Accused of cheating - beginning of Relationship

[Lalata]

Hi everyone, I met a great guy About a month ago. He brings me flowers, open doors, he is very affectionate and really into me. I like him a lot too. However, last time I saw him he wasn’t as affectionate as he usually is so I send him a message later on asking if he is ok and his reply was that he is very sorry, but he has a feeling I cheated. And that it’s probably irrational and it’s his insecurities, but he is not sure he can get over it. I’m shocked. I didn’t cheat of course. What now? It’s so strange! We will talk about it tonight as he is coming for dinner. But I’m kind of freaked out

And let the controlling commence.... run OP

Lots of people suggesting cancel the dinner but it seems like you are not going to do that. Why come on here and not take the advice when everyone can see that you are putting yourself at risk, for what? The hope that’ll he’ll apologise? Of course he will, men like that are always apologetic afterwards, and it might be another month or a year before he does it again but he will, and it’ll be worse next time.

Why are you cooking him dinner!!
Please get rid. This is only the start and it will get much worse!

He 'has a feeling you cheated'? What kind of deranged thing is that to say? Cut your losses now and be glad he's shown his true colours before you got deeper in. There is just no reason for this other than someone having serious issues.

DUMP HIM NOW

@Mermaidwaves

Red flag!!!! He has no evidence, just a feeling He will try and control you OP and he sounds paranoid and insecure. You will end up walking on eggshells to not upset him.

Hills are that way, start running.

I agree with this 100%.

It sounds like you've met my ex husband, this is exactly how his mindfuckery began. I was too inexperienced with abusive partners to know this is how it starts.. the next 15 years were hell. He lied, cheated frequently, was vile to our children as well as me, we all lived on eggshells. The thing that kept me there all that time was his weird twisted way of being lovely and affectionate in between his arse hole outbursts, an it pretty much always ended up being me blamed for his shitty behaviour. I was an appalling wife according to him, an his false accusations of my " affairs" left me constantly drained, and proving that I wasn't having any.
And the pathetic pick me dance I've done, when the other women appeared out the woodwork, an he sat back happily watching us both want to be with him. He loved it.. When you understand red flags and narcissism, it's a real eye opener.

If this man is behaving like this now I'd run for the fucking hills. I'm still rebuilding myself 10 years after I left him, was a shell of myself thanks to him.

Lucky for you he's waved the huge flaming Red Flag early in the game. These types are not just unhinged and abusive, but dangerous. The stages are: 1. love-bomb, 2. devalue (silent treatment, gaslighting, accusations, triangulation, manufacturing flights), 3. discard (dumps, cheats) ... then back to love-bomb and new cycle begins.

That jerk doesn't love you. He's an emotional predator.

@DrMorbius

In terms of red flags think of Tiananmen Square on May day.

Absolutely this. There's something very wrong with him, don't stick around to find out what.

I'll bet he's the one who's cheated.

I really wouldn’t bother to cook for this loser.

He'll apologise. He'll say he's sorry, he's just really insecure due to how badly he's been treated in the past. He'll say its just because he's never met anyone like you before, anyone who's made him feel this way, who's so perfect for him in every way.
He'll say he just needs some reassurance from you that you're not going to cheat. Slowly slowly you change your behavior so as not to upset him.
You end up apologising to him.
Don't even bother with dinner.

Sounds like DD’s ex . Love bombed her at first then started accusing her of cheating ( she wasn’t) , made her stop wearing make up, threw out most of her clothes and she was too afraid to meet friends or family . And it escalated . Horrendous.
Eventually managed to break free thanks to WA and Police.
I would advise you to dump him .

Oh he too was “ insecure “ because he had been cheated on .

Have you had a discussion to agree you are going to have an exclusive committed relationship? Surely after 4 weeks you’re free to see whomever you like?

Oh good grief OP, imagine how it will be if you continue this. Get out now.

@Daydreamsinglorioustechnicolor

He'll apologise. He'll say he's sorry, he's just really insecure due to how badly he's been treated in the past. He'll say its just because he's never met anyone like you before, anyone who's made him feel this way, who's so perfect for him in every way. He'll say he just needs some reassurance from you that you're not going to cheat. Slowly slowly you change your behavior so as not to upset him. You end up apologising to him. Don't even bother with dinner.

This

Seriously don’t waste your time. If he’s got issues he should be alone and deal with them.

Run. He’s going to be a nightmare.

I wish I had understood this when I was younger.

After 4 weeks are you even exclusive? My guess would be that he has seen someone else (or has sexted/ similar) and is projecting.

Oh God, just bin him now.
There is no good future for you with him I GUARANTEE!

And block his number too.

don't talk about it because it'll be your fault he's 'fallen madly in love with you and he doesn't want to get hurt, just admit what you've done and he'll forgive you' kiss kiss and dtd, few weeks later you're pregnant, oh, bye love, don't bother trying to contact me, it's probably not my kid anyway.

ffs phone him, cancel dinner, it's over, don't let him talk you round

@Lalata in your shoes I'd probably see him again to get some closure, and you should be pleased you realised quickly something was wrong. Really odd behaviour from him unless you've left out a massive back story.

Some posters seem to live perfect lives....

Don’t talk... RUN

what closure do you need from a 'relationship' that has lasted all of 30 odd days ?

Sounds insane. Head the warning and move on before you become over invested or he gets your confidence down.