What’s it like being single ? Serious question )

[Emmie12345]

Stupid question really but I never have been !

I am starting to feel current relationship isn’t right for a number of reasons - I met my partner very soon after my marriage ended so never really had time on my own .

I’m scared that being single is stopping me ending things thoiugh - we don’t live together , which I suppose means i am used to time alone

Has anyone got any Advice ?

Don't stay in a bad relationship because you think being single will be awful. The best thing you can do really is get comfortable with your own company. Cultivate your own interests and hobbies and enjoy the feeling of only catering to your whims and needs for a while.

I found being single made me much bolder and more confident. Achieved a lot more. I tried things I wouldn't normally as I find relationships make you too comfortable/lazy. It also taught me to self soothe and find happiness within myself, which in turn means my relationships are healthier - as I don't burden them with ALL my emotional needs.

Really, the confidence and self love you feel from knowing you can survive and thrive alone in the world, that feeling of independence where you're master of the your own fortunes - is incredible. I love relationships too but I love that I've had periods of my life where I just did me, had my own adventures, experimented - it's made me a fuller person.

I absolutely adore being single. Was married for nearly 20 years. Been single for 2 and honestly can’t conceive of the person who would make me want to give it up (although I remain open to possibility)

I enjoy being single too. Own space, can watch what I want on tv, no one else to run about cleaning up after, whole bed to sleep to myself diagonally in. Magic.

I love love love being single and the best part of it is that I don't have to spend time with my partners famiies which seems to eat into a big part of the week usually.

I'm a member of a couple of facebook groups one about dieting and one about housekeeping and the amount of women on those groups who are upset because their partners sabotage their efforts is horrible. I'd rather be single.

I love being single. Before I got married, I was single for 10 years, with only the odd FWB, and I was completely happy. When my marriage broke down (25 years together, 20 married) it was horrendous, but immediately after I realised that single is absolutely fine. Managing financially was hard initially, single parenting two teens also had its tricky moments, but on the whole I would never, ever, ever go back. I'm 52 and I have no intention of being anything but single ever again.

I'd define singledom as freedom and fulfilment. It certainly minimises the risk of fucking your life up and/or of having it fucked up for you.

FWB, keeping pets, friends, hobbies, enjoying your kids, not listening to snoring, no ILs, no social media paranoia: why the hell would anyone bother with a 121 relationship.

I absolutely loved being single. I love being with DP now, too, but I do think a period of being single is a brilliant thing that all women should experience.

It was just brilliant to be able to cook what I wanted, watch what I wanted, go out when I wanted.

If I wanted to stay in bed until lunchtime at the weekends there was nobody making me feel guilty, or loudly doing chores to rub in the fact that I'm being lazy.

The world really is on your terms when you're single - and you might find someone you end up wanting to live with or you might not, but you're absolutely enough for yourself, you certainly don't need anyone else.

I think it sounds like you would 100% benefit from getting out of this relationship, and just enjoying your own company for a while without rushing into anything :).

Everyone seems to love it but I hate being single. Possibly because I don't have many adults to spend time with, Miss the companionship, intimacy, someone being there when you come home, making plans together for your future.
Obviously being single is a better option than a bad relationship but I do worry and I hope I can find someone soon.
However until then I try to see the positives in it as I have to which for me is no more arguing, financially independent, lazing about when I want, planning my own future goals but for me it is lonely unfortunately.

Can I ask how Fwb evolves ? Is it a tacit agreement or explicit ?

Can I ask a couple of questions about being happy single? I've been single for a year now but have been chasing men online. I now want to accept singledom and try and be happy.

Do you think its easier to be happy if you have children? I do and sometimes feel guilty they're 'not enough' if that makes sense? I still feel something is missing.

How do those with FWB manage it? I tried it and got badly hurt. It sounds great in theory but how do you keep the boundaries and not get attached?

Yeah @Mermaidwaves I wanna know that too re FwB

I feel like I am a love addict tbh sometimes

Expensive, very expensive.

Also I’m an introvert who actually enjoys alone time but am increasingly lonely and unfulfilled. The worst thing is people (who are mostly in relationships) telling me how I need to be happy in my own company. I’ve been single for way longer than I’ve been in a relationship and it can be lonely.

Funnily enough I find relationships more costly. At least in the early days when dating. But even after that i find things like when they are round- always plumping for takeaways rather than cooking like I usually would.

@Emmie12345 a love addict is a good description! A male friend of mine said I'm desperate and sadly I think its true, its why I've had such low boundaries in the past. A period of singledom would be good for me but I want to be happy with it, not longing to find 'the one' all the time.

@Mermaidwaves are you me haha? Same exactly - now the amazing passion has left my current relationship a bit I am thinking its not such a good relationship after all. It feels like incredibly hard work and stressful a lot of the time

Made me laugh how we are worrying about fwb before even being single lol

I think you have to ask yourself why you want a relationship. It sounds silly but why? Is it cos it’s the socially accepted ‘norm’? Loneliness? Someone to do things with?
I think it’s hard to advise as I think some people are better suited to singledom than others.
I also love being single, I’m not answerable to anyone and it has taught me that if I want to do something (such as travel etc) I don’t actually need anyone else to do it with. I would have to think very, very hard about giving up being single if I were to meet someone.
I have lots of hobbies and interests that take up a lot of my time, in normal times I love being able to socialise and see friends whenever I want to without having to take someone else’s plans or needs into account. I feel like a lot of people don’t believe me when I say I am happily single but I am.

