Not invited to Parter's Christmas

[drinkribeina]

I may be being unreasonable here, and if so then please say!

Been with DP 3 years, both have kids, none together. We don't live together.

Every year DP spends Christmas Day at his Mums, with his older sister and her partner. I usually go to my parents. This year they have said they do not want me to go as my Dad is elderly and they are worried about catching Covid.

I will be spending Christmas Day on my own. My DP has not invited me to his Mum's for the day (I get on very well with his family and do an awful lot for his Mum). His Dad died a few years back.

Am I wrong for thinking it would be nice for DP to invite me to spend it with him and his family rather than let me spend it alone?

Guarantee he only wants you to come Xmas eve so he can get his gift, then spend the next day gaming and being fed by his mum.

He wants his PS5 for Christmas, but he’d rather not have you.

What an absolute arse!!!!! So he knows you'll be all alone and yet he thinks kicking you out before the dinner is ok???
Yeah right! I'd be telling him where to fuck off!

What did he get you for your birthday this year and Christmas last year OP? It's hard to stop being generous and thoughtful when it's your nature to treat people. This man doesn't appreciate it or deserve it.

Also what future is there with a man who has plainly said that he will never not spend Christmas with his mum? You are not a priority in his life - not even close to the top of the list. 3 years wasted on this loser!! Give yourself a wonderful Christmas present of getting rid of him. New year, new life and a new attitude - one where you recognise your worth and that you deserve so so much better than this!

Stop being such a mug OP. He's a selfish, part time cocklodger.

He wants you at his mum's on Xmas eve to get a shag and his expensive gift - then you can fuck off Xmas morning while mummy cooks his din dins.

In with CoraPirbright on this.
Don't do anything else for him or his family.
Look forward to a better year next year Op.
Start to think of yoursrlf, sell the gifts you have bought him and save the money for something nice for yourself. Perhaps some luxury items or save it for a trip away when time permits.

@borntohula

Why is everyone suggesting all these drastic solutions over just actually asking him why you're not invited?

Because the thought/regret wasn't even there?

He's horrible

@Otter71

If you do lots for his mum you obviously get on well with her. Have you told her that you would be left alone for Xmas? Maybe tell her and see if she invites. If not personally I would be explaining to your do how left out and upset you feel and if he still doesn't get it, ask him straight who is going that he doesn't want you to meet and see where that goes. He may just be being thick...

Her relationship is with him, not his mum.

If her supposed boyfriend/partner doesn't want her there why would she ask his mum if she could go? How needy/pathetic would that look?

She just needs to dump him.

What have I just read?? This is not how someone who cares about you treats you. You cant let him get away with this and certainly don't give him the ps5! What has he got you? Have you asked him why he doesnt want to spend Christmas day with you? How old is he? So many questions!

@AdoraBell

As he will always spend Christmas with his mum and never with anyone else’s house, have a relaxing day for yourself.

Do whatever food you want, get up late if you like, spend hours in a bubble bath, go for a walk, sit in your PJs, etc.

Stop doing things for his mum, he can do that.

Don’t have a child with him. He has told you that what he wants is the only thing that’s important. He will leave you and a baby/toddler/young child behind when he trots off for Christmas at his mum’s.

The world revolves around him. In your shoes I would think hard about spending 20/40 years in this relationship.

This with fucking Christmas bells on!!!

Invite his mum to your house for the day

Seriously though, return the games consol now while it's at the same price, give the sil any money she contributed back. If you give it to him it will annoy you for years!

I bet your gift isn't as good...

@drinkribeina Do you know what you're getting from him for Christmas? With how you have spoken about this absolute tosspot, I can guess that it is NOTHING as desirable or expensive as the PS5 is to him. You'll be lucky to get a Boots Soap and Glory set. And it'll probably be the freebie from the buy two get a third free offer if they still do that! Normally I go with "It's the thought that counts" and not the value but with this guy? You're will be an insult in comparison.

If it's not too late, tell SIL that it hasn't arrived. It's disappeared during delivery just like the thousands of others have I'm reading about lately. Give her her money back so she can either attempt to get him one herself or buy him something else.

Sorry Op but I'm another one for the LTB chorus. Try and put your emotions to one side and look at this clearly, hard I know. He has shown you who he is, he is the man who wants his own way and that's the end of it, he's already said he'll never change. Do you really want someone who will put themselves first always and if you don't like it he won't even talk about it? Christmas is irrelevant, it's one day, but it's a perfect example of the kind of person he is. I fhink a kind, generous person like you could do much, much better

@Timeflyin

What have I just read?? This is not how someone who cares about you treats you. You cant let him get away with this and certainly don't give him the ps5! What has he got you? Have you asked him why he doesnt want to spend Christmas day with you? How old is he? So many questions!

I know right, you’d not send anyone away Xmas morning to spend the day on their own, even if you couldn’t stand them,

But he’s like “fuck off, not my problem, go see if your mate will have you”. And there’s the op spending a small fortune on him and thinking of even going Xmas eve so she can be with him, like that’s her consolation prize. It’s just so humiliating.

Don't give him a PS5, my gut feeling is that he's using you or not fully committed to your relationship.

It doesn't sound like he likes you very much, but you also don't seem to mind

borntohula She did ask him already. She says he shuts down and won’t have a conversation about it ( or any other tricky subject).
You can read all the Ops posts by clicking “See all” at the bottom of the opening post.

@DennisWaterman

It doesn't sound like he likes you very much, but you also don't seem to mind

Pretty much this.

So he wants you to g to his mum’s Christmas Eve, so he gets his games console from you on Christmas.
Then you’re meant to go back home to an empty house and sort out some sort of Christmas for yourself alone.

Many years ago when I was about eighteen I worked in a shop as weekend sales assistant. The manager also late teens had a girlfriend he was vocal about wanting to dump but was staying with till after valentines as she’d got him a designer watch.

You do deserve better.

Selling it would be tempting but even better would be to cut him off now and block. Only to unblock Christmas morning to send a picture of my feet up in front of the TV with the PS5 controller on my lap and a big thumbs up emoji.

You deserve so much more OP. Be good to yourself.

@TokenGinger

Decline his offer of staying Christmas Eve. Tell him your DC's dad has offered for you to go and spend Christmas there so you're not alone

This!

His response would be interesting

Your partner sounds thoroughly unpleasant. He only wants you over on Christmas Eve so he can get his greedy paws on the PS5. Fuck him. I would stick it on ebay. You will sell it easily and get a good price for it. Give SIL back any contribution she has made and bin him.

Wow, every update made the OP's partner/relationship seem worse and worse.

OP admitting that he's selfish generally is even more of a death knell than the Xmas situation. Why are you with a man whose selfishness is such a dominant character trait?

I'm really sad for you, OP. You're worth more.
You should be your DP's priority, not an option.