DH extreme stress - acting like he’s drunk.

[Levithecat]

I’m hoping someone can bring some perspective or insight.

DH was an alcoholic - secret drinker - I found out just over a year ago and it was awful. We nearly broke up. His excessive drinking started when our first child was born 7 years ago. He stopped when I found out and insists he hasn’t drunk since.

However, he occasionally (varies from twice a week to twice a month) has ‘episodes’ where he is stumbling, incoherent, not there. Can’t be trusted with the kids, argues with me. Basically drunk behaviour. He suffers from anxiety and stress (was off work for six months this year) and his GP and counsellor have decided that it’s some kind of dissociative state.

I am really struggling - part of me feels, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a fucking duck. However, we have had countless discussions, including me accusing him outright, and he insists it’s not alcohol (or anything else). He has been working hard on his mental health and is getting an assessment for dyslexia as I think this is a major factor in his anxiety, but clearly something else needs to happen. It’s got to the point that I’m considering leaving.

I’d love to know if anyone else has experienced anything like this? And if so, was it / how was it resolved?

Ugh who could be arsed though?! Alcoholics are so incredibly deceptive and can NEVER be trusted. He lied to you for years! Potentially put your DCs lives at risk too I'm assuming? (Looking after them solo while under the influence/driving etc? You'll never be able to fully trust him again. Add to that this guys plethora of extra "issues" and you've got a life of misery ahead of you OP.

Break free and have a happy life with your DC. This won't end well.

If you were stumbling around slurring your words, being incoherent, he'd call an ambulance.
You do the same next time.
How are you to know its not some other underlying condition.
The paramedics will do a blood test. If he doesn't know who he is or where he is then he needs to go to hospital.

Spice?

He stopped as soon as you found out ??? he did not , he’s an alcoholic and as with any other addiction you cannot just stop . I would try the breathalyser, he’s drunk , sorry.

Of course he'll be insistent He's an alcoholic take it form someone that knows from personal experience.... Mine . Ask him for a breathalyser test if he's got nothing to hide he'll accept I did when I was having episodes from my anti depressants mixing with pain killers

@Manolinette I’ve seen the affects of spice, it takes affect so quickly too, I was shocked and yes very disoriented.

Erm I wasn’t disorientated the people taking spice were

Today 21:44 KittenCalledBob

Does it happen sometimes when you know for sure he hasn't had the opportunity to drink, eg he's been with you? Or is it always at a time when he could have been drinking?

This is a really important question.

I work in mental health and sorry have never come across this ever. I would be tempted to think he's drinking sorry xx

I've known recovering alcoholics get "drunk" on water.
They basically drink a few litres in a short space of time, lowering their sodium levels and giving the feeling of being drunk.
It is really dangerous.
Were you with him when the GP diagnosed the dissociative state? Or did he just report this to you?

Depending on how long it has been going on for, could any of the medication might account for it.

This is going to sound mad but I got drunk on non alcoholic wine that someone gave me in the depths of my alcoholism . Weird things happen when you're an addict

I'm a recovering alcoholic with 26 years of sobriety. He could be drinking or it could be a side effect of his meds. If his GP doesn't think he's drinking I'd put some weight on that as they are usually pretty good at spotting the effects and his blood work would show his liver enzymes out of normal range.

I'd try the breathalyzer just to bring some certainty to the question.

Alcoholics can be trusted my family trust me without reservation I haven't touched alcohol for many years. I have been around hundreds of alcoholics in my time and must admit have never heard of anyone suffering episodes like you described.

I would call an ambulance next time. Let them breathalise him. Safer for you. As an alcoholic I think that would be the best way to find out.

Thanks for writing that rosie1959 I've been reading some of these replies thinking I should just just shoot myself now and be done with it! Congratulations on your ongoing recovery

I think the extent to which this could be ‘dyslexia’ seems a bit unlikely.

If he is dyslexic then that’s a stress he will have been managing and coping with since childhood. He will most likely have built lots of work arounds for dealing with life. While I am sure they might be stressful, they are not likely to bring on a cute episodes like the ones you describe.

I just can’t begin to imagine he’s a pathological liar.

Your husband is an addict. Addicts are pathological liars. They lie to everyone and themselves about anything and everything in order to keep feeding their addiction. He is either drinking or doing drugs.

Well done, @rosie1959 and good luck @Hangingover.
Recovery is possible

the symptoms of both strokes and diabetes mimic intoxication.
As does early onset dementia.
As do numerous prescription drugs
As do numerous illegal drugs.

As to major "life triggers. One of my best friends was told to go for a brain scan, liver test, neurological test and blood test.
In the run up to all of those she regularly had very noticable mood swings, incoherence and major stress and anxiety.
She was breathalysed and urine tests were taking for drugs.

Every single one of the above medical tests came back clear.

I am not saying he is not drinking again but I do disgree with some of the past posters - it is not AUTOMATIC that he is drinking again. Maybe he is. Maybe it is a combination of one of t he above plus drinking.

But a lot of the above posters are assuming the signs they witnessed in their own lives are the only explanation and that is just not automatically the only explanation.

I'm sorry to ask OP (and FWIW I think it's entirely possible that he's telling the truth) but were you present when the GP and counsellor said those things about it most likely being a dissociative state?

Sorry ignore that - I somehow missed that this thread was five pages long and only read the first two

Did you hear about this 'dissociative state' directly from his GP and/or counselor? If not first thing I'd do is suggest to him a 'joint meeting' with both of them so they can 'educate you' about what's going on. If he refuses, you have your answer.

Addicts often trade one substance for another. It may or may not be that he's drinking (defo get a breathalyzer). But he could be abusing his prescription meds, taking opioids, smoking weed, or misusing any number of other substances, illegal or legal.

As far as getting a breathalyzer, my brother is an alcoholic (in recovery, 5 years sober). We bought a breathalyzer before he got sober and told him that if he wanted to be in our home or around us he'd use it when asked. After he got sober we informed him that broken trust is hard to repair and that if we suspected he has been drinking when he comes to our house, he'll either use it or leave. He was completely understanding. Luckily, we've never had to use it. He went through hell for his sobriety and it means a lot to him.

My ex did the same. He was drunk.

He'd say he'd just taken pain meds, stressed, depressed, etc etc.
He was secret drinking
After 2 trips to rehab hes been sober for 6 months.

GP and counsellor, if he was not an alcoholic they would be referring him to a consultant, MRI etc. I am shocked that he is not being treated like anyone else. I would call an ambulance too. I had this happen to me once was terrifying thought I had a stroke, it was an inner ear infection so dizzy incoherent, I was referred to a consultant and had an MRI. Which is when it was diagnosed.