I’m going to cancel Christmas in my house

[Unsurekitten84]

I think the UK should have made that decision tbh. No mixing of households. Keep the tier system. Just leave it this year.
I’m quite looking forward to not having to put the tree up or wrap the stupid stocking presents. In fact it is possibly one of the few covid upsides. The downside is my MiL will still demand to see us and is looking forward to everything going ‘back to normal’ for five days, during which she will see everyone she’s ever met 🙄. I’ve said I don’t want to go but dh has overruled me as apparently she has to see her grandchildren on Christmas Day.
We won’t be seeing my family though.

If you really can’t go against your DHs demands, see your parents first before you have mixed with MIL and her all and sundry.

You sound totally defeated and I’m not surprised, your DH sounds awful. But don’t let your kids suffer because if him. Yes, in an ideal world you wouldn’t be shouldering all the responsibility but I’m guessing this isn’t a new thing.

So rather than say no to your husband you'd rather sulk and ruin Christmas for your children, wow.

@Unsurekitten84

No MiL won’t have a bubble, more an ocean. But I don’t feel it’s fair to then put my parents at risk given her high contact in a tier 3 area - my dad was shielded first lockdown.

So you’ll ruin your children’s Xmas out of spite?

Why does your DH get to decide?

^ this

Can't you compromise and have your parents round Xmas Eve for dinner before you are exposed to the MIL?

What dh says, goes. It’s not up for debate.

I’m not sulking over it. I’m just absolutely exhausted and fed up and I haven’t the energy or the strength to put a brave face on it and bother with Christmas.

Also think this year has very clearly highlighted 2 types of parenting:

A- We’ve both lost our jobs, waiting on UC, can’t pay the bills, £20 budget to do entire Christmas. How can I make this magical for DC so they don’t have a s* time. Budget/low cost/free ideas welcomed. I’m determined to give them a good time regardless!

B- I’m fed up and it’s been a shit year. I can’t be arsed making an effort, no one appreciates it anyway. I’m cancelling the whole s show and giving zero f*

We all think/feel B several times a day I’m sure. But we don’t do it, because they’re children and we are adults!

Wow, it really is all about your big strop isn't it.

Sulking, stamping your feet, removing all Christmas cheer from your children all because you don't like your MIL

Why not have your parents over for lunch and don't see MIL until after you've seen your parents so that seeing her doesn't increase the risk to them. Or alternatively you could just lie on the floor kicking and punching with your fingers in your ears.

@Unsurekitten84

What dh says, goes. It’s not up for debate.

I’m not sulking over it. I’m just absolutely exhausted and fed up and I haven’t the energy or the strength to put a brave face on it and bother with Christmas.

Why?

What does he do to you if you don't obey him?

Why wouldn’t the plan to have your parents over before he goes to see mil work?

Or were you not looking for constructive suggestions?

Think it’s time to stop the whinging. You are a parent, as is your husband, but stop being so damn selfish to your kids. Ok he won’t do anything, but at least put the tree up and sort presents

If he won’t cook then you have a choice, you do it, or it doesn’t get done and your kids suffer

At their age they will remember this. Your husband may not accept responsibility for doing anything so sorry you have to step up,

If you don’t want to go to mil don’t go, he can go with the kids and you can stay at home and have a pity party

So as if it hasn't been a shit enough year already your kids get to miss out on Christmas too because you can't be arsed? Lovely.

@Unsurekitten84

Because MiL gets her way as she shouts loudest. She will announce it is her turn again next year and he will agree.

So dump the loser. What sort of a grown man can't stand up to his mum when she's being so unreasonable.

You're acting helpless, if you don't want to go to MILs, don't go. Let your dh go and you go to your parents.

@Unsurekitten84

What dh says, goes. It’s not up for debate.

I’m not sulking over it. I’m just absolutely exhausted and fed up and I haven’t the energy or the strength to put a brave face on it and bother with Christmas.

I wasn't kidding when I said divorce the twat

You’re seething with resentment (which I quite understand, tbh) and that’s really no way to live. There’s no point throwing fits and cancelling the whole thing as that will just make your children sad. If your husband insists that your children have to go with him then let them. Bide your time and next year you take them to your parents’ for the day. That will be perfectly fair. People can shout as much as they want but you just keep calm and do it.

This year, go visit your parents on Christmas Day, or have them come to yours. You honestly shouldn’t roll over every time. Shout louder, and if that doesn’t work just decide what you’re going to do once in a while and then do it, no matter how much grief you get.

You matter too. But if you martyr yourself you’ll just keep not mattering.

What dh says, goes. It’s not up for debate.

That's the issue, but it's not the fault of your children. Can you tell DH to fuck off to MILs for the day if he is so keen to see her, and then you and the children can have a good day at home?

why cant you see your parents? do they not want to come ?
if its their turn and thats what you would usually be doing then why is that changing?

your childrens behaviuor is nothing to do with MIL
there is nothing wrong with being fed up but you are just being a martyrish... and whingy..

be an adult and work out your preferred options and how that could/could not happen and some options then have a proper conversation with your DH .... if you cant have a proper conversation with him then christmas isnt your problem

Why can’t you say no to your husband? That seems to be the biggest issue for me. I get where you’re coming from regarding having to do everything; it’s as if it all comes down to you (being the one with ovaries n’all) and it’s shite.

I presume it’s a fear of the consequences. If safe to do so, put your foot down and tell him you’ll be seeing your parents after Christmas and won’t be going to see MIL. Let them go, decorate the tree for the kids and then look forward to a quiet Christmas watching anything you want to on the day, calling/video calling your M&D and generally doing what you like. Don’t go as you’ll massively resent it. You control!

Well you have a dh problem because no way on earth would my dh steam roller me into this.
Tell him you're taking the dc to your parents on Christmas eve and coming home Boxing day morning, he can go with you or stay at home.
His choice.

@Unsurekitten84

What dh says, goes. It’s not up for debate.

I’m not sulking over it. I’m just absolutely exhausted and fed up and I haven’t the energy or the strength to put a brave face on it and bother with Christmas.

That’s a major problem.

Why don’t you say no that?

He would be unpleasant and angry.
Oh and drunk. Likely drunk most of Christmas. So I will do all the driving too.

You're allowed to choose separate bubbles. Why don't you see your parents and he see his?