09/12/2020 18:39

I earn more, have done for a couple of years, but only by a few £K. I like the financial freedom and knowing I can take the stress off him having to stay in his job to pay the bills if he's miserable.

Original poster
BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 09/12/2020 18:40

Brilliant to see how many women are reversing the traditional and outdated roles when it comes to earning potential.

OP posts:
Original poster
BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 09/12/2020 18:44

With my EXH, at times I gave him money for stuff for himself or his kids (car purchase, car insurance, that kind of thing) if his cash flow wasn't great at any time (most of his money was tied up in investments). I didn't mind - I liked being able to help him because I loved him. But he didn't want the kids to know that he was being helped by me. That always grated on me because it was a case of him feeling less like a man because 'his wife was helping him out financially.' Even though his EXW gave up work when they had kids and he always paid for everything. He just wasn't comfortable with me making more than he did.

OP posts:
Nitw1t · 09/12/2020 18:49

I earn 2 X what my husband earns.

When the DCs were babies it was 10x (he pt freelanced/I went back to work as a high earner.

All money is family money.

Next year, I'm going to take a career change and he will earn more than me for a while.

We are more equal in all things (especially domestic and mental load) than many other couples I know and we live to our "joined" means.

Figgyboa · 09/12/2020 18:50

I've earned more than my OH for the last 3 years. I've taken a hit now with Covid and he's just got his dream job so he'll be out-earning me now.

Twinkie01 · 09/12/2020 18:52

DH earns about 30 times what I do, I work part time and gave up my career to look after the children.

Strokethefurrywall · 09/12/2020 18:58

DH and I earn approximately the same, I'm slightly higher probably by about $1000 but it all goes in the same pot.

We have similar views on money and if we do want to spend big on an item we'll mention it to each other or we treat each other to extravagance on special occasions.

No definitive breadwinners here.

Swipe left for the next trending thread