It's all gone to s**t

[summer25]

Another day ruined. So, we came back from a lovely morning having picked up the tree and had breakfast together and next door neighbour handed us a package addressed to my DS with puppies on it. My OH had, for Christmas, sponsored guide dogs for the hard of hearing for both kids. My OH handed the package to my son because it had his name on it. Then all hell breaks loose, my DS shouldn't have had this till Christmas day, apparently it's all my fault because I didn't say anything. Queue my OU storming upstairs and crying, my DS is in tears, my DD is screaming at me calling me all the names under the sun and I just want to get out but can't because my DD is blocking the door. It ends up with her shoving me around and my husband shoving me onto the sofa. The day has been absolutely ruined, it was meant to be so lovely. Every year, the day we get the tree is ruined by arguments and I'd promised my DS this morning that it would be different this year. I can't believe this has happened again. The whole family is just so upset.

This situation is insane. I'm 35 and have never ever put my hand on my mum. Unimaginable

Sorry op I just cant believe what I have read
Please get some help asap I'm so sorry this is happening to you and your ds you oh and dd are abusive it will only get worse.

It sounds like your husband is abusing you, and your daughter is following suit. I'm so sorry.

@MoreLikeThis

What are your kids ages?

OP says they are teenagers.

This isnt just another day ruined, this is abuse.

Your OH is a physically and emotionally abusive bully and your DD is replicating the abusive behaviour she has witnessed.

This is a toxic and extremely damaging environment. Yes this time of year is stressful and after the year we have all had there is bound to be occasional tiff but this is not what this was. You also said this day is ruined every year so there is repeated behaviour.

Get out asap and please get yourself and the DC's some professional support.

@summer25

The gift was just one gift amongst various others that DS will be receiving this year. My OH is the father to the kids and I think he thought it would be a nice gift. I suspect it may have something to do with the fact that OH's father used to do this and he died a few years ago. That may be why he totally overreacted this afternoon. No excuse though and not the first time something like this has happened. Thanks for all your advice. I will read all the links you have sent.

But you haven't said why, when he knew what it was, he gave it to them and then blamed you?

And what are you going to do about all the toxicity? Do you need help?

Why are your children so physical with you?

@rachelbloomfan

Sorry to hear you experienced this kind of treatment and behaviour too.

I hope the OP really does take everything onboard as she has said
as I like you, and the OP (I've posted on here yesterday) was in a relationship that was the same.

I was with my Ex (DS's father) 9 years before my DS was born and things didn't change, if anything they got worse.

Every special occasion was marred (even just after DS's birth while I was still in hospital... then his first birthday... it was never ending) .
In the end when my DS was 18 months old I had had enough.

I feel for OP and feel her relationship cannot continue as clearly the children are affected by the toxicity not only her.

When I split up from my Ex I felt like a bird that had been freed from a cage! I made Kelly Clarkson - 'Since you've been gone' my ringtone.

I really cannot stress @summer25 how much better I felt to be in control of my life. It was like a storm cloud that was continually over me was melted away by rays of sunshine.

I did feel guilty towards my DS for making us a single parent family as opposed to being a family unit but it was far too unhealthy and irretrievable to fix but a happy Mum equalled a happy child.

It's coming up to the 12th anniversary of me ending the relationship on 18th December. I always cast my mind back to that day to how things were and thank my lucky stars I found the courage within to change things for the better.

We are her OP if you need any more guidance.

Been thinking of you,OP. Hope you're okay x