Online dating in your 50's - mark 2

[Fiftyandmore]

Here we still are :)

Hi fifty I too am off the sites for now - just seems pointless. Unlike you, I love spring and summer. I'm like a heat-seeking missile anytime there's a ray of sun - I have to be in it and love having a tan. But your memories must taint it and remind you of hard times 💐

I hope people keep posting on here as the thread is good company in lockdown.

DrDoolittle a lot of the same people are on several sites. You can definitely find people who want a relationship - I had one of those from Tinder and also met a lovely man on PoF. I think just about everyone does Tinder, it's hard to avoid. Hinge is a bit different as you have to write stuff in your profile that acts as a conversation opener. A lot of people like Bumble, because the woman has to make the first move. But some think men just use it to boost their ego.

Wherever you go, keep your eyes open for red flags and don't interact with anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable. There's loads of genuine men out there, though, just looking for love. Like the rest of us.

I wish @HairyArsedMan would swipe me!

I’m struggling to wish people a happy new year in the current circumstances but I do hope you all continue to stay well on this thread. Sorry I haven’t posted for a while - I was poorly through December and had more childcare than usual. Now home schooling and re-enjoying learning French.

My online dating motivation has been at a low (non-existent) ebb anyway, so nothing to report. Apologies for not swiping you @Gothamgirl1970 (no one else is getting swiped either) but I’m sure other hirsute.bottomed blokes will be available .

Hello! I am new to being single, new to OLD and new to my fifties!!!

My marriage has been dead as a doornail for years but we finally split in Autumn. I’m dipping my toe into an OLD site that is quite specific in its clients.

What else do I need to know?

Hello! I haven't posted for a while.
How is everyone? I hope you're all well. Are any of you still online dating in whatever form that takes at the present time?

I've recently been chatting to a man who seemed nice at first but is clearly trying to play me.

Love bombing and also all the comments to try to build up a false level of intimacy before you've even met. Also he keeps trying to take the conversation in a certain direction...
' I miss cuddles ... I'm a very tactile person' etc.
If only they would just come out and say what they're really after.

The bit I really can't stand is the future faking .., the talk of 'prosecco in the hot tub ' and holidays. I'm like ' hold your horses , we haven't even had a first date yet!'

I encountered a man like this before Christmas and we had a socially distanced date but I'd already come to the conclusion he wasn't for me.

The latest one ...he's already invited me over to his house. I'm going to end our conversation. He has put me off ever wanting to meet because he's too full on.

This type of chat might work with some people but it just gets me down that they don't want to get to know me as a person they just see me as someone they can work on. I'm actually quite annoyed with myself for letting this continue for a week. It was subtle to start with but has escalated.

With the current situation of not being able to meet -I really don't know why I'm still on the apps because I'm not enjoying it! I think I've answered my own question .... I should take a break.

How do you create a false sense of intimacy? I’ve never heard of that!

@WildestDreamsSunset - I've experienced something similar and it raised red flags with me. I think getting to know someone slowly is the way to go if you want a relationship.

It's been a year and a half since I've dated anyone. That ended up being a rollercoaster fling. I'm not looking at the moment due to Covid. How's everyone else doing?

It's ever so quiet on here - hope everyone's ok. Not really feeling the dating, are we?

I'm on the general OLD thread but very aware that most posters are younger than me. I really like that we all have a bit more in common on here so hope this will keep going. I barely bother with the sites atm tbh; have had the odd chat that just fizzled... I look forward to the fug lifting, I'll create a new profile and enjoy the cornucopia of eligible bachelors vying for my attention 🤣

Do it now @WeWantTheFinestWines - get in on the ground floor before we all get snapped up !

@HairyArsedMan

Do it now *@WeWantTheFinestWines* - get in on the ground floor before we all get snapped up !

I think all the good ones in my area were snapped up long ago... Maybe it's time to move.... Where do you live again @HairyArsedMan?

Don't know where all those sad faces came from - they were laughy when I posted! 🤣

You wouldn’t like me @WeWantTheFinestWinesI I’m one of those sporty ones.

Anyway, I didn’t quite practice what I preached - I dipped back in, then straight back out again. I thought I’d be better off spending my time looking for a new electricity provider !🤷‍♂️

Hello all, may I join in for some solidarity? Early fifty-something, highly-jaded from doing OLD here... trying to regain my dating mojo. Divorced for a few years and have dated a bit/had situationships that have left me in negative emotional equity. But God loves a trier, so I have just made an OKC account (already on all the other usual ones). But I swear I have swiped left on every man in the Midlands over the months (years). Maybe I’m being too picky. I don’t know... but I must be doing something wrong. I’m not after hookups etc and have a silly, romantic notion that I’ll somehow come across The One. Hell, just someone decent to chat to/maybe have a SD walk with would do for now! I also admit to getting back on the OLD bike to help me forget the latest situationship disaster. Hope you’re all having more luck than me and any tips welcome! 😊
(ps my user name has nothing to do with Bumble!)

