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Original poster

Accused of cheating - beginning of Relationship

256 replies

Lalata · 27/11/2020 08:44

Hi everyone, I met a great guy About a month ago. He brings me flowers, open doors, he is very affectionate and really into me. I like him a lot too. However, last time I saw him he wasn’t as affectionate as he usually is so I send him a message later on asking if he is ok and his reply was that he is very sorry, but he has a feeling I cheatedShock. And that it’s probably irrational and it’s his insecurities, but he is not sure he can get over it. I’m shocked. I didn’t cheat of course. What now? It’s so strange! We will talk about it tonight as he is coming for dinner. But I’m kind of freaked out

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 27/11/2020 14:55

Cancel the dinner, the guy is a nut job. He feels you cheated based on nothing (maybe a dream lol) and he doesn't know if he can get over it? That's batshit. You know the guy a month and he's already showing crazy signs, let this one go seriously

Original poster
Lalata · 27/11/2020 17:04

He is still coming over but I’m not making dinner. And I will make it as short as possible. I will want him to explain himself and apologise. No way I will be the one apologising or promising anything. I know a lot of you are saying not to see him - but I feel like I should. I will keep all your comments in mind and don’t let any red flag slip through.

Also it’s hard for me to believe he is manipulative - my guess is that he has very low self esteem. He is short bold chubby guy (nothing wrong with that and obviously we are dating so I like him) who had 2 women in his life. On the other hand I am blond, tall, work out and have Other men interested in Me and sadly last time we were together in the pub and one of my past lovers walked in and went to say hi and when leaving wink at me (I haven’t seen him in over six months) So that didn’t leave the best impression. Hope that didn’t sound too shallow ...

OP posts:
SimonJT · 27/11/2020 17:07

My ex used to accuse me of cheating, looking back some of his ‘reasons’ were fantastic, funnily enough he was putting his penis in someone else.

Get rid.

boymum9 · 27/11/2020 17:09

Run away fast

Onthedunes · 27/11/2020 17:23

He doesn't think you have cheated.

It's the perfect get out clause for leading someone on and then doing a U turn, probably gone back to an ex or has met someone else.

Breaks it off and gets to look the victim.

Sorry

Divebar · 27/11/2020 17:26

I had an emotionally abusive boyfriend who kicked off because I had a small scratch on my bum cheek. No idea how I got it but as far as he was concerned it was evidence of my infidelity. It is in fact impossible to prove you haven’t done something. With the benefit of age & experience I can see it for the manipulative technique it was - he was full of them.

Marmozet · 27/11/2020 17:26

Be careful.

Bunnymumy · 27/11/2020 17:26

...I wouldnt want him knowing where I lived op. Not after his recent behaviour. Let alone be in a home alone with him.

And abusers come in all shapes and sizes. Insecurity is not an excuse to manipulate or insult other people. 95% of the time when you find yourself thinking 'oh well maybe he is just insecure', it's a big red flag.

Also op, did you take in the fact that he accused you of 'cheating' when you presumably aren't even official yet? Surely you can see how creepy that is?

Good luck anyway though. Stay safe!

MrsMarrio · 27/11/2020 17:30

What the fuck.

CodenameVillanelle · 27/11/2020 17:35

@Lalata

He is still coming over but I’m not making dinner. And I will make it as short as possible. I will want him to explain himself and apologise. No way I will be the one apologising or promising anything. I know a lot of you are saying not to see him - but I feel like I should. I will keep all your comments in mind and don’t let any red flag slip through.

Also it’s hard for me to believe he is manipulative - my guess is that he has very low self esteem. He is short bold chubby guy (nothing wrong with that and obviously we are dating so I like him) who had 2 women in his life. On the other hand I am blond, tall, work out and have Other men interested in Me and sadly last time we were together in the pub and one of my past lovers walked in and went to say hi and when leaving wink at me (I haven’t seen him in over six months) So that didn’t leave the best impression. Hope that didn’t sound too shallow ...

