Accused of cheating - beginning of Relationship

[Lalata]

Hi everyone, I met a great guy About a month ago. He brings me flowers, open doors, he is very affectionate and really into me. I like him a lot too. However, last time I saw him he wasn’t as affectionate as he usually is so I send him a message later on asking if he is ok and his reply was that he is very sorry, but he has a feeling I cheated. And that it’s probably irrational and it’s his insecurities, but he is not sure he can get over it. I’m shocked. I didn’t cheat of course. What now? It’s so strange! We will talk about it tonight as he is coming for dinner. But I’m kind of freaked out

You're not looking for a nice guy who thinks you're a cheater, so whether he is a nice guy or not isn't really relevant. Maybe he is. Nice people can do weird stuff when they feel insecure. But you're looking for a nice guy who doesn't do weird stuff. He has proved himself not to be what you're looking for.

Well done OP you want an equal to rub along with and share life with- not someone who either tries to keep you down with EA ( at best) or someone who wants you to mother or rescue them. Whatever is going on in his head sounded like he needs counselling not a girlfriend - well done for getting rid, there are some balanced people out there, in the meantime you are definitely better off on your own

You've done the right thing.

Well done OP.

Well done.

How did he take it when you ended it?

Well done @Lalata

You did the right thing. You cannot reason with somebody who tells you what you think.

He would have continued to accuse you of doing things that only exist in his head and you would end up apologizing and grovelling for things that never happened. He would have been a complete headfuck.

Apart from the bizarre detailing nonsense about Donald Trump (who does indeed think he's god's gift!) I'm really pleased that the thread had a positive outcome. OP you've made the right choice, even if it doesn't feel that way right now

How did you end it? Did you tell him on the date or over the phone afterwards? How did he take it?

I told him on a date. He didn’t take it seriously asking me over messages after if we can just be friends and see if we can fix it with time. So I told him no and blocked him
. Still heartbroken a bit-but with so many supportive messages from all of you-I think my decision was right.

Oh that's a great update OP! you'd have found yourself pandering to his issues over and over again otherwise.

@walksonthebeach

I hope you're not still pining after the awful man you dated?

@TwentyViginti

Oh that's a great update OP! you'd have found yourself pandering to his issues over and over again otherwise.

@walksonthebeach

I hope you're not still pining after the awful man you dated?

I think you have me confused with somebody else? 🤔

Possibly, walksonthebeach. Apologies!

It will hurt for a bit, but that will pass and then I think you will realise that you have had a lucky escape from this one.

I think that's the right call. He said it happened because he was 'a bit down' - it would put you on eggshells wondering if his mood was dipping and if that would result in another accusation. Imagine feeling you ought to explain where you'd been or what doing, even though you shouldn't have to, because that might help stop him becoming so depressed. He alluded to whether 'we' could fix it but you had nothing to fix. You'd done nothing wrong. This is his issue and he needs to work on it, not expect others to do that work for him. He should have been promising he'd do whatever it took and would never say something so awful again as an absolute minimum.

You did great the right thing OP. I wish I had Mumsnet when I was in an emotionally abusive relationship when I was very young.

Run. Irrational jealousy is potentially deadly.

Dump him.

Do not be persuaded to go back.

He won't change.

Block and keep an eye out for 'coincidental' meetings.

Good on you op. And for saying no to 'friendship' too. I dont want a pal that accuses me of being a cheat. Not to mention, someone that wants something more is not a friend, they are someone that wants something more.

Hopefully he leaves you tf alone now!

Red flag. Deranged. Cut him loose. Don't get dragged into trying to understand his 'issues'...

@Lalata

I told him on a date. He didn’t take it seriously asking me over messages after if we can just be friends and see if we can fix it with time. So I told him no and blocked him . Still heartbroken a bit-but with so many supportive messages from all of you-I think my decision was right.

It’s natural to feel sad for what you has and what you thought was developing now being gone.

But just keep in mind that he invented in his head that you had cheated and then punished you for it by withholding attention And affection.

When you queried his behaviour he told you that he didn’t think he could get past it.

That isn’t a nice guy or even the one you thought you knew. That’s so wine will I g to fuck with your head and it would t have been the last time he did it.

*someone willing to fuck

So glad u used ur head! U have dodged a major bullet /abusive man x