Online dating in your 50's - mark 2

[Fiftyandmore]

Here we still are :)

@Techway he did collect me from home. I hesitated but in the end it was easier. Kids were away. I know where he lives as we meet outside his place along the river and he has always been totally understanding about taking things slowly and at my pace as well as respecting that the dcs don't know about me dating. It's one of the things I like about him, apart from his sense of humour. Still not sure it would go beyond friendship but we had fun. I also made him drive home with the roof down in his car which he was happy to humour me on!

And, bizarrely, as I was putting my shoes on to go out, Mr Gatwick messaged!

Sorry, pressed post too soon. Didn't mean to make it all about me!

@HairyArsedMan what an interesting experiment! I'm not sure that you can assume it's your photos  You write very intelligently on here and that says a lot and would stand out from many other profiles. Shows that it isn't all about looks!! (Thank god)

Sorry, going back to me 
Mr SoTR has made it clear that he is interested but also that he will take it at my pace. Not sure what his response would be to me saying just friends. I did make it clear that I don't tend to meet people and 'fancy' them straight away ... although I might have the ick straight away!

@Techway it sounds as though you have a few 'possibles'. At the moment, there is a lot to be said for cultivating someone local! I would be with you on not joining in with the games about why someone doesn't have photos but from what @HairyArsedMan has discovered, that may be the way to go!

Hi everyone
I just wanted to wish you all happy Christmas and say I think you are all brave, will keep reading! I’m still not sure if OLD is for me although I quite like the fact that right now there would be no possibility of anything other that taking it slowly.
I have to say that the other thread about reasons people didn’t go for a second date, is not encouraging! So grim...

Evening lovely folks :). I'm stopping by to wish everyone a very happy Christmas (in so much as it can be), and a healthy and happy start to 2021.

I'm going to come off the sites until January, if not for longer. I'm feeling demoralised and as if I'm no good at this! It's the same old story as when I was young - the ones who are interested in me I'm not interested back in, and vice versa!

I wish you all lots of luck - and don't talk about me when I'm not here because I will be lurking! You're all fab and I genuinely look forward to the time when we can arrange a meet. See you in 2021. 💐🎉🎄🍗

Happy Christmas to you all! Whatever you are doing this year I hope you enjoy it. It's just one day in the year and I am looking forward to relaxing and having some nice food🎄

I haven't been active on the dating sites as I've had other things going on.

@Fiftyandmore - always the same with me. The ones I like don't seem to like me enough for anything long term. Let's hope the dating improves next year

Happy Christmas @Fiftyandmore! Hope it's a good one.

@Fiftyandmore, it's such a strange time. I am not sure you'll miss much as dating in lockdown is hardly thrilling.

Please check in and have a great Christmas.

@Fiftyandmore I feel exactly the same. Have been off the sites for a little while. It's so demoralising - and easy to forget that we are good people who deserve good people. So I think my mental health will benefit from a break. I will return in the new year though - no chance of meeting anyone IRL, so OLD it is. But new year, new profile, new pictures. Surely everything will be different then .

I reckon the best thing I've got from OLD lately has been lovely people sharing the big boat we're all in. And I also hope we can actually meet up in person next year, that would be amazing.

Have a lovely Christmas everyone - and never forget that your worth is not defined by whether some cockwomble on t'internet happens to swipe left or right.

Peace and love

@WeWantTheFinestWines - "cockwomble" - made me laugh

Merry Christmas to everyone, daters or taking-a-breakers! 🎄🎅🎁

I'm so happy this thread exists, it's provided support, advice and a listening ear throughout the challenges of being an old bird trying to find love again 😐 and a lot of laughs.

Have a lovely day today, if that's possible. I'll be looking forward to a new and improved year around the corner. Love to everyone 💐❤

Happy Christmas all!

Merry Christmas all! 🎄🥂🍾

Merry Christmas to everyone. Thank you for your support and wise words.

Not a huge update from me. I decided yesterday that I will not be modifing myself in 2021. If Im not upbeat, jolly and whimsical, Im not going to pretend to be.
My new way of managing OLD, giving them the same level of attention or energy they give me seems to work reasonably well. So I currently have:
Man from fab. Still meeting 1 to twice a week. Im keeping my boundaries strong and keep telling myself 'he is from fab and told me he has been on fab for years'. He texts every day and I respond. Its the usual 'hows your day?' texts. He is affectionate and told me last time we met that he likes women natural and looks forward to seeing me when we spend a whole night together. He also told me, when I was working around but not with covid patients, 'you need to keep safe, who would I walk with?'.
Its an fwb arrangement. For sure. I have a feeling he isnt sleeping with multiple women but I dont know for sure and he could be. Our plans are always just for that week and not ahead. He makes the plans and I agree if Im free.
He doesnt know the real me. I am presenting a modified version of me. This became apparent when I told him of my dreadful day at the hospital after being scolded by the GP receptionists for emailing them a query outside of their email rules. I didnt know and ended up in floods of tears. Fab man said 'but you told me your day was ok!' when I asked how you were! I said things like that are not easy to translate to message and thought as a fwb thats a level of intimacy for v close comrades.
So we plod on.
Months ago I had a coffee with a v nice looking man from India. He was a cricketer and works in IT. We kept in touch. He is always v pleasant. He invited me over to his house a few days ago and I a nice cuppa in his back garden. He says Im hot. Im happy to take that compliment. Ive never been a man magnet in my life and usually ignored but since getting this awful illness and losing a few stone, and looking after myself I am aware I am getting the odd compliment. Id love good health back but thats not possible so Ill take what I can get.
And the usual weirdness on OLD continues in the periphery.
Today someone wanted to know whether I had a substantial sex drive as he needed to know from the outset. He was blocked.
Loads and loads of faders. All bluster and love bombing then nothing.
The fab man and the cricketer are both non love bombing steady comms people. Im happy with that.

grey non-love bombing, steady comms sounds very healthy. It's difficult not to try to portray a most excellent version of yourself when you first meet someone. But there is no point in not being yourself, is there, because the real you will come through the cracks at some point anyway, so you need someone who won't be put off by that.

