gettingfrustrated21
re your comment:-
"He well and truly knows now what an absolute mess he’s made. So I’m giving him a chance to right it without the drama of me going and making him beg. It’s lockdown anyway, so not like I’ve anywhere else to be right now.
I am not going to throw away all the good stuff he does over one massive thoughtless huge mega fuckup. Its not like he’s cheated on me or anything. And he does now realise, and he realises that he needs to fix this and fast.
He knows I was ready to walk away.
So before I throw everything away, and before I walk out the door I will give him this chance"
You did not walk away though and even though he has not cheated here (you write that as some sort of consolation) that does not make what he has done here any better either. And no, he still does not realise also because you have not shown him loss, the loss of you.
This is really the sunken costs fallacy and it basically causes people to keep on poor relationship decisions. You are being further bogged down here by sunk costs. You're merely avoiding things and you are not being true to your own self.
There are two ways to understand this process, both involving avoidance. One is an avoidance of disappointment or loss when something doesn’t work out. When a relationship doesn’t succeed, especially after a long period, especially after many shared experiences and especially after developing a hope that the relationship would be a good one, it is a loss. It is a loss of what might have been and an acknowledgement that a part of one’s life has been devoted to this endeavour.
Another angle to evaluate is that focus on “sunk cost” creates a distraction from one’s inner truth. The sentence often goes like, “I’ve already invested to much, so I can’t notice my thoughts and feelings that are telling me to end or change this relationship.”
This is a type of insidious defense against noticing yourself. You enter into a neglectful relationship with yourself which divorces you from your inner thoughts and the quiet feelings that might guide you in your life. In other words, thinking about what already has been may prevent you from deciding what you want your life to be.
The key is to clear away the distractions to rational and emotional clarity. Getting stuck in your “sunk cost” prevents you from this clarity, whether in your relationships or your investments.
What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. I cannot help either but feel there are some layers here that need to be unpicked and otherwise unlearnt.