I’m going to cancel Christmas in my house

[Unsurekitten84]

I think the UK should have made that decision tbh. No mixing of households. Keep the tier system. Just leave it this year.
I’m quite looking forward to not having to put the tree up or wrap the stupid stocking presents. In fact it is possibly one of the few covid upsides. The downside is my MiL will still demand to see us and is looking forward to everything going ‘back to normal’ for five days, during which she will see everyone she’s ever met 🙄. I’ve said I don’t want to go but dh has overruled me as apparently she has to see her grandchildren on Christmas Day.
We won’t be seeing my family though.

I can't believe there are still people who are putting the boot in on the thread when there is clearly an abusive dynamic going onhere. Some people have such little understanding on abusive relationships and blame the victim. It is so common to say why didn't she leave without any of the understanding, and any will to even think about it for more seconds that it takes to type out an abusive message.

Good luck OP, I know it's hard but you can do these next few weeks, push through to the end of the month and then decide what's best for you and your DC in 2021.

My mother used to refuse to get up on Christmas day. All day. Especially if her MIL was staying. I hate her for it 30 years later. If you're still planning on doing nothing at all, good luck. I know it is an effort, but it means something to your 5 year old. He is FIVE, you do realise they all talk about who they saw and what they did when they get back to school?

Please try for them. Then if you are still unhappy leave DH in the new year. Leave him to his mother.

@caringcarer

You are using Covid as an excuse not to do Xmas this year. Nothing to stop you putting up a Xmas tree and a few decorations and sending cards. Nothing to stop you shopping for gifts for your children for their stockings. Why would you want to disappoint your children? If you are worried about going out you could shop online for their presents. Honestly you sound like you are determined to be miserable and try to make everyone around you miserable too. I hope your DH as hops for Xmas gifts for your children or they will be very disappointed and the 12 year old won't forgive you when friends ask what they had for Xmas.

What's your excuse for not RTFT or the OP's posts?

@StormyInTheNorth

My mother used to refuse to get up on Christmas day. All day. Especially if her MIL was staying. I hate her for it 30 years later. If you're still planning on doing nothing at all, good luck. I know it is an effort, but it means something to your 5 year old. He is FIVE, you do realise they all talk about who they saw and what they did when they get back to school?

Please try for them. Then if you are still unhappy leave DH in the new year. Leave him to his mother.

She is...

@Tinselandbaubauls

You’re poor children. At the end of the day you’re ruining Christmas for your children and if you don’t want to see MIL you don’t have to. You’re an adult, able to make your own decisions but don’t Ruin things for your kids. This year has been crap Enough as it is! Grow up.

FGS READ THE OP'S POSTS even if you can't be arsed to RTFT!

The rank stupidity and spitefulness of some of the posters on this thread beggars belief

There is someone ruining Christmas, and it isn't the OP

Thank you to those who have posted advice here and thank you for the reports too.

Can we ask that everyone remembers to post with a bit of peace and goodwill in mind, regardless of what board we're on.

OP we're sorry to hear you are having a tough time of it at the moment. As others have already mentioned, the relationships board could be better placed to provide support in this situation. We're going to move this thread over there now.

[quote 3littlewords]@nobdie FWIW I know exactly what its like to be in an unhappy controlling relationship and to have an over bearing MIL , still doesn't mean I won't make the effort for my dc at Christmas when I feel like im dying inside.[/quote]
@3littlewords One person's experience of an abusive relationships isn't the same as another person's (I have been there, too). I also know how it feels to think you just can't do anything any more, and that even getting out of bed feels like too much of a mountain to climb. I'm glad MNHQ have moved the thread to Relationships, and I hope the OP gets the support she needs, both here and IRL.

@Unsurekitten84

He would be unpleasant and angry. Oh and drunk. Likely drunk most of Christmas. So I will do all the driving too.

Which means you can drop him off, then get back into the car and drive away again.

I would put the tree up and do stockings and prezzies , your poor kids 😢

@Bedsheets4knickers

I would put the tree up and do stockings and prezzies , your poor kids 😢

Bloody hell.