I'll try to learn from everyone else's experiences when I put together my new profile in January. But still be me.

@Greyandrare123, you seem to have a balanced approach. Steady comms is a good sign, at our ages I think we know that genuine relationships take time to build.
Mr FWB seems very literal.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas

My updates: Mr Rugby player and I still texting but as we are not close by and would need to drive I don't think we will meet for a while.
Mr Ex accountant is close by and definitely in the steady comms style. Loads in common but physically he might not be my type. I think we will meet after the NY.

Mr attractive appeared a few days before Christmas...New to the site, profile says he has a serious job but I'm not quite warming to him and think he might be a player/juvenile type. However from his photos he is definitely attractive so can't quite let him go yet!

I think the sites are busy, I disappeared for a few days over Christmas and came back to 99+ views which suggests lots of men were on the sites over Christmas.

I've had a look on POF from time to time and had a go on Facebook dating. No one really interests me. Again I'm asking myself why people don't make much effort.

There are men on Facebook dating who can't even be bothered to change their profile photos so I can see what they actually look like. I think they should delete photos of their kids as well. OK, grumble over.

On a more positive note, I hope you all have a very happy new year!

@hotchocolatey, I think there are alot of "window shoppers"...either no photos, or no profile description which to me suggests they are just checking to see who is available. I imagine these are men in relationships who are still deciding if they should leave.

Real life has been very busy so haven't engaged much with OLD but may meet ex accountant at the weekend.

Outside of dating, does anyone have 2021 intentions (prefer that term to resolutions)?

I plan on getting some work done on my house to make it cosier and hope to do a long distance hike in the summer. I also want to try a new sport...assuming we are allowed but I feel more optimistic since the Oxford vaccine was approved.

Just dropping by to wish everyone a very happy and healthy 2021 🍾🍾

I haven't been on the sites at all, and will try to stay off them possibly until the end of January. At the minute, I feel as if the effort of starting a new relationship (if I ever got to that point - which is unlikely given my experiences to date!) would be just too much trouble! Terry (DD's friend's dad) has been in touch to wish me a merry Christmas, and to say he hopes we can have some fun in the new year . Not happening!

Also, I found out earlier this week that my first serious boyfriend, with whom I was besotted, and who broke my heart and caused me to do terribly in my A levels, died suddenly of a brain haemorrhage two years ago :(. We met when I was 17, it was all over by the time I was 19, but I was at least 25 before I got over him. Even now, after all these years, I still think of him on his birthday, and hearing of his death has made me so sad :(.

Goals for 2021 - I want to try and transfer teams at work. Current job takes me into a big hospital every day, and suddenly I'm feeling worried and vulnerable. I love my job but it's all a bit scary now and I don't want to put my dc at risk.

And like you @Techway I want to do some work on my house. I need to move at some point in the next three or four years so should start getting things sorted.

Anyway - once again, much love and luck for 2021 my lovely friends :).

@Fiftyandmore, I'm so sorry your news and I imagine it was quite a shock.

Wishing all you lovely people a wonderful 2021..May it be filled with joy and laughter.

Thank you @Techway. I haven't seen him in over 30 years so in my mind's eye, he's still the young and handsome lad I knew, full of life and energy.

So sad fifty - you never forget your first love.

I'm also putting dating off until late January probably. New pics and words. Fresh start.

My ambition for the year is to get my living arrangements sorted. I want to get out of my (lovely and unique) family home and find a (poky) flat for myself and DC. They should by rights be with their dad half the time then, which means time for me to go dating if and when I want 😊

Happy New Year to you all 🎉

@Techway so true about the window shoppers.

@Fiftyandmore sorry to hear about your first boyfriend passing away.

I normally dread New Year's Eve as I feel like everyone else is out partying even though I'd rather stay in 🤨. This year wasn't too bad as everyone else was staying in.

Happy New Year everyone :). Just checking in to see how everyone's doing - I miss us!

I'm not especially missing the dating sites though. Haven't checked in for a good couple of weeks or more, and not intending to for a while. I guess the new lockdown will make things even trickier - as if we weren't up against enough as it was! Part of me is a bit sad, but a bigger part of me is thinking how it's too much effort anyway, and I don't know if I can face going through the stages of a new relationship again.

Maybe spring will see a renewed sense of optimism but I have to admit that I hate spring! These next few months until probably the end of April are my least favourite. I've always disliked them and have always felt very unsettled at this time of year, but even more so now since my Dh died at the end of February.

Anyway, now that I've dispensed some doom and gloom, I will just say that it would be lovely to hear occasionally how we're all doing! And to have a bit of a chat on here (since our rl meet up is looking further away than ever) now and again.

Take care all :)

Hi all, I posted on the previous thread under a different name, but haven't yet got into OLD and not sure if I want to.

Can I ask, what sites do you recommend? And are there actually men out there who want a relationship, not just sex? I'm not interested in a FWB, if I decide to do this I'd want a proper relationship.