Single life is for me the absolute definition of contentment.

It's about what you want OP and no one else.

Research Relationship Anarchy to give you some idea of what can be achieved as a single person.

Have friends of the opposite sex for friendship and fun and grow old under separate roof's.

Yes you'll get the cynical remarks from the conventional pearl clutchers but fuck em!! It's about what you want!!

I find the worst thing about it is other people sticking their oar in and saying things like "There'll be one along soon for you", "Careful you don't turn into an old cat lady", "You should try online dating/get out more/take a nightclass". Society's attitude that you need to be in a couple to be a "success" stinks.

At the moment, after two bad long-term relationships where I completely got lost, I am enjoying being single. The old me is coming back. Two years out of the last relationship which was very toxic indeed my self-esteem is coming back and my old spark and humour (which I thought were gone for ever) are back.

I'm loving being single now. I can't imagine being in a long-term relationship again but I'm 44 so still time for things to change. I recently met someone who I really fancied and who would be the sort of person I would like to be with BUT I don't think I'm ready and anyway, I'm enjoying this time so much.

When I'm single I have way more get up and go and I explore more and have more adventures. Corona has put that to a stop temporarily but I was having a great time doing what I want and going where I want.
I've got lots of hobbies and lots of friends all over the place to have fun with.
My flat is mine and is clean and tidy and doesn't have someone else's mess in it. It's quiet and relaxing and I can recharge my batteries here.

I miss snogging and shagging but in my last relationship that was going down the pan anyway.
I enjoy meeting new people and having little flirtations without feeling guilty about horrible, grumpy, unsuitable partner at home.

Being single is what you make of it really. Some people hate it. I love it!

Was single for 4 years, after recovering from the end of the relationship I embraced all sorts, I learnt to play the drums, I took a course and forged really close relationships with friends. I was never in as was always socialising, going on theatre trips, gigs, comedy clubs (Oh those heady days...remember them before lockdown?). I embraced OLD too just to build my confidence back and really enjoyed that. I ate when I want, watched what I wanted and in the end the loneliness went, the sadness went and I was very happy. Indulged in a FWB scenario which helped me really get over the ex. I have a partner now that is an LDR so I have the best of both worlds now.... a lot of my single traits as I live on my own but with the attachment of someone else who lives far away. Don't stay in a relationship just because you are scared to be single.

Oh wow this is all so inspiring! Thank you!

@stschiap yes yes re snogging and shagging and it’s def going down the pan also hence my thinking ‘why am I putting myself through a lot of stress and discomfort with second blended families etc when I am feeling many times we are together how glad I am it’s not all the time ‘

I love being single, still have my fun with men here and there!!
Dont feel I need them for anything anymore, had my kids and experienced marriage so ticked them off my list
Love being single and focusing on my self and kids rather than pandering to a man!!

The Greek word to describe a single relationship status is the same as the word for freedom. I think that's a much healthier outlook.

This post has come at a great time for me. I'm a year into being single and am struggling with loneliness at the moment. Covid has made things difficult so its great to read the comments above about all the things I can look forward to when life is normal again. I do enjoy not tidying up after anyone else, no inlaws, doing as I please etc but sadly that isn't outweighing the desire for company. OP I hope you enjoy it if that's what you decide

Like a pp I was single for about a decade apart from some short lived flings before I met my DH.
I was quite happy, so much so that when it started getting serious with my DH, who I love and who treats me very well, I was a bit wistful that my single life was slipping away.
Of course there were times when leaving a night out I felt lonely as I was either out with couples going home together or friends going home to their DP.
But the next morning when I got up when ready, ate what I wanted and spent the day how it suited me that feeling changed to relief..
I also think knowing I was happy single is part of the reason I'm with someone who treats me well now.
I don't put up with things for a quiet life or see certain compromises as part of the trade off for being in a relationship.
Just being in a relationship isn't the goal for me, being happy is.
You do need to put effort into friendships though, that makes a big difference.
Even within a relationship I need my friends/family to bring interest, fun and love into my life.

I really enjoyed it. I had my own house, was ok financially and had lots of good friends and mates.

I have a sociable hobby too which helps. I would try and schedule things in so I didn't spend too much time on my own, but sometimes if I went away with friends for a long weekend, I'd be so happy to be home alone after, as much as I might have enjoyed myself.

You do become really quite selfish too as you don't ever have to consider anyone's feelings in the house, I could sit in my pjs all day if I wanted, read or watch what I wanted, eat what I wanted. Tbh it was great!

I spent 10 years living alone, I had a few partners over the years but only causal. Looking back I don't remember ever being overly sad or lonely and I did have a whale of a time.

I think that's a lit if the reason what I'm happy with a partner now, I know that I'm fine on my own so being with someone is a choice I make, plus you get to know 'you' what you like and don't like. I know it's corny but you do need to love yourself first