Accused of cheating - beginning of Relationship

[Lalata]

Hi everyone, I met a great guy About a month ago. He brings me flowers, open doors, he is very affectionate and really into me. I like him a lot too. However, last time I saw him he wasn’t as affectionate as he usually is so I send him a message later on asking if he is ok and his reply was that he is very sorry, but he has a feeling I cheated. And that it’s probably irrational and it’s his insecurities, but he is not sure he can get over it. I’m shocked. I didn’t cheat of course. What now? It’s so strange! We will talk about it tonight as he is coming for dinner. But I’m kind of freaked out

Honestly I would cancel dinner and end it now OP, he is showing you his true colours. You'll be accused of all sorts before long

That is one enormous red flag.

@WishingHopingThinkingPraying

You're being tested to see if he can control you going forward. Please please don't pass.

Message him back and say. 'I didn't and don't cheat. I also don't date men who accuse their partners of things based on absolutely nothing. Sorry this didn't work out.'

Then for the love of God, block him.

Brilliant reply

@WishingHopingThinkingPraying

You're being tested to see if he can control you going forward. Please please don't pass.

Message him back and say. 'I didn't and don't cheat. I also don't date men who accuse their partners of things based on absolutely nothing. Sorry this didn't work out.'

Then for the love of God, block him.

Yes!! This is perfect! None of us are being over dramatic when we're telling you that he 100% will turn out to be abusive. This is coming from experience.

Haven't RTFT but RUN, RUN, RUN

This reminds me of my ex, he would get mad at me over fictional stuff like this and then I'd end up being so grateful when he "forgave me" that I didn't even see what was happening

PLEASE PLEASE get out of this situation now

Sorry that was very dramatic!!

@Daydreamsinglorioustechnicolor

He'll apologise. He'll say he's sorry, he's just really insecure due to how badly he's been treated in the past. He'll say its just because he's never met anyone like you before, anyone who's made him feel this way, who's so perfect for him in every way. He'll say he just needs some reassurance from you that you're not going to cheat. Slowly slowly you change your behavior so as not to upset him. You end up apologising to him. Don't even bother with dinner.

This so, so, so much.

Wishing's text above is absolutely perfect, please send this and end it.

You're only a month is, so you can't have invested that much in him, so no loss really.

At best he's very insecure, which is ick and sooooo unattractive.

At worst he's a controlling abuser and he's laying the ground work.

Either way, end it.

Oooh I had this once! I spent 2 years trying to persuade him I wasn't cheating at various stages throughout the relationship. I never was, (though I found out sometime later that he had once or twice). I would strongly advise you to run. A mile. You end up changing your behaviour and walking on egg shells trying to not do anything that might make him doubt you. But It's in his head and nothing you do will fix it.

If you've only been dating a month then he isnt even your bf yet surely? (Or only recently). So you could have still seen whomever you want anyway. The fact that he is accusing you of 'cheating' is so possessive and creepy.

That along with everything else.
He is mental.

Also Google 'love bombing' as it sounds like he might have been doing that too.

Run for the hills.

And don't let him come for dinner. He is a headfucker. Tell him you dont want to continue to date someone who still has obvious insecurity issues to work on. That it isnt ok to talk to you as he has. Its controlling. And you are no longer interested. Then block him.

Btw he doesnt actually have insecurity issues. He is just manipulative. A narcissist or similar. And a particularly bad one at that, that only 1 month in his mask is dropping.

.

Bloody hell, controlling and coercive.

Dump and run.

If you do go ahead with your date OP please think about everything we've said.
Keep your eyes open.

What he's doing is expecting you to be as apologetic and appeasing as you can possibly be - trying to prove the negative that you have NOT been cheating. Tonight, you should be falling over yourself to reassure him, to promise that you will NEVER even look at another man, that you think you two are soulmates... etc etc etc (after one month? Are you even 'exclusive'?)

That's how this will start - it will end with him checking your knickers every day after work (as that's the only place you are 'allowed' to go without him) to make sure you are not having sex with other men.

You cannot fix him, and you can't fix this 'relationship'.

You can't 'love' him better, into a person who will trust you and be a decent men.

It will not work. Thank your stars that he's shown his colours early on! Buy your own flowers, open your own doors - these things do NOT make a decent man, and men that don't do these things can also be decent.

Raise your bar. This one is a budding abuser.

This is incredibly manipulative. Cancel dinner and run run run

Well said Ptumbi !!!

Just echoing what everyone else has said! Past experience means a lot of us know that his is a MASSIVE red flag! This will turn out to be abusive very quickly, and you will be SO miserable!

You can't have a relationship without trust. He sounds odd and might be projecting...

He’s projecting

Run

i don't think op will return somehow, she's possibly telling kidding herself we don't know him and that the sun shines out of his arse when he's not accusing her of cheating

yes I agree...

looks like OP may have gone.. I do hope not...

please come back OP 🌺

Huge red flag- I learnt unfortunately too late that I shouldn't put up with unwarranted accusations of cheating (or anything!)
Whenever this has happened they ended up cheating themselves (or I highly suspect it looking back) and / or very controlling and jealous.

He's testing you to see if you'll take that nonsense, grovel and reassure him and beg to prove your loyalty somehow. It's the very start of an abusive relationship. If you do not bend he will push again and it'll not be pleasant.

Your reply should be easy,

"Oh okay. Well I guess that there's nothing we can do about that. Best call it a day. I wish you well."

OP hasn’t been back.

Your reply to him should be ‘get to fuck’

A month, a whole month?. How many times have you seen him? 10 times?

He said he has a ‘feeling’ you’ve cheated, which means he hasn’t got any sort of evidence and he’s either a controlling bastard with a lot of baggage OR he’s cheated and is reflecting this onto you. Either one of these scenarios obviously mean he’s a POS and you should get out whilst it’s still early. I definitely wouldn’t be making this man dinner, that’s for sure.

You'll be able to tell from my replies so far that I've been with this sort of man.
One reason OP might not bin him off, is that the behaviour we're suggesting he's demonstrating is so shocking and ridiculous that it is almost unbelievable. You think, surely its some misunderstanding, I just need to talk to him, he'll see sense.
So maybe she'll still go for dinner, but hopefully she'll at least be more wary. And when this happens again, which it will, she'll realise we were right.
It was the first sign of any problems with me and STBXH and despite many many additional issues, it was also the last straw. I stood in my hallway with my two DC whilst he accused me of cheating on him when I went out with friends. It had been 20 years of this. And I FINALLY realised this was never going to change. And if I stayed with him I was always going to be dealing with this shit.
So maybe OP won't dump him now, but hopefully she won't waste years trying to make up for something she's not done wrong.
OP please come back and tell us what you've decided to do. And if you do see him again, we're still hear to listen and offer advice.