Accused of cheating - beginning of Relationship

[Lalata]

Hi everyone, I met a great guy About a month ago. He brings me flowers, open doors, he is very affectionate and really into me. I like him a lot too. However, last time I saw him he wasn’t as affectionate as he usually is so I send him a message later on asking if he is ok and his reply was that he is very sorry, but he has a feeling I cheated. And that it’s probably irrational and it’s his insecurities, but he is not sure he can get over it. I’m shocked. I didn’t cheat of course. What now? It’s so strange! We will talk about it tonight as he is coming for dinner. But I’m kind of freaked out

You’re making a huge mistake, OP. Huge.

OP, ignore the fact that he's bald and chubby and therefore must be a potential serial killer (according to a pp), and focus on whether a relationship that starts with him accusing you of cheating based on nothing but a feeling is the right fit for you. If he's this hard work to start with then it's only going to get worse.

You are already making excuses for him. I normally roll my eyes at threads where posters shout about red flags but this time I am in complete agreement. Walk away now.

Some guys take a beautiful girl and hide her away from the rest of the world.

My friend was seeing a man like this. He didn't accuse her of cheating but a few weeks in started acting suspicious about her socialising and so on.
He ended up being a paranoid wanker who was constantly accusing her of everything.
He made out that he was like that because his ex had cheated on him but by the time my friend split up with him she was so worn down that she wondered had his ex actually cheated on him at all or had he been just been paranoid the whole time....or did he actually drive her to it because he wore her down so much and made her feel so bad about herself that she found comfort in the arms of another?

It's definitely a massive red flag!

@Blobson

OP, ignore the fact that he's bald and chubby and therefore must be a potential serial killer (according to a pp), and focus on whether a relationship that starts with him accusing you of cheating based on nothing but a feeling is the right fit for you. If he's this hard work to start with then it's only going to get worse.

I think you misunderstood PP, they meant that someone being bald / chubby / whatever doesn't make them more or less likely to be manipulative - that manipulative people come in all shapes and sizes. PP wasn't (in my opinion) saying that someone being bald/ chubby etc makes them any more likely to be bad news at all!

@Blobson

I think the point was that being overweight doesn't preclude being a abuser/having low self esteem.

Not that fat bald men are all abusive!

Assuming he isn't insecure and he is trying to control you, you made the mistake of letting him come over. He needed a short, sharp shock. As soon as he said that, you should have said, "I see. Consider dinner cancelled." No more contact. He could explain himself in a public place over a 10 minute coffee.

Nope. There is no coming back from this. It is doomed. He has lovebomed you and is now moving to the control part of his abuse strategy. You do not know this man. He will tell you he can’t help it he just can’t believe what you see in him he’s so insecure bla bla bla and before you know it YOU are the one comforting HIM. Accept this behaviour now and it will only get worse. He is an abuser in the making. Please trust me on this.

Also, Philip Green is a short, fat, balding man. Look at what a twatty narcissist he is.

Nah, you don’t need this. I definitely wouldn’t be changing by behaviour or apologising. This is deranged behaviour. Who does this?!

Give your head a shake

@DianaT1969

Assuming he isn't insecure and he is trying to control you, you made the mistake of letting him come over. He needed a short, sharp shock. As soon as he said that, you should have said, "I see. Consider dinner cancelled." No more contact. He could explain himself in a public place over a 10 minute coffee.

This is a great point. You've now taught him that your response to a completely fucking outrageous accusation is for plans to go ahead, for him to come to your home, to have a talk. To indulge nasty, baseless accusations rather than drawing clear boundaries. Bad move.

I think id message that i appreciated him telling me that he didnt think his insecurity was compatible with a relationship, as clearly youre not prepared to be accused of cheating based on absolutely nothing, and that its been fun and you wish him well for his future

Run away and don't look back!

Donald Trump is all kinds of failings, physically, psychologically, emotionally, but he still thinks he's god's gift.

What the fuck !?

okay... so did Bill Clinton... and John F Kennedy ... 🙄

Please run like the wind. My ex husband did this to me, I excused it at first partly because he flattered me by saying he couldn’t believe someone like me would be interested in someone like him. He was a wee bit chubby too. What followed was 7 years of hell. I so often wish that I could go back and tell my former self to get out after the first time.

This is how women are killed. Don't invite an irrational man you don't know into your home to confront. You don't owe him anything. Meet the arsehole in a park if you must.

I'm really worried about you having this prick over at yours.

For god's sake report back afterwards, to tell us that you're safe and you've sent him packing.

Guessing he will try to backtrack but really, theres no getting past what he has said surely.

Agree with pp, if you needed to meet him it really would have been wise to do it in public. He is clearly unstable.

@Lalata update please

@BlueThistles

Just an example of a very imperfect man who has enormously high self esteem, to counterpoint the suggestion that, because OP's bloke is fat and bald, he probably has low self esteem.

Did you not understand? Why 'What the fuck?!'? Did it upset you?

This is how women are killed. Don't invite an irrational man you don't know into your home to confront. You don't owe him anything. Meet the arsehole in a park if you must

Dramatic much?

Him: I have this weird feeling you slept with someone else.
OP: MURDERER!!!!!!!! RUN, EVERYBODY, RUN!!!!!

It’s so frustrating reading threads like this where the OP completely ignores the unanimous advice she’s been given, because the creepy bloke she posted about is apparently just too good not to keep running back to. Seriously OP you should really examine why you’re even entertaining this.

Sorry to be blunt but are you desperate for a man, any man? You’re meeting him because you’re desperate that he’ll give you a glimmer of a reason to ignore the good advice you’ve been given here. He probably will say just enough that sounds like an apology to convince you not to dump him, because at this point he’s testing your boundaries so will dial back as needed as he senses you’re not happy. But next time will be worse, and the time after that. But by then you’re even more invested and before you know it you’re in the long term abusive relationship that the ladies on here are warning you about.

Seriously, check your boundaries and cancel tonight. And raise your bar for next time. Sorry to be blunt but it’s just hard seeing this stuff play out.

[quote Eckhart]@BlueThistles

Just an example of a very imperfect man who has enormously high self esteem, to counterpoint the suggestion that, because OP's bloke is fat and bald, he probably has low self esteem.

Did you not understand? Why 'What the fuck?!'? Did it upset you?[/quote]
Bullshit

you were pulling politics into OP's personal problems

so yes ... WTF!?