I’m going to cancel Christmas in my house

[Unsurekitten84]

I think the UK should have made that decision tbh. No mixing of households. Keep the tier system. Just leave it this year.
I’m quite looking forward to not having to put the tree up or wrap the stupid stocking presents. In fact it is possibly one of the few covid upsides. The downside is my MiL will still demand to see us and is looking forward to everything going ‘back to normal’ for five days, during which she will see everyone she’s ever met 🙄. I’ve said I don’t want to go but dh has overruled me as apparently she has to see her grandchildren on Christmas Day.
We won’t be seeing my family though.

MiL wants to see the children, not just DH.
She ‘doesn’t know how she’d live knowing she wouldn’t see them on Christmas’s day.’

Either put your foot down since you'll be the one driving, or don't but either way don't spoil Xmas for your young children ffs

@Unsurekitten84

He would be unpleasant and angry. Oh and drunk. Likely drunk most of Christmas. So I will do all the driving too.

So leave him to get drunk on his own Drive over to your parents with the kids and spend Christmas there, stay overnight if possible. In the new year divorce the miserable bastard

I suspect thee are much deeper issues than just christmas.

Is he aggressive to DC?

Next Christmas you won’t be with your husband, you’ll be divorced judging by your other thread.

You need to find some way not to ruin it for your children this year.

Do you really want them to look back and remember the year that they had no presents or tree? This is shit for you. Don’t make it shit for them.

@Unsurekitten84

MiL wants to see the children, not just DH. She ‘doesn’t know how she’d live knowing she wouldn’t see them on Christmas’s day.’

I don't get it You usually alternate years so how does she not die on the years you go to your parents usually?

We usually see her as well. Every year. But not always for lunch.

Pandemic or no pandemic, we don't often see family over Xmas. My in laws have passed away(used to see them) and my mum and dad live in different parts of the UK. Mum in a care home and dad in a small flat a long way away. My brother and SL visit her mum as she's on her own. Do we give up on Xmas every year, of course not. my DD6 and DS11 have it her, just the 4 of us. They enjoy opening their presents, we enjoy the food and we love putting the decs up and making it festive.

We see family at different times of the year instead, it's just easier that way. There is no reason you can't enjoy Xmas as a family unit.

Yes next year I won’t be here.

@Unsurekitten84 I've read your other thread (I know this is considered a big MN no-no, but I don't care). You've got an awful lot more going on than just this issue. Surely that's what you should be addressing?

@MrsMarrio

Is your first name Grinch and second name Scrooge?

🤣

No, because I’m fed up. But I don’t get to be fed up because I’m mum

Newsflash, we're all fed up. Every single one of us.

So I have 2 children 22 and 19, one at uni, one living in a city 80 miles away, should they be expected to not come home!?

All very well to say, I’m alright but fuck everyone else.
I get that Christmas needs to be a much smaller affair this year, but we don’t all live in nice little perfect nuclear families!

@Unsurekitten84

Yes next year I won’t be here.

So make this year about getting through with the least fuss as possible.

You see your parents according to the tier 3 rules (outside, possibly on your own). Not ideal but probably acceptable to them.

Get Christmas food to put in the oven and a few easy presents so your kids don’t miss out.

Keep your dh at arms length. Let him and the kids go to see MIL without kicking up a fuss.

Focus on January when you are leaving him.

@Unsurekitten84

We usually see her as well. Every year. But not always for lunch.

So see her Boxing Day? Why won't that do?

I hear you.
What do you mean by "next year, I wont be here"?
I hope you mean you will find the strength to leave the lazy bastard.

I heartily endorse your decision. Why should you be expected to pull the perfect Christmas out of your arse every year.

Tell your family that you are stepping back this year, to allow them to enjoy the fun of taking care of all the preparations. Including decorating, shopping, wrapping presents, preparing feasts and driving to visit relatives.

Because you, after due consideration, have realised that it is wrong of you to deprive them of the learning experience of what goes in to making magical Christmas dreams come true.

Also, in your position, I'd be asking my mum if I could kip on her sofa for the Christmas period, to recover your equilibrium and ensure that your husband gets to fully experience his parental responsibilities.

I'd probably use that time to think about why I was with a bully who doesn't listen to me, and expects me to do as I'm told and act as his chauffeur so that he can get drunk and abusive. Perhaps Christmas 2021 will be different?

@Unsurekitten84

I don’t want to see MiL. I won’t be given a choice. Dh will say we are going so we will go. She’s seen all and sundry throughout the whole thing anyway. My children will be 5 and 12. They only squabble and annoy each other all Christmas anyway and wake up at 4am so everyone is overtired and fed up by 9am.

You're breaking the Christmas rules if she's already seeing loads of other people. Also your DH is not your keeper. No-one can make you go.

Don't be a martyr.

Can't you see your parents as planned, have some time together and have lunch. See MIL later in the afternoon. Who she has seen won't be a danger to your parents if you see them first.

You need to tell your DH you dont want to go to see your MIL. And he needs to stand up to her and tell her. Your children at 5 & 12 can not miss out! If you are not seeing your family, then why wont your MIL accept that you are having a family christmas at home if thats what you want? It really sounds like this is more about your MIL than the virus.

It really sounds like this is more about your MIL than the virus.

It’s clearly about the dh if you read the other thread.

Bah humbug!

No tree with such young kids..poor kids!!!!

@Unsurekitten84
I think that you're doing your children a very grave disservice here. It sounds like you are pissed off because your husband is insisting on seeing his mother. All this talk about turns with you, your children and your husband and your parents is ridiculous.
Your kids will remember this year as the one, after a shocking and frightening year, Christmas didn't happen because Mum was angry.
I'm over 60 now and I still remember the arguments about my mothers PIL at Christmas. Yep, my Grandparents were the enemy, as far as she was concerned.
Please think again, have a conversation with your H and tell him how unhappy you are.