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Original poster

Not invited to Parter's Christmas

436 replies

drinkribeina · 27/11/2020 18:18

I may be being unreasonable here, and if so then please say!

Been with DP 3 years, both have kids, none together. We don't live together.

Every year DP spends Christmas Day at his Mums, with his older sister and her partner. I usually go to my parents. This year they have said they do not want me to go as my Dad is elderly and they are worried about catching Covid.

I will be spending Christmas Day on my own. My DP has not invited me to his Mum's for the day (I get on very well with his family and do an awful lot for his Mum). His Dad died a few years back.

Am I wrong for thinking it would be nice for DP to invite me to spend it with him and his family rather than let me spend it alone?

OP posts:
LondonlovesLola · 28/11/2020 07:08

Have you got his present at your house?
If so, return it (or sell it on) and give his sister her share of the money back.
Dump him OP.
He is not a nice person.

sapnupuas · 28/11/2020 07:15

Say you're keeping the PS5 so you've got something to do on Christmas Day.

Windmillwhirl · 28/11/2020 07:49

This is truly awful. Is he jealous of your friendship with his mum? I can't understand why having you there is such a problem. Either way, I'd be so hurt by his attitude I would leave over this. Of all days and after such a terrible year for everyone he would leave you out. Appalling

seven201 · 28/11/2020 08:21

You need to treat this as a wake up call that it is. He obviously does not care about you. Return the games console and refund the sister. It does sound like he wants you there Xmas Eve so he gets the present. You deserve someone who actually gives a shit about you. You'd be better off without him. Thanks

netstaller · 28/11/2020 08:23

The one way you are going to truly know where you stand is to just ask outright say "I don't want to spend Christmas Day on my own. You're my boyfriend and I get on really well with your mum, can I spend it with you guys please?" If he still says no he's a prick and I'd break up with him as he ultimately doesn't care about you really. Him not wanting to talk about is isn't fair on you. Don't have any preamble just be direct and come straight out with it. Over text if you prefer and see what happens. If he fobbs you off he doesn't really love you or he wouldn't want you to spend it on your own. Better to know the truth

netstaller · 28/11/2020 08:27

Stick his present on FB marketplace or ebay and put it towards something special for yourself. You already know OP he's not worth you. Raise your standards and respect yourself

PaterPower · 28/11/2020 08:37

I echo the PPs who are suggesting you flog the console, give his Sister her contribution back and then bin this guy off.

You’ve not posted anything, to date, which would suggest he’s worth having in your life, and that’s regardless of whether you eventually get him to issue an invite for Christmas lunch. He’s a user - why do you want one of those in your life?

ArtemisBean · 28/11/2020 08:38

Why do so many women put up with arseholes like this? Why?? It beggars belief.

ILikeStrongTea · 28/11/2020 08:41

Do you know what he’s got you for Christmas?

wishywashywoowoo70 · 28/11/2020 08:42

God this is so sad. He sounds totally heartless.

I agree with others here. Sell or return the console and yourself something fabulous instead. Accept the fact you'll be alone on Christmas Day and plan nice things for yourself.

I wouldn't go now anyway the damage would be done.

Dump his sorry ass and definitely don't go there Christmas Eve.

nimbuscloud · 28/11/2020 08:43

Do you not feel you can do better than this man? If you don’t feel that, and if any man is better than no man, then stay with him.

cansu · 28/11/2020 08:48

Personally I would either

  1. Pull back from giving him much of your time and that includes helping out his mum etc. He is telling you that he doesn't see you as part of his family so why should you act like your are? Think about finding someone else who values you more.
  2. Tell him how angry you are and that you don't want to see him anymore.
drspouse · 28/11/2020 08:49

Ring his mum and tell her you'll miss her loads.
Tell him you won't.

LadyEloise · 28/11/2020 08:54

Oh my word.
What a catch.

What did he give you for Christmas last year and the year before ?

SeasonFinale · 28/11/2020 09:12

If knows he is getting the PS5 for Christmas that is why you are invited for Christmas Eve and that alone I am afraid.

Return the PS5.

Rethink the relationship.

pompey38 · 28/11/2020 09:26

LizzyELane- no , he wouldn’t, that is what you like to believe but it won’t be happening.

LookingForDeeplyDo · 28/11/2020 09:33

@drinkribeina

I've already bought him his Xmas present Sad
Sell it 😊
GoodbyeToCare · 28/11/2020 09:33

I agree with the majority OP. Please dump this guy. If you're getting him a PS5 what is he getting for you? At a guess something that requires no thought and little expense.

EarthSight · 28/11/2020 09:34

@drinkribeina

I may be being unreasonable here, and if so then please say!

Been with DP 3 years, both have kids, none together. We don't live together.

Every year DP spends Christmas Day at his Mums, with his older sister and her partner. I usually go to my parents. This year they have said they do not want me to go as my Dad is elderly and they are worried about catching Covid.

I will be spending Christmas Day on my own. My DP has not invited me to his Mum's for the day (I get on very well with his family and do an awful lot for his Mum). His Dad died a few years back.

Am I wrong for thinking it would be nice for DP to invite me to spend it with him and his family rather than let me spend it alone?

Unless I'm missing some information here, the fact your DP hasn't invited you is beyond thoughtless. It's strange even. Are you even an item? Are you his serious partner or does he still think of you along casual terms?
Otter71 · 28/11/2020 09:35

If you do lots for his mum you obviously get on well with her. Have you told her that you would be left alone for Xmas? Maybe tell her and see if she invites. If not personally I would be explaining to your do how left out and upset you feel and if he still doesn't get it, ask him straight who is going that he doesn't want you to meet and see where that goes. He may just be being thick...

LadyEloise · 28/11/2020 09:35

What age is he @drinkribeina ?

gamerchick · 28/11/2020 09:44

@drinkribeina

Yes it's one of the new games consoles. He does know he's getting it for Christmas.
You've went to a lot of trouble for him, he doesn't see you the same way OP. Sell the console (should be easy enough) and give his sister back what she contributed and start next hear looking for someone less selfish.

He's not giving you any thoughts, has you way down his list of priorities. Bin him off.

borntohula · 28/11/2020 09:45

Why is everyone suggesting all these drastic solutions over just actually asking him why you're not invited?

ZenNudist · 28/11/2020 09:51

Sell the console. Do it now and you will get a good price. Give his dsis the money back.

Then rethink your relationship. You are not this man's priority. Sounds like he is his own first priority. This won't magically change. Ask yourself if you are happy to be second best. Some people just need a partner and are happy to settle. No one is perfect so maybe you get enough out of this relationship to put up with shit like this.

To be blunt I think he is cruel and uncaring, selfish and using you. Worse: Dont be surprised when he eventually ditches you for someone else. He doesn't respect you, and if you accept this treatment you show him you don't think you deserve respect. Put your foot down. Either he treats you as family or you end it.

And if you do decide to overlook this Please stop the meals and helping out his mum.

Plus why is the mum not making sure you are invited?

ZenNudist · 28/11/2020 09:55

I didn't see it was a PS5! definitely sell you will make a profit!

Many people on mumsnet want one.

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