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Original poster

I’m going to cancel Christmas in my house

350 replies

Unsurekitten84 · 05/12/2020 16:58

I think the UK should have made that decision tbh. No mixing of households. Keep the tier system. Just leave it this year.
I’m quite looking forward to not having to put the tree up or wrap the stupid stocking presents. In fact it is possibly one of the few covid upsides. The downside is my MiL will still demand to see us and is looking forward to everything going ‘back to normal’ for five days, during which she will see everyone she’s ever met 🙄. I’ve said I don’t want to go but dh has overruled me as apparently she has to see her grandchildren on Christmas Day.
We won’t be seeing my family though.

OP posts:
katy1213 · 05/12/2020 17:40

So you promised to obey your husband? Why does he get to lay down the law? You can't stop him going - but if you don't want to, enjoy a few hours of peace at home. And let him deal with getting the kids ready.
But it's very mean to ban stockings and a tree for your children - what's that got to do with COVID?

chipolte · 05/12/2020 17:40

Lots of us can’t see family this Christmas, or have to choose to only see some relatives.

So MIL gets her way this year. Why are you punishing your poor DC for this? You are coming across as a very bitter, unhappy person.

butterpuffed · 05/12/2020 17:40

I imagine your children are more upset about not having Christmas than you are about DH seeing his mother.

Posturesorposes · 05/12/2020 17:41

I don’t understand the OP.

Here it’s me + my spouse + 5 year old son + 10 month old daughter + small furry lovable dog.

There is a tree. There are lights. There’s music. There will be festive food and presents. Nobody is meeting any family at all. Just this household.

How does this spread the virus? Why can’t you do exactly this? What’s this to do with covid? What are you on about?

PurpleDaisies · 05/12/2020 17:41

So your dh is horrible.
Fair enough.

Go look at your children. Are you seriously going to ruin their Christmas because of him?

Benjispruce2 · 05/12/2020 17:43

I think you have DH issues. Why don’t you decide instead? Why is it his decision?

Butterymuffin · 05/12/2020 17:44

Not sure why everyone is being quite so keen on attacking OP when it's clear she's in a bad place.

Do the stuff that matters for your kids, i.e. presents and a bit of decoration. Don't bother for anyone else. Don't cook a big dinner - the kids won't care. Tell your husband he can take them to MIL's if he wants but you'll stay home. If you're worried he won't accept even that then you need to talk more seriously to Women's Aid or similar.

myhobbyisouting · 05/12/2020 17:44

So he's an angry drunk who you won't say no to.

Instead you sulk, refuse to bother with giving your kids any kind of Christmas and more importantly, you stay with him. Why? Those poor kids

RedToothBrush · 05/12/2020 17:44

@Unsurekitten84

Dh will make us go to MiL’s - she always takes priority, luckily my family know their place.
Grow a backbone then!

Why do you accept this?

VettiyaIruken · 05/12/2020 17:45

The problem isn't Christmas, is it?
Your husband intimidates, bullies and controls you and you are afraid of him.

Christmas decorations are a red herring.

You don't have to live like this or make your children live it either. Flowers

ohidoliketobe · 05/12/2020 17:45

The only part I vaguely used to like was seeing my family and friends - and that’s not going to happen this year. Christmas always falls in its entirety to me and frankly I cannot be bothered
But it's not just about you though is it, it's also about your children. I sympathise with you r.e. The issue around Slseeing MIL/ not seeing your patents, but as pointed out by PPs that's a DH issue. Why should your kids suffer because you've had a disagreement over how to do it this year? Let them decorate the tree if you cba

picklemewalnuts · 05/12/2020 17:47

I don't think shouting at Op is going to help her. She's exhausted and bullied, and upset because she wanted to see her family and won't be able to because everyone else is being irresponsible.

BlueCheckedTeatowel · 05/12/2020 17:47

dh has overruled me as apparently she has to see her grandchildren on Christmas Day

wouldnt it be a shame if you started coughing 2 days before christmas and had to isolate "Just incase".

angelaEhen · 05/12/2020 17:48

Have an early Christmas dinner before Christmas day with your parents?

Are you scared of your husband?
You sound it

PurpleDaisies · 05/12/2020 17:49

She's exhausted and bullied, and upset because she wanted to see her family and won't be able to because everyone else is being irresponsible.