The fact that he probably sees himself as less attractive than you is more evidence that he's trying to destroy your confidence. You'll be totally stupid to see him in person.
firecracker69 · 27/11/2020 17:37

It doesn't sound like you're taking onboard the advice given here. You have have already let the biggest red flag slip through.... you're letting him into your house after he's accused you of cheating. I can only imagine what he will be like in a few months, if he's like this after a few weeks.

HollowTalk · 27/11/2020 17:40

You'd be insane to continue to see this man. He probably will apologise, when he realises that you're might dump him. He'll panic and blame something in his past.

He was in a bad mood and instead of looking at his own life to find out why, he turned to you and blamed you.

He knows you're out of his league and knows you could get someone else without a problem. He blames you for that.

There's no future with a miserable bastard like this.

Daydreamsinglorioustechnicolor · 27/11/2020 17:40

You think he's got low self esteem rather than being manipulative. It doesn't matter the reason, its still controlling.
Let us know how it goes OP if you are still going to see him.

McRibpain · 27/11/2020 17:43

Crack on, op. You've been warned.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 27/11/2020 17:43

Seriously, 4 pages of people telling you the same thing.
Why the buggery did you post.

Marmozet · 27/11/2020 17:47

What is this feeling you're cheating based on? A person or something? Would help if we knew OP.

BeanieB2020 · 27/11/2020 17:50

My ex did this and it turns out they were cheating on me.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 27/11/2020 17:51

Also it’s hard for me to believe he is manipulative - my guess is that he has very low self esteem.

Low self esteem is what drives many people to be manipulative.

Manipulative doesn't always mean charming handsome wanker, it often means insecure, intense wanker.

An ex of yours winking at you voluntarily 'didn't leave the best impression' - what does that mean? You say 'sadly' that happened. Why is it sad?! Did the current guy say something? Or do you think it shameful that you've shagged however many people before whereas he's only 'had' (your word, I would suggest 'been with' or 'had sex with' is preferential) two women?

Would be interested to hear later if you have a chance to update us, what his feeling about you cheating was based on.

Eckhart · 27/11/2020 17:53

I would question your self esteem, not his. His doesn't matter. For his own reasons, he has pissed you off and confused you, with a false accusation, within a few weeks of knowing you. Nothing but low self esteem could be making you entertain him any further.

wizzywig · 27/11/2020 17:54

Levi Bellfield was overweight and bald, he was also horrendously abusive to the female partners (of which he had many).

YoniAndGuy · 27/11/2020 17:56

Stupid move OP.

He'll apologise, backtrack - willsee he's overplayed his hand.

Then he'll be more insidious and careful when he next persuades you to delete that fb friend...not wear that dress... please let him pick you up, he would worry otherwise...

You've had great advice. He may have low self esteem - didn't stop him trying to lay down the law with you and accuse you with no reason. He's a bad one, and you GET RID. You already have those red flags you're going on about - you're holding them right there in your hand, already nicely slipped through. Not letting them slip through means a firm, no-nonsesne 'You don't get to accuse me of anything like that and stay in my life, bye'

joystir59 · 27/11/2020 17:56

Flowers and holding doors open for you= red flag
Accusing you if cheating one month in= enormous red flag
Cancel dinner. Block. Move on.

Eckhart · 27/11/2020 17:57

Donald Trump is all kinds of failings, physically, psychologically, emotionally, but he still thinks he's god's gift.

You can't judge someone's self esteem based on what they look like. He sounds manipulative to me.

Blobson · 27/11/2020 17:58

@wizzywig

Levi Bellfield was overweight and bald, he was also horrendously abusive to the female partners (of which he had many).
Oh my god 😂 Thats one of the stupidest things I've heard on here. So you're saying that that any man who is overweight and bald is a menace to all females out there. I'll tell my lovely, kind, respectful, overweight, bald dh that.
unmarkedbythat · 27/11/2020 18:00

I had a partner a long time ago who got angry with me and stayed angry for two days because he had a dream I kissed someone else.

Low self esteem is not an excuse.

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