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Original poster

Who's the breadwinner?

163 replies

BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 09/12/2020 17:52

Looking purely at the financial aspect of a relationship, in terms of bringing money in every month, who's the main breadwinner, the higher earner in your relationship? And if it's the other party, is that because you are raising your children?

Flame me all you want. I'm wondering so I asked.

OP posts:
Nissandriver · 09/12/2020 20:33

I earn more than my DH. He works full time and I’m part time. I have always earned more. Very different industries.
Childcare is an even split between us.

Aozora13 · 09/12/2020 20:33

Up until 18 months ago we earned about the same. Then we decided DH would take time out to do a renovation project so I’m currently the breadwinner. However we’re planning another DC and once the reno project is done I’m hoping to go back to uni so we’ll swap around for a bit. After that who knows? I was so career-minded but currently tired of the rat race (midlife crisis!)

YakkityYakYakYak · 09/12/2020 20:38

I am the breadwinner and always have been. I earn £20k more than my DH. It’s never been an issue in our relationship.

His job is more prestigious than mine though so I’ve no doubt most people assume he earns more. We went to a party a while back (when such a thing was possible) and we got chatting to someone who asked us both what we do, and then said to me ‘you’ve done alright for yourself haven’t you’, implying I’ve done well to bag DH with his impressive career Hmm

MrsMime · 09/12/2020 20:38

We earn the same but I am p/t (0.76) so I would earn more if we were both f/t.

Eminybob · 09/12/2020 20:39

We earn about the same, but he is full time and I am 0.6, so if I were full time I’d earn more than him.
TBF, as I’m the higher earner, it would have made more sense for dh to work part time when we had dc, and me to remain full time, but that wouldn’t work for our family.

mindutopia · 09/12/2020 20:41

I think Dh at this point probably makes more than me, but he’s a company director so technically I think his actual ‘salary’ is lower. But having a business he has more flexibility to work more and make more or work more productively to earn more profit. I’m employed so my salary, though very good, doesn’t go up because I worked extra hard this month. I’d say we earn similar ish (give or take about £10k). Having children has had no effect on my income. I earn well, have a very good professional career, dh and I generally share the load. I normal times, he actually does more of the housework and school runs than me.

I do currently work 0.8 FTE though but it’s more because I like having a day off per week, not because we need either of us home for childcare (I have my youngest home but we could put him in nursery if we wanted). But I used to work compressed hours FT over 4 days pre-COVID. That isn’t possible working from home every day, so I work a little less. Dh could equally take a day off if he wanted but he doesn’t.

Diddlysquatty · 09/12/2020 20:47

DH earns 7.5 x what I do.
If I was full time it would still be about 3.5 x what I earn.
Public sector vs banking.
Sometimes it bugs me but in general I feel he’s got respect for what I do

I’m happy to be able to work part time to be able to do school pick up etc. He would have been supportive if I worked full time and paid for more childcare but I’m happy being part time (stressful role) and it has only minimally affected my progression

PrincessNutNutRoast · 09/12/2020 20:57

He earns almost twice what I do. I'm part time since I had our daughter but I was the lower earner before. I earn well for my industry, but his is more lucrative.

nancybotwinbloom · 09/12/2020 21:00

My DH earns three times what I do.

But I'd do alright on my own. I did before and when I was married to my DD father I had to as he wouldn't share finances.

AM130674 · 09/12/2020 21:05

I am sole breadwinner as DH gave up work to be our daughter's carer. When both worked, I earned £20k more than DH. Money is tight but we manage.

frolicmum · 09/12/2020 21:08

I earn 30k more than my husband, we have one account where all the money goes in, both of us work full time and I always consider everything ours. I would never say anything and never felt it to be necessary. I'm blessed with the most wonderful husband who is kind, nice, gentle, hard working, amazing with our son, just the best person I know - I have won the jackpot in life with him. I'm on 70k, he's on 40k x

jasmin93 · 09/12/2020 21:11

I always earned far less. He has no education but runs his own business successfully. I studied banking and it got me nowhere. Currently a SAHM and we love it.

merlotormalbec · 09/12/2020 21:12

DH earns significantly more than me. He's a dentist and I'm a dental nurse

AriesTheRam · 09/12/2020 21:13

Dh is.He earns around 40k a year full time.I work part time in a school for less than 3k a year by choice.

merlotormalbec · 09/12/2020 21:14

But when he was doing his masters after his degree I was the only one earning and I was earning well for a dental nurse (30K) so I paid for more then. We've moved since then and I've got a new job and My wage doesn't even cover the mortgage but he's earning now

Gizmo79 · 09/12/2020 21:16

I do but only by around 10k.
My earning potential is much higher but with young DC I currently don’t really want to do any extra!
DH is kinda stuck where he is, deserves more for what he does but sadly not going to happen.

plumpootle · 09/12/2020 21:18

Me. I earn 4x as much as DH. But he loves his career and I love mine. We both work hard and split the childcare.

AnneElliott · 09/12/2020 21:19

I do. I earn £20k more and we both work full time. I'm likely to earn more as my career progresses. All money shared though.

FatGirlShrinking · 09/12/2020 21:22

I earn 2.5x what my husband does and that's only likely to increase, DH is happy with his role and level of responsibility, I want to keep growing my career. It works for us and means that if there are times when someone needs to take time off for DD unpaid or at short notice, he is the one that does it.

happytoday73 · 09/12/2020 21:25

Me... How much more has varied over time...with both his job and mine varying.

It doesn't overly bother him.. But did the year I took 9 months maternity leave in a tax year and still earned more... Just...

Pyewhacket · 09/12/2020 21:28

My husband earns three times my salary but that’s mainly because I work for the NHS. Not that I’m complaining. You don’t work for the NHS for the money.

Whatnext2018 · 09/12/2020 21:29

We always earned a similar amount if I earned slightly higher at times.
He’s the sole earner currently whilst I’m at home with Dd. When I return I’ll be on a little less than him most likely

Whatnext2018 · 09/12/2020 21:29

*Or I earned slightly higher

BurtsBeesKnees · 09/12/2020 21:33

Ne, I earn about 20% more than my DH

MajesticWhine · 09/12/2020 21:33

DH earns roughly 7 times what I do. I actually have a pretty good job, I could support myself if I needed to. I have always been the one doing more childcare. I had a high earning career which stalled a bit when our kids were younger. And I didn't love it, so I took time out and then retrained in something completely different and not especially lucrative.