She hasn’t engaged with anyone who has suggested her parents come before the dh and kids go to see the MIL.

Bluntness100 · 05/12/2020 17:49

@picklemewalnuts

I don't think shouting at Op is going to help her. She's exhausted and bullied, and upset because she wanted to see her family and won't be able to because everyone else is being irresponsible.
Yes but the answer to this is not to decide you’ll ruin your children’s Xmas.
DianaT1969 · 05/12/2020 17:49

Listen up, Grinch. There are more days to Christmas than 1. So get in your bloody car with your children and drive to your parents the day before Christmas. Have a lovely lunch with them. Drive back that evening. That's BEFORE you visit your virus-ridden MIL. So you aren't spreading her pox to your parents. Of course, if you can't do that because your parents are shielding, then this has f**k all to do with your MIL. You wouldn't be seeing them anyway.
If they are willing to meet you outside for a walk do that. Maybe your DC will get be lucky enough to glimpse a Christmas tree or gifts in a shop window display on the way.
Then on Christmas Day, your drunk husband will put his gun to your head and order to drive your family to your plague-infested MIL.
Spread that holiday joy OP! Don't deprive the world of your festive spirit.

Original poster
Unsurekitten84 · 05/12/2020 17:50

I’ve not debated it with dh. I’ve just been told, as usual.
I am fed up. My parents have been so careful and were looking forward to Christmas. MiL has carried on as normal throughout and had people in and out her house the whole time.
We could see them Christmas Eve, I did suggest that but my mum is upset because of what’s now happening on Christmas Day. She feels - rightly - that they get pushed out in favour of MiL. She also said if we are seeing MiL and she’s seeing loads of people then that’s our bubble and more gone. My parents are generally strict rule keepers.

OP posts:
AcornAutumn · 05/12/2020 17:50

You need to get out of there. This is nothing to do with Xmas.

Eviebeans · 05/12/2020 17:50

It sounds like this Christmas could be about making a change and I don't mean by not putting up a tree. I think 2021 could be different altogether for you minus dh.
I cannot imagine not doing Christmas for the children or not having a say in my own home.
And if I was doing all the driving I'd be driving straight round to see my parents and friends...

Original poster
Unsurekitten84 · 05/12/2020 17:51

Obviously he won’t put a gun to my head but he will be unpleasant and more so when drunk.

OP posts:
Smellbellina · 05/12/2020 17:51

Stop stropping, deal with your shitty marriage and sort out a semblance of a Christmas for your children.

Eviebeans · 05/12/2020 17:51

Dh could move in with MIL
Happy New year

AcornAutumn · 05/12/2020 17:52

@Unsurekitten84

I’ve not debated it with dh. I’ve just been told, as usual. I am fed up. My parents have been so careful and were looking forward to Christmas. MiL has carried on as normal throughout and had people in and out her house the whole time. We could see them Christmas Eve, I did suggest that but my mum is upset because of what’s now happening on Christmas Day. She feels - rightly - that they get pushed out in favour of MiL. She also said if we are seeing MiL and she’s seeing loads of people then that’s our bubble and more gone. My parents are generally strict rule keepers.
I’m not clear how bad the abuse is here but if your parents are on your side, is there room to tell DH and MIL to behave differently?

Also, if you’re not going to leave, why don’t you try being an angry drunk to him. You can pretend if you don’t want to drink.

Or will you get punched?

It’s quite concerning that both you and your parents are kowtowing to him.

sickofnickelodeon · 05/12/2020 17:52

@Unsurekitten84 OP I get you...
There's a lot of pearl clutching on here Hmm...
Your feelings are completely valid and you get to say them out loud! Why is it that some mums carry the mental load of the whole Xmas prep but dads get away with the shiny unwrapping and lush food? And precisely because this year has been soooo shite we all need our own loved ones a little bit more.

I have no doubt that you should make OH put his money where his mouth is and pitch in with all the prep...especially because you are physically and emotionally missing out this year on something he'll get, you'll witness and have to plaster a smile over.

Vent your feelings, and do Xmas in the way your energy levels allow. If someone doesn't like it... that's their problem to fix, not yours. Let the DCs do the tree! It will be wonky and only half way up but so whatXmas Grin