Hi Little welcome to the thread. I'd say keep swiping left until there is a really good reason not to. There is almost never a reason not to. But don't sell yourself short. If something in a profile doesn't appeal to you, move on. The pickings are so slim as to be emaciated so there are many of us in your boat. I'm hoping it will all pick up when we can actually meet people again, properly. I hope I'm not the only one in semi-hibernation and that lots of good men will suddenly appear and be right-swipe-worthy.

And if you're into sporty types, I hear HairyArsedMan is available 🤣🤣

Lovely to hear your update @ WeWantTheFinestWines. I went off the sites for 6 weeks, dipped my toe back in last week. Chatting to a few and had a couple of video dates. One was a definite no and the other I'll continue talking to however I think there is a general fog due to the lockdown fatigue..I'm also guilty of lack of effort as there doesn't seem to be much point.

I might take Hairy's dip and try switching electricity suppliers instead 😃 @HairyArsedMan, do you have any lycra clad photos?? Not that it will be identifying as it's ubiquitous on dating profiles.

Thanks, @WeWantTheFinestWines You’re right - no point swiping on the ones who don’t chime with me. I’d say I swipe right out of one in a hundred (probably 500 actually!). I’ve literally finished Tinder haha. As you say, the pickings are slim for sure. I’m so done with drugged-up tigers and poking-out furry tongues. I think it must be a bit like slot machines or online gambling... the minuscule hope of hitting the jackpot fuels the addiction. Sadly, in my experience of the men I’ve chatted to/dated/maybe even had some kind of ‘ship’ with (can’t say I’d put the word ‘relation’ as a prefix) have mainly turned out to be players and are still swiping to see if something better comes along (it didn’t, but by that time I’d sent them on their merry way). It’s draining. But there’s still that damned annoying glimmer of hope 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think hibernation is the way to go for the moment.

Haha well I’m certainly not against a sporty type! It definitely trumps a couch potato. And I don’t judge anyone for having a hairy arse 😂

Ha @Techway no lycra in my photos but there might be some moisture wicking fibres.

Hi @LittleBeee - you’ve most likely swiped left on me then ! Sorry to hear of your bad experiences. I don’t swipe right often at all too. I think you have to bear in mind that some swipe a bit less selectively and those are the people that are looking for experiences/discovery rather than The One. I say on my profile that I’m looking for something that endures but would always hesitate to say looking for The One as I’m sceptical about such an idea. It doesn’t mean I’m always going to have an eye out for someone better - it’s more an acknowledgement that there are possibly a handful of women out there that I could love and be compatible with; if I should happen to meet one that’d be wonderful.

I definitely look twice at well-written profiles @HairyArsedMan though can’t recall any moisture wicking pics! (I’m now trying to second guess your sport 😂) Or perhaps you’ve swiped left on me haha. I don’t actually put I’m looking for The One on my profile and I absolutely agree with what you say about ‘enduring’. That’s a much more realistic way of looking at it. Me and my silly romantic ideals have all but given up on The One, if I’m honest.
Does anyone know if you have to both swipe right on OKC before you can message (on the free version)? I’m not familiar with the app yet and thought it was more like POF but maybe not.

Anyone on tinder notice the update agreement you have to tick before proceeding? I did put a separate thread up a few days ago but only got one reply?

@LittleBeee Maybe my profile isn't that well written then ! Actually I've written a fair bit on my OkCupid one but I've had it disabled it in recent times.

On OkCupid when you like a profile it then prompts you to write them an intro. If you write an intro they will get to see all the intros and likes if they've paid, or just the latest one if they haven't. The site indicates that they've written you an intro in the Double Take (swipe) section when they appear there - which may make you curious enough to like them in return. When you both express a like for each other through the Double Take section (irrespective of intro) you get to message for free.

I have to say OkCupid is very expensive at £38.99 per month now - they've really hiked the price. I remember paying that amount for 3 months at the start of the first lockdown.

@Frickssake Was the updated agreement controversial ?

Frick is this for payers? I've had nothing but I'm just using the free version. Is it worrisome?

Thanks for the tip, @HairyArsedMan
I found quite a few who had left messages that I wouldn’t have known about otherwise. Without the paid version, you can read through them one by one. Sadly I wasn’t curious enough so then swiped left one by one. Oh well!
Yes, OKC does seem quite pricey. I haven’t ever paid for a site membership. Maybe that’s where I’m going wrong?? I ^think^ I’m a reasonable/not too bad a ‘catch’ (or deluding myself) but things definitely slowed down post-50.
How do you hide your profile on OKC or is that a paid-for feature? Asking for a friend

@Frickssake I’ve not encountered this - though I don’t pay for Tinder.

@LittleBeee on OkCupid you can suspend your account but this removes you from circulation entirely - you can’t browse or be browsed.

I think paying is a convenience really - cuts down the amount of time you spend trying to find someone interested in you. I think if you’re popular you’re guaranteed a string of matches as you swipe so no need to pay.

I’m not that popular and rarely make a blind match. I found when I did pay all likes were unsuitable - either very far away or just nowhere near a match (probably swipes in error).