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Original poster

I’m going to cancel Christmas in my house

350 replies

Unsurekitten84 · 05/12/2020 16:58

I think the UK should have made that decision tbh. No mixing of households. Keep the tier system. Just leave it this year.
I’m quite looking forward to not having to put the tree up or wrap the stupid stocking presents. In fact it is possibly one of the few covid upsides. The downside is my MiL will still demand to see us and is looking forward to everything going ‘back to normal’ for five days, during which she will see everyone she’s ever met 🙄. I’ve said I don’t want to go but dh has overruled me as apparently she has to see her grandchildren on Christmas Day.
We won’t be seeing my family though.

OP posts:

MotherExtraordinaire · 05/12/2020 18:59

@Unsurekitten84

It annoys me even more that we should have had lunch with my parents this year, but now they will lose this year and we will still have to go to MiL’s next year for lunch 🙄.

Then state that this year if you go to mil's you'll be going to your family in 2021.

Or isolate for 2 weeks before and see your family?

As for cancelling, with children that's unfair on them. Surely making the Christmas as lovely as possible for them should be the priority?

Icenii · 05/12/2020 18:59

Can you take your children Christmas eve to your parents and just stay there? File for divorce and if needed, report your husband if he is abusing you.

Candyfloss99 · 05/12/2020 18:59

What does not putting a tree up or wrapping presents have to do with COVID? You just sound boring.

MrsBrunch · 05/12/2020 19:01

I don't think OP was serious about not having a tree and presents.

Cloverglens · 05/12/2020 19:02

Poor kids!

Make the day special for them and don't go to any family or go and see your parents and refuse to go to your mil.

Regardless, I would be making sure Christmas is good for the kids...... Tree, presents, sweets, movies and chill time.

Christmas is really for kids!

unplugged · 05/12/2020 19:02

That should have read * no Christmas lunch

JamieLeeCurtains · 05/12/2020 19:03

The OP is getting a hard time because of the board she put this on, i.e. 'Coronavirus'.

If she'd put it on AIBU it would have been even worse.

Some posters on this thread have been absolute c*nts.

@Unsurekitten84, maybe start a thread in Relationships about this (sorry, haven't seen/recognised your other one yet) and please say from the outset that he's a drunk bully.

I do think you need to find a bit of headspace though to think about the impact this family life is going to be having on your kids. They'll need support too.

MotherExtraordinaire · 05/12/2020 19:03

@Unsurekitten84

Yes next year I won’t be here.

Why not?

LizzieSiddal · 05/12/2020 19:08

@Unsurekitten84, maybe start a thread in Relationships about this (sorry, haven't seen/recognised your other one yet) and please say from the outset that he's a drunk bully.

Yes please do this.x

tootiredtospeak · 05/12/2020 19:09

Hmmm not sure it's very fair to take your frustration out on your kids. Put up the tree sort the kids presents and put your foot down with your DH. Refuse to see Mil and go see your parents grow a backbone jeez.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 05/12/2020 19:12

Don't cancel Christmas for your kids. Spend it at your mum's if DH is unpleasant and drunk, he can spend it at his mums
You have the perfect excuse, someone who is supposed to be self isolating because they might have been exposed to the virus but is in fact seeing as many people as she can is putting herself and ultimately you and your kids at risk, so just go to your parents.

nononovember · 05/12/2020 19:12

OP you sound like you're in an abusive relationship.
Can you leave him and beg help and support.
Just you and the children at your parents. I'm sure you would have a lovely, cozy Christmas.
Why can't you leave ?
Sending supportive thoughts to you. It sounds like you are in a bad place emotionally.

CloudyVanilla · 05/12/2020 19:13

This sounds miserable for your young children :(

I don't want to hurt you but I feel sorry for them. People in much worse situations with much less resources pull it together so their kids don't miss out on Christmas.

If they had never celebrated that would obviously be completely fine, but how on earth would you feel as a 9 year old in this situation?

nononovember · 05/12/2020 19:13

Get not beg.
Just pack up and spend Christmas with your parents.

Diva66 · 05/12/2020 19:14

OP, your husband sounds like he is guilty of coercive control. This is abuse. I don’t know your situation but I think you and your children need to get away from this awful bullying man, it isn’t doing them any good having an abusive drunk as a father.

