Accused of cheating - beginning of Relationship

[Lalata]

Hi everyone, I met a great guy About a month ago. He brings me flowers, open doors, he is very affectionate and really into me. I like him a lot too. However, last time I saw him he wasn’t as affectionate as he usually is so I send him a message later on asking if he is ok and his reply was that he is very sorry, but he has a feeling I cheated. And that it’s probably irrational and it’s his insecurities, but he is not sure he can get over it. I’m shocked. I didn’t cheat of course. What now? It’s so strange! We will talk about it tonight as he is coming for dinner. But I’m kind of freaked out

Re Daydreamsinglorioustechnicolor's comment:-

"He'll apologise. He'll say he's sorry, he's just really insecure due to how badly he's been treated in the past. He'll say its just because he's never met anyone like you before, anyone who's made him feel this way, who's so perfect for him in every way.
He'll say he just needs some reassurance from you that you're not going to cheat. Slowly slowly you change your behavior so as not to upset him.
You end up apologising to him.
Don't even bother with dinner".

A scenario like this could well play out if you have this man over to dinner.

No-one leads a perfect life so that argument is flawed anyway.
Closure is so overrated and he will not give you that anyway. This man along with targeting you has been further testing you to see how rubbish your boundaries actually are. He is the very epitome of an emotional predator.

This is shocking!

I wish I found Mumsnet in my 20s. I would have avoided loads of bullshit. OP listen.

Run for the hills!!! He has "a feeling", after one month! Dodge the bullet quickly!

He's thinking either you have seen someone else in which case he can call you a slag and say all women are the same etc etc, or you haven't been seeing anyone and you'll be so desperate to show you haven't that he can get you to behave exactly how he wants.
Either way he's wanting to knock your confidence and self esteem and get you trying to 'make it up to him'.

closure is you sending him a text that says

'Im afraid that I cannot be with someone who treats me badly due to something in their imagination. Goodbye'

@Tt101

I wish I found Mumsnet in my 20s. I would have avoided loads of bullshit. OP listen.

Oh god me too. At least someone else can hopefully benefit from my hindsight.

Run! Forget about the dinner. Just leg it.

Without a shadow of a doubt, please dump him.

My ex also 'knew' that I was cheating. For years. I never cheated (didn't even really mix with men) and I spent half of my relationship trying to prove that I wasn't cheating. It's awful and exhausting and your love dies pretty quickly.

@Tt101

I wish I found Mumsnet in my 20s. I would have avoided loads of bullshit. OP listen.

Oh god, me too. And into my 30s and 40s ...

GET OUT NOW

I’d text him ‘Gosh, you found me out. You are so clever. Although I don’t really consider it ‘cheating’ since I barely know you. Or him. He was fine with it when I mentioned you. But hey, all cool. No harm done. Happy Xmas and all that. Bye.’

Has he asked to move in with you

it's not working out, bye.
no excuses, don't explain, the more you talk he'll try to twist it round on you.
girlz is obviously joking with this one OP

He is not a really great guy, he’s not even a regular guy. He is going to systematically destroy you unless you get rid of him now!

Not one poster has recommended you try to work this out or have a chat with him. Everyone has told you to get rid. Are you going to understand that he is a huge waste of space? Or do you want to be ground into the dirt until you have zero self esteem and you believe you can do no better?

This is how girlfriends end up on the news! Dump his sorry arse today.

But we all know OP won’t take on any of this advice in here ....

I do hope she does tho, believe me. God her post brings up such bad memories about who I believed was my soul mate. Ugh narcissistic men

Don't have him over or ask him to apologise. What's the point?

HE IS TELLING YOU WHO HE IS. Do you want to have a relationship with a paranoid, controlling, jealous, weird man?

Dump him and block him. Don't waste time.

Oh ffs! You don't need this drama after a month.
Get yourself some dignity and run.
Don't hang round wanting an apology. All you are doing is opening up a dialogue.
Ridiculous!

Run. Don’t walk. Do not look back. Just run.

If he’s prepared to start mind games this early in the relationship then just think how much worse it will get once he’s fully comfortable (and slowly destroying you).

Please listen to MN - you came for advice and are getting it, from wise women who have lived this. Don’t end up a victim (by the way - no one ever thinks they will be a victim, at the start) Listen to your instincts (you know this isn’t right), listen to MN, do not listen to this crazy man.

This is just the start of a controlling, possessive toxic relationship. You obviously feel that something isn't sitting right so end it!

Definitely a Bi den Joe, see ya. How wierd, at 4 weeks Ive still been just 'dating' ladies before now certainly not exclusive. So your both committed and in a relationship and he has a feeling you've cheated. I'd say show me you proof Sherlock or close the door on your way out!

MASSIVE RED FLAG!!! run run run

Run!

You're being tested to see if he can control you going forward. Please please don't pass.

Message him back and say. 'I didn't and don't cheat. I also don't date men who accuse their partners of things based on absolutely nothing. Sorry this didn't work out.'

Then for the love of God, block him.