Still no reading ability/comprehension skills...

SHE IS!!

@Bedsheets4knickers

I would put the tree up and do stockings and prezzies , your poor kids 😢

Oh FFS, at least read the OP's comments, even if not the full thread.

Your DH sounds incredibly controlling. I think this is probably your biggest issue out of all of this tbh.

If my DH wanted to see his DM go head but no way on this earth would I be forced to go anywhere or do anything!

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way @Unsurekitten84

A lot of this seems to stem from the fact you are already upset about next Christmas and we haven't even had this one yet.

And this is because of your DH.

Imagine if you left DH. Think about how free you'll be next Christmas. You can see your parents and not have to put up with a controlling nasty drunk all day.

Food for thought.

WHY are people STILL putting the boot in?? FFS this poor woman needs support and help, not the kicking she's had off some of you lot. You should be thoroughly ashamed. READ THE OP'S UPDATES!!!!

Why don’t you always do what you want on Christmas Day? I go nowhere and neither do my kids. I don’t care who I upset or offend. My life, my choice, go F yourself if you have a different opinion on how I should spend my time. I spend the rest of the year pleasing other people. Xmas day I do not get dressed, I do not clean my teeth, I watch what I want on TV, I eat when and what I want. The kids spend all day feral and playing computer games and none of us get off the sofa. I wouldn’t give that up for anyone. I see parents Xmas eve or Boxing Day. Xmas obligations can bite my arse. Get some attitude woman. Tell your DH if he wants to go he can but you and the kids are staying PUT and if he wants different then he’d better go buy a large F off crowbar because that’s the only way you are leaving the house.

@Shitzngiggles

WHY are people STILL putting the boot in?? FFS this poor woman needs support and help, not the kicking she's had off some of you lot. You should be thoroughly ashamed. READ THE OP'S UPDATES!!!!

Yes! People who don’t have the capacity to understand that OP is looking for support due to a deeply unhappy and unhealthy relationship really do need to piss off now. Get yourselves back to AIBU.

You need to get rid of your DH.

He's a controlling bastard and you and the children would be better off without him.

@CarolineMumsnet

Thank you to those who have posted advice here and thank you for the reports too.

Can we ask that everyone remembers to post with a bit of peace and goodwill in mind, regardless of what board we're on.

OP we're sorry to hear you are having a tough time of it at the moment. As others have already mentioned, the relationships board could be better placed to provide support in this situation. We're going to move this thread over there now.

Thank you.

I hope the OP is all right.

You deserve to be happy, OP. I hope that soon, you will be.

Why make it about you want, think about giving your kids the best Xmas

Kimbo1974

Read the full thread !!

**Kimbo1974

Why make it about you want, think about giving your kids the best Xmas**

Oh ffs.

It sounds like you're stressed out and fed up with your drunken H and his overbearing MIL. Sounds like they are 2 peas in the pod.

Just do the minimal with the tree and decorations and have the DC help you.

I'm kind of a sassy old gal, but I would do the decoration, socks, and tree and then get up early on Christmas before H is up and take the DC to your parents and have Christmas there and stay the weekend, leaving the mean drunken arse to himself. Maybe mummy can come fetch him!

Do you have a date for when you are getting the divorce started?

I would not tolerate being told what to do like that. People are being bloody stupid and we will get a massive spike in covid deaths in January. I am not seeing any of my relatives this year and they don't want to see me as I work with covid patients.
People are just being so selfish I want to scream. Shops are packed, streets are packed, idiots insistent on visiting everyone they've ever know just because it's fecking xmas.
Put your foot down and tell MIL and your H to get stuffed.
You'll visit when you've all had the vaccine and not before.
I've seen some horrible tragedies lately, an elderly couple whose children have all died of covid after a family party during lockdown, they now have nobody in the world, and that is just the tip of the iceberg where I work.
Can't believe other posters are being such selfish stupid idiots about this.