Accused of cheating - beginning of Relationship

[Lalata]

Hi everyone, I met a great guy About a month ago. He brings me flowers, open doors, he is very affectionate and really into me. I like him a lot too. However, last time I saw him he wasn’t as affectionate as he usually is so I send him a message later on asking if he is ok and his reply was that he is very sorry, but he has a feeling I cheated. And that it’s probably irrational and it’s his insecurities, but he is not sure he can get over it. I’m shocked. I didn’t cheat of course. What now? It’s so strange! We will talk about it tonight as he is coming for dinner. But I’m kind of freaked out

@OwlOne

Wow, he has a feeling you cheated! What the hell are you supposed to say to that 🤔

the beginnings of coercive behaviour I suspect... making OP feel bad so she changes her behaviour to accommodate his insecurities ... hopefully she'll see through this 🌺

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Sorry your thread got derailed by weird personal grievances that make no sense OP

Seconded.

[quote Eckhart]@youvegottenminuteslynn

Sorry your thread got derailed by weird personal grievances that make no sense OP

Seconded.[/quote]
OP Apologies for this nonsense ... 🙄

You are apologising to OP for what I'm saying?

Wow. Leave me alone!

@Eckhart

You are apologising to OP for what I'm saying?

Wow. Leave me alone!

STOP responding ...

you said you would stop yet you continue to refer to me in your posts.. I am asking you to STOP

You will get the poor troubled man routine. He doesn't deserve you. Blah blah blah. Any apology will be like "I am sorry I was hurt in the past" or "I'm sorry I love you so much so soon." Big strong hot you will reassure the poor man, he will pour out his heart about his troubled childhood and crazy exes and after a whole evening of it being all about him, he will love bomb you all next week so you dismiss the enormous deal breaker of a red flag as not really him. Beware how they manipulate you into letting them stay in your life, have you make excuses for them.

Watch yourself for paying lip service to being a woman with strong boundaries even as he is standing on the wrong side of several of your boundaries eyeing up the next one, which you tell yourself will really be the deal breaker just like you said before he trampled your other boundaries.

Maintaining boundaries requires more action, less scolding. So far your actions say "Ah I see you have pushed through a boundary, nvm let's hang out together."

Haha @Eckhart now the back and forth is allowed to stop apparently, because @BlueThistles has deemed it so in their infinite wisdom.

You don't get to say somebody is talking bullshit, and then tell them to stop responding to you. You're bullying. You're being the thread police. You don't get to tell people what or when they can post. You are not in charge of me, my posts, or the thread.

All I've done is mention Donald Trump, in the context of the conversation, and then continually defend myself against your non-sensical ravings, and now you're telling me to shut up. If I shut up it won't be because you've told me to, it'll be because I walk away from crap when I've had enough.

Please, I invite you to have the last word. Enjoy it.

Thanks, @youvegottenminuteslynn, it's nice to know there's someone else out there raising a single eyebrow at this!

Sorry OP, that's sounds really disappointing. Have to say: whole lot of crazy going on on this thread in response to what sounds like a pretty vanilla case of emotional fuckwittage she said speedily lunging for cover behind the sofa

@Eckhart

You don't get to say somebody is talking bullshit, and then tell them to stop responding to you. You're bullying. You're being the thread police. You don't get to tell people what or when they can post. You are not in charge of me, my posts, or the thread.

All I've done is mention Donald Trump, in the context of the conversation, and then continually defend myself against your non-sensical ravings, and now you're telling me to shut up. If I shut up it won't be because you've told me to, it'll be because I walk away from crap when I've had enough.

Please, I invite you to have the last word. Enjoy it.

Behave 🤣

You tried to drag politics onto someone's Thread ...

@nearlynermal

I think you'll be ok if you don't mention Donald Trump or murder.

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Haha *@Eckhart* now the back and forth is allowed to stop apparently, because *@BlueThistles* has deemed it so in their infinite wisdom.

Eckhart refuses to respond then just keeps on responding... 🤔 go figure

@Eckhart

Both eyebrows now... very strange behaviour!

[quote Eckhart]@nearlynermal

I think you'll be ok if you don't mention Donald Trump or murder.[/quote]
any politician ...

Run!
If he's like that now.after only 4 weeks, what will he be like after 4 months or 4 years etc. That is a huge huge red flag and you shouldn't be with someone like that!

Jesus, what's going on on this thread

I think, regardless, even, of why OP is feeling freaked out, the fact that he has freaked her out so early in the relationship is a red flag in itself. At the very very least, a freak out at this early stage would indicate incompatibility.

There's a new MN feature where you can get a visual summary of a thread. Here's this thread:

Can we draw a line under the derailing and bring the focus back to the OP, please? We'd rather not delete the thread.

Thanks all

It's absolutely no fun at all to be with someone who is constantly paranoid you're cheating. You'll find yourself editing your behaviour to stop him from worrying - and it'll affect your life negatively as you'll be on edge about what you can and can't do.

Honestly, you've not been with him very long, so cut your ties now before your feelings strengthen for this guy.

Fiona, I hear you, but just have to say @StrippedFridge that's hilarious.

Sounds like a test to me. If you pander to it and creep to him or ask him why he thinks that then he will gain power by 'forgiving you' 'letting it go' and then tighten the strings further. Id walk away right now.

Even if it is real-he has issues and this would happen periodically every few months for the duration of the relationship if it has happened already. This should be the honeymoon period. With you slowly doing less and less things to avoid triggering him and walking on eggshells.

Op
Please listen to what the majority of Posters are saying !!!

You do not want to end up being a victim of domestic abuse..!!!

what's happened to you is straight from the emotional manipulator head fuck book of how to coercive,
Basically finding out whether you will be Compliant to being emotionally abused, later on it can definitely lead on to sexual/physical /financial abuse..

Watch this. www.channel4.com/programmes/i-am
What he's doing to you is how it starts.