It's all gone to s**t

[summer25]

Another day ruined. So, we came back from a lovely morning having picked up the tree and had breakfast together and next door neighbour handed us a package addressed to my DS with puppies on it. My OH had, for Christmas, sponsored guide dogs for the hard of hearing for both kids. My OH handed the package to my son because it had his name on it. Then all hell breaks loose, my DS shouldn't have had this till Christmas day, apparently it's all my fault because I didn't say anything. Queue my OU storming upstairs and crying, my DS is in tears, my DD is screaming at me calling me all the names under the sun and I just want to get out but can't because my DD is blocking the door. It ends up with her shoving me around and my husband shoving me onto the sofa. The day has been absolutely ruined, it was meant to be so lovely. Every year, the day we get the tree is ruined by arguments and I'd promised my DS this morning that it would be different this year. I can't believe this has happened again. The whole family is just so upset.

@MoreCookiesPlease

What the fuck have I just read? Get out of this house OP. You are being abused by your husband and your daughter.

Jesus OP - THIS with bells on. I am FUMING on your behalf (along with other posters on here).

xxxx

I think you need to leave, even if you leave them with him.

Tell the D.C. that it isn't right, it's abusive and you cannot and will not stay.

Go somewhere else, family?

Discuss the way forward as a family in January.

"Get out of this house OP."

Wouldn't it be great if the abusers could be made to leave?

As ever has said this is not your fault.
How long have your kids been calling you names and shoving you about.
I find that really shocking that it seems normal for you.to be honest.
Its going to take a lot to turn this behaviour around and you are going to need a lot if support . How do the kids behave away from the home and in school?

Let me guess, he manages to ruin every nice occasion but of course it's always your fault?

Your title said another day ruined. Really think about what actually happens to ruin each special day you plan. Is there a pattern? Is it always connected to your oh?

Total over reaction from you dh which probably triggered your dd who ended up shoving you around. Is dh always such a drama Queen?, guessing the dc are just mirroring his childish behaviour.

It’s not the end of the world that they go a early Christmas gift, it won’t ruin Christmas, it’s not as though they are small children who have just found their main gift from Father Christmas.

Sounds like your dh is the issue here, just imagine how Christmas could be without him there? Much more relaxed I’m guessing.

Can you move out and stay with friends or family for a bit because you can tell them you won't be treated like that any more, while plotting a permanent path out of the situation should you need it (and it sounds like you do)? Your oh is probably beyond help but please don't give up on your dc. Away from oh you can build healthier relationships with them so in time they can be the decent people they deserve to be able to be.

@summer25

The gift was just one gift amongst various others that DS will be receiving this year. My OH is the father to the kids and I think he thought it would be a nice gift. I suspect it may have something to do with the fact that OH's father used to do this and he died a few years ago. That may be why he totally overreacted this afternoon. No excuse though and not the first time something like this has happened. Thanks for all your advice. I will read all the links you have sent.

Every time this happens do you come up with excuses "reasons" for his abuse? I suggest writing them down somewhere (safe from his eyes) so that you can start to see the pattern.

Yeah, this is so not acceptable, OP.

I am so sorry OP only read page 1 but wanted to say I would be sitting them all down round the table and telling them that this aint hapening and wil not happen again..if it does thats iit you will be done with the lot of them.My goodness you do not have to accept such disgusting behaviour. Get your big girl pants on and frighten the life out of the lot of them..(you dont have to mean it but you can go maximum shock value)by telling them how horrible they have been.They ruined the day not you make sure they know.How dare they? scandalous.

But wtf?? I don't understand.
The neighbour brought the package round with puppies on it which had presumably been delivered there instead of to your place.
Your OH gave it to DS.
Then you got blamed???
I had to read your OP about 3 times to understand this because I couldn't work out why it was supposedly your fault.

You had absolutely nothing to do with this. Not your fault.
He is abusive and as others have said, he would have caused a scene about anything just to ruin the day. I had an ex who ruined every fucking Christmas for 7 years!
Your daughter is going the same way. It's horrendous.
I think you really need to split. You cannot be living like this.

It's sad to read that you say the day was ruined yet
don't see the bigger picture is your life is being ruined.

This is an iron clad example of rules number one, two, three and four from the Handbook for Cunts.

One- EVERYTHING is YOUR fault, even if I did it.
Two- I only did wrong because you failed to stop me doing that thing you did not foresee me choosing to do.
Three- I can cry and be upset with you when I did something to upset me but you are not allowed to be even slightly miffed by anything I did, so I had better not even see a flicker of emotion on your face or else.
Four- I can lay hands on you whenever I feel like it.

I’m shocked reading this. Please do not accept this appalling behaviour from your family. A grown man running upstairs crying and your children abusing you 😲. This is so upsetting to read.

You need to get away from this toxic violent household. Domestic abuse is not acceptable.

How old are your children OP?

As you refer to your partner as OH... Is he the children's father?
Irrespective of this I think it is time you re evaluate your life with him in it, or rather out of it. He hasn't only ruined the day... he is ruining your entire life.

My DS's father was exactly like this and I split up from him when my DS was 18 months old. That was because he was the same as you have described in ruining every special occasion and I did not want our DS to grow up in a house with a father that acted like a spoilt child. I did not want my our DS thinking this behaviour was acceptable. We actually split up on 18th December (as he had a similar 'tantrum' over a Christmas event I had planned with my parents). My DS is now 14.

It was hard but it was the best thing I ever did. Life really is too short OP. You deserve to be respected and happy

'My OH handed the package to my son because it had his name on it. Then all hell breaks loose, my DS shouldn't have had this till Christmas day, apparently it's all my fault because I didn't say anything. Queue my OU storming upstairs and crying,'

So he physically handed it to him but it's your fault

Right oh

I just wish we could start from the beginning again.

Wouldn’t stop him being a cunt, OP.

What a bloody drama king your other half is! He is being ridiculous and the children are just as bad.

I hope you can get away and get some head space and take DS with you too if that feels like the right thing to do. What an awful situation.

'my DD is screaming at me calling me all the names under the sun and I just want to get out but can't because my DD is blocking the door. It ends up with her shoving me around and my husband shoving me onto the sofa'

WTAF

An adult and father storms upstairs crying because HE gave his son a present too early by mistake? I’d be rethinking that relationship unless there’s a massive other story going on.

He needs to grow up, his behaviour is terrible and your children are clearly following in his foot steps. Nip it in the bud now for your own sake. Completely unacceptable behaviour from all of them.

I just wish we’d could start from the beginning again

You can love, but not with your OH. There isn’t a single person here who doesn’t think you are being abused.

Please make plans to leave. Your children will get over a shit Christmas this year for a better future. It’s not going to be a great Christmas for many people anyway.

Your kids show you such disrespect because they have watched your th and learnt that's how you treat mum.

Monkey see, monkey do