Who's the breadwinner?

[BarryWhiteIsMyBrother]

Looking purely at the financial aspect of a relationship, in terms of bringing money in every month, who's the main breadwinner, the higher earner in your relationship? And if it's the other party, is that because you are raising your children?

Flame me all you want. I'm wondering so I asked.

I earn 100k more than my STBXH. My job was a big factor of us separating. I was doing everything incl childcare arrangements, managing if they are sick, lots of hospital appointments as DC is SEN, food, bills etc. He pretty much went to work and came home again and would scream at me if I wanted to have 3 hours to have my hair done.

It did used to be one pot of money though - everything was shared

My oh, he earns 6 times what I earn but I'm part time, he would earn about double if we both did the same hours. We have children and he works away so when he's gone I do everything but when he's home he definitely does more at home and with the children than I do so it evens out quite well.

Pre children he earned double what I did and that was because he did a vocational degree and went straight into the relevant job on graduation whereas I didn't do anything vocational and didn't know what I wanted to do or could do on graduation. Still trying to figure that out.

It would be nice if I could find something I wanted to work hard at then he could be the part timer for a while, he would love that.

It has fluctuated throughout our lives, I do now, about double what he does but he’s a high earner in his own right, however I shall likely retire early and he will continue on, so he will earn more than me then.

I earn less by £1k but I get a payrise next week that will take me £1k over.... we do the same job and I’m 7 years behind him in experience. He’s at the maximum he can earn though in his current role whereas mine can still increase.

Oh and kids had no impact, we both continued to work,

At the moment it's me. There's been times it was him and times we both brought about the same.

Me by just under £10k.

Both full time but DH a slightly less demanding job.

Probably 50-50 in terms of care of dc but he does more housework due wfh and me having A 60 min commute.

I have always earned 2-3x more than DH.

We split house and child care about evenly.

I do most of the thinking/planning.

But DH's job is more stable and reliable than mine (I'm a consultant, so the pay is commensurate with the lack of security).

I am the breadwinner and my salary is more than double DH's and triple based on the last couple of years bonuses. He tends to take the lead round the house as I work longer hours and we are equal in terms of parenting. Thankfully never had any toxic masculinity issues and he's really proud of my career.

I am. OH & I are in the same profession & he was in a promoted post 1 step above me when we got together. He was promoted again to be 2 steps above but a month or so later I was promoted so again only 1 step between us. He's since stepped down & moved for the sake of his mental health so is back in the original type role & I've been promoted so now 2 steps above him.
Long & short of it - I earn a fair bit more.

When we met I earned about three times more than DH and I also was almost mortgage free. Within about a year he had closed the gap and I was now earning about double. This was the case for about the next ten years. It has never been an issue as our money is joint money so yes in practice I was paying for more but we have never viewed it like that.

I have recently decided to take a step back from career, I am currently taking time out. I will look to return to some kind of work at some point, but DH will be the main breadwinner going forward. He has continued to progress in his career and our earning potential in our respective careers (if I were inclined to go back to my profession) would be about equal now.

Me (always been), but we put everything in one pot for the last 14years (together 15y). Our money, for our house, our kid, our life!

I work full time and my husband is mainly a stay at home dad. He does some private work but his main job is looking after the children.

So technically I earn more but he certainly contributes more to the family day to day.

I'm the higher earner in salary by £30k. Depending on bonuses though it could be either of us in a given year, eg this year I'll far out earn him. Long term though he is better bet for financial security. He has a far better pension pot and owns his company (with others), so my salary and bonus is great for the here and now but could disappear at any minute.

This set up is very new for us though and he's been the higher earner for our entire relationship until recently. I think we've come so far now, with me clearly benefiting from his salary for years, and with 3 dcs, that there's no sense of who earns more. It's just our money. On saying that, I've always been the one with mental load and that continues, higher salary or not.

He earns significantly more but I don’t see him as the breadwinner as I still have a well paid job. If he lost his job tomorrow we could still live a nice enough lifestyle on mine. We might have to live in my smaller flat rather than his house for example but we would still have plenty of bread!

For years it was me, while my husband grew his business and stayed home with our son. The last two months he's brought home more.

We both work full time now.

Twice as much

Very different industries - we are probably the same "level" but my industry is more about money his is a lot more ethical / giving back.

Never a problem,
he has always been proud of me
I still look after the children more
We pay proportional to our income but use my bonuses for big ticket items for the family

We both look after the children but I do all the organising / allocation of jobs

I earn double what my DH does, and if I worked full time would earn more than 4x his salary.

I earn double what my DH earns. I’m due to go on mat leave in the next couple of months and we’re planning on DH being a stay at home dad when I go back to work full time. My job has good pay progression, good sick pay, pension etc and is safe as houses so it would never make sense for me to give up work. It’s really hard work and the hours can be very long, especially at the moment but I really enjoy my job. DH is self employed and loves what he does but he works from home so it makes sense for him to take on the childcare responsibilities during the week. He will still be able to do some work on the side and he will also be an incredible stay at home dad. 🥰

My DH earns around 15k more than me.
I’m hoping I will continue to gain promotions and increase my salary, I have always worked full time with no plans to go part time. DH isn’t interested in promotion so the gap may continue to close.

Thanks @BarryWhiteIsMyBrother

I earn about €15k more, more still with bonuses factored in. But we couldn't do without either of our salaries so we are both breadwinners. DH asks when I will earn enough for him to be 'kept man' but he's joking . Both wfh at the minute and childcare duties are pretty equal.

I'm the breadwinner, DH is a SAHD, 3 young teen DDs. When we both worked I earned about double compared to him, hence the reason he became the SAHP.

Isn't the term referring to a single income household? My OH and I are both strong earners with one of us earning about 10k more. Neither is THE bread earner.

Me. For at least the last 12 years. Although the differential isn’t that large at the moment. DH earn 75% of my salary (both FT - different sectors). Our DC are 14 and 16 - I never dropped to PT, and it’s paid off.