MagicSummer · 05/12/2020 19:16

I quite agree with you, OP. Cannot wait for the whole overblown fiasco to be over and let's get on with a new year and hopefully, some return to normality. Keep your dry turkey, your tacky decorations and all the plastic tat, the arguments, the boring TV et al.

ReallySpicyCurry · 05/12/2020 19:17

Being in a crap marriage isn't an excuse to punish your children. They've probably had enough of a crap year, locked down with their horrible father

CloudyVanilla · 05/12/2020 19:17

Gosh your updates are so confusing as in they potentially change the situation so dramatically but it's hard to tell if your DH is feckless or downright abusive.

I hope for the sake of your children that this dynamic changes. Sounds so sad :(

If you need help, I hope you seek it and I hope you get it

Lavenderfieldsofprovence · 05/12/2020 19:22

@Unsurekitten84

I don’t want to see MiL. I won’t be given a choice. Dh will say we are going so we will go. She’s seen all and sundry throughout the whole thing anyway. My children will be 5 and 12. They only squabble and annoy each other all Christmas anyway and wake up at 4am so everyone is overtired and fed up by 9am.

So you don’t plan on having Christmas even though you have children. You sound really miserable. It’s not about you, it’s about the children.

PhineasRedux · 05/12/2020 19:23

@JamieLeeCurtains

The OP is getting a hard time because of the board she put this on, i.e. 'Coronavirus'.

If she'd put it on AIBU it would have been even worse.

Some posters on this thread have been absolute c*nts.

@Unsurekitten84, maybe start a thread in Relationships about this (sorry, haven't seen/recognised your other one yet) and please say from the outset that he's a drunk bully.

I do think you need to find a bit of headspace though to think about the impact this family life is going to be having on your kids. They'll need support too.

This.

Originalyellowbelly · 05/12/2020 19:24

OP, please don't punish your DC for your MIL's and DH's behaviour, let them have a lovely christmas and you can make plans for a happy new life.

Demitri · 05/12/2020 19:25

It’s not your kids fault that your dh is a twat. You have several options here which don’t result in ruining the poor kids day. After the year we’ve all had, it’s not fair that they don’t get to enjoy it because you and your dh can’t get your shit together.

If you really can’t get out of Xmas with your mil, why can’t you see your parents on Xmas eve or Boxing Day? That way dc get two christmases.

Or, you can just get the kids ready and go to your parents anyway. Leave dh at home

You can split the day and see both your in laws and your parents.

Are you scared of your dh? Why won’t you be there next year?

AcrossthePond55 · 05/12/2020 19:26

Take a deep breath. Control what you can control or feel comfortable controlling. Try to let the rest go as best you can Reconsider completely cancelling Xmas, maybe scale back to only what your children would like. Santa doesn't need a decorated tree or loads of decorations all through the house to pay a visit. He also doesn't need a shit-tonne of homemade food or goodies. Microwave or pop in the oven entrees & puddings are good enough for him.

See your parents Xmas Eve. Or whatever day works before you see MiL. At least you'll be seeing them that way. Don't 'not' see them because of MiL. That's punishing the wrong people. And you know what....bless you for wanting to keep your parents safe. As an 'older person' I applaud you for that. We had to do without seeing my DS1 & DiL for Thanksgiving because they were exposed to Covid by her mother. As much as we missed them, we were grateful to DS1 & DiL for keeping us safe.

I understand what it's like to deal with 'ugly moody husband'. Sometimes it's just easier to grit your teeth and deal with whatever they want to do for XX number of hours (or days) than it is to put up with twice the number of hours (or days) of being treated like shit. But honestly it's no way to live the rest of your life.

I'm hoping by 'not being here next year' you mean you'll be leaving with the children sometime in 2021. If so, be sure you start a thread because MN is invaluable for support, information, and agencies to help you get out safely and soon.

GameSetMatch · 05/12/2020 19:26

A very excited 5 year old who will be talking about Christmas with his friends at school, will wake up and Father Christmas won’t have been! This is the kind of thing that the poor child will remember for the rest of his life and screw him up ‘ why did I get forgotten’ if you have never celebrated Christmas before then fine but this is awful. I’m sure you could muster up the energy to order one gift for each child.

MrsKingfisher · 05/12/2020 19:27

Put the tree up you mard arse and let your kids enjoy it. Haven't they had a shit enough year without you cancelling something they might enjoy.

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