Dating Thread 196 - Winter Wonderland Walks

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@lovellost i'd go for a second date and then decide then

[quote LongtimelurkerL]@lovellost i'd go for a second date and then decide then[/quote]
Thank you for your advice . I am seeing him again on Thursday , I will decide then

@lovellost I think it would annoy me but I would date them, see how it goes and then maybe jokingly mention it. My partner refers to his best friend as his ex brother in law as both dated sisters for a long period (not even married!) and this does annoy me!

My date was awful 😞 he didn't look anything like his pictures, and he showed up scruffy and with dirty trainers. Im not shallow or anything, but I had made some effort and expected the same.
I'm really disappointed because he wasn't at all what I imagined in my head.
Not sure what to do now, feel like giving up.

@Namechanged1122, it's a real disappointment when you build up to something and then it's not what you were hoping for or imagined. Obviously you know your own mind and where you feel you are at with OLD but I wouldn't let this one encounter halt you in your tracks. Is there a reason why you are feeling particularly despondent ?

@Namechanged1122

My date was awful 😞 he didn't look anything like his pictures, and he showed up scruffy and with dirty trainers. Im not shallow or anything, but I had made some effort and expected the same. I'm really disappointed because he wasn't at all what I imagined in my head. Not sure what to do now, feel like giving up.

Sorry to hear that . Was it a walking date ? Maybe see him again in another setting and see if he makes the effort then if the spark was there .

[quote Eesha]@lovellost I think it would annoy me but I would date them, see how it goes and then maybe jokingly mention it. My partner refers to his best friend as his ex brother in law as both dated sisters for a long period (not even married!) and this does annoy me![/quote]
Thank you. I will see how I feel next time maybe mention it next time he says it

@Onesmallstep67 I'm not sure, we'd been chatting for a couple of weeks.. felt like we had a good connection, and things in common, but I don't think it was 'enough'. He just had the one photo up and it must've been from a long time ago.
It was my first dabble in OLD after a long time (recently split with ex).
He has said he'd like to see me again and that he wanted to kiss me, I feel terrible about letting him down. I wish I liked him but I'm just not attracted to him.

I don't like letting people down.

Not sure why I feel so down otherwise, I just hoped for more and had built a fantasy in my head. 😔

It was also absolutely freezing. Very difficult to have dates outdoors in this weather with nowhere to go.

@Namechanged1122, I imagine if you have come out of a long term RS then there may be a bit of a sense of 'is this what I have to face now ?' - meeting people and as such starting again. I genuinely thought that after my DH passed away that I would just meet someone new at some point and it would fall into place. But that was far from the truth.
Some on here embraced their new found freedom after coming out of a long term RS. others may have felt apprehensive about what lay ahead. It's strange times at the moment, many of us are cut off from normal routines and friendship circles or social activities. Christmas also can highlight feelings of being alone - in the RS sense. I think you should send a message quite quickly if you feel sure it's a no go from your POV and not dwell on it too much. This does usually get easier the more times you have to do it. But honesty is best, letting you both move on. I'm sure you can find a nice way to say it.

Still chatting to Mr TourGuide since our petrol station meet last week:) He is a lovely man, we have such similar senses of humour and he is so consistent with comms without being smothering.
I wasn’t sure if I fancied him though and we didnt even hug on our first ‘date’ let alone kiss.
So today we had an unexpected meet. My daughter is in hospital since yesterday in the town where he lives. He messaged to see if he could bring me some food or did I want to meet for a coffee near the hospital which was so thoughtful as he knew I was stuck here with no break.
We met in yet another petrol station! He bought me tea and just chatted and distracted me for an hour. We had a hug and a quick peck before I had to go and suddenly I fancy him more! I think it’s his kindness and he looked so much better in daylight😆 We have agreed to have a date in a venue outside of a petrol station soon which I’m really looking forward to.

@Namechanged1122 sorry to hear that. Agree that it’s just one date so try to put it down to experience and move on?

Great to hear @Mayzee

@Mayzee
Get well wishes for your daughter

Sounds on the face of it that he's a decent man and worth investing a little although I know your main priority is your daughter. But he will know that too

Good luck

Still messaging me my fwb. He's got awful family issues with parents at the mo so not much physical happening but plenty of messages

@daisymat thanks she’s hopefully on the mend. This is one is so respectful of my situation I was finding it frustrating and thinking he’s not into me, when in reality he’s just taking things slow and I’m comparing it to the two irons that previously sparked my interest who both rushed me into bed-And then faded me out. He hasn’t shown me that he’s like that -yet!

I’m sorry your fwb is having issues-is there likely to be a resolution soon so you can resume or is it a wait and see scenario?

@Mayzee fingers crossed for you

We've not really started yet! Waiting for the opportunity but with his situation, he's had to go and stay with his parents short term due to their health, tier 3 work etc it's proving difficult to arrange. Both have time of over Xmas so hopefully. In the meantime we message every evening and he's definitely keen !

Hey all - hope you daughter is better soon @Mayzee. Mr Tour Guide sound sweet.

Sorry you can't see your FWB @daisymat - hopefully this vaccine will come in soon

Nothing much to report, just tired and working hard and sick of this weather and lockdown!

Still it's Tuesday and that is Mr Local night! I haven't seen him outside his house since September. My mate asked me last night if perhaps he was on a tag! Or in witness protection.... 😂. I actually don't care (though am fairly sure he isn't, he works in a bank FFS)

Saw Mr Ginger on Saturday and stayed at his and my God he upped his game on the sex front. We had a brilliant weekend - but, although he is all over me and keen for a relationship, his bloody ex still living with him 'part time' (and no prospect of leaving as she doesn't either earn or drive) means I can't think of him in relationship terms. He keeps saying he will 'work it out'. I'm thinking he won't, and I don't need anyone else with baggage after what I put up with. I particularly don't like people who feel entitled to leech off others (there is no reason his ex can't work and learn to drive) So for now he's all super keen and I'm just taking it as it comes.

Had a look in Facebook dating - same old faces, easier UX so I suppose that's half positive, but with Christmas coming up I really don't have time for anyone else now. I just want it to be summer and to be able to go out again!

Found out something interesting about Bumble last night. God, it's so compulsive- I'm sure I swiped through level Dean and right out the other side .

About two thirds of the way down the stack I came across Mr BigCityBoy! I sent him a friendly message just to say his photos don't do justice to his true gorgeousness (they don't- I wouldn't have seen anything exceptional about him at all if I'd happened on his profile, whereas in real life he's lovely). He replied that he was only on Bumble for a week several months ago, and that he thought he's deleted both his profile and the app!

So how many other "ghost" profiles are there bobbing around out there, getting our hopes up?

@UtterSocks sounds bloomin' good - two good ones on the go! Go you!

Hope your daughter gets better soon @Mayzee

Hmm interesting @crackofdoom although from memory I don't think Bumble is that hard to delete, and clearly if he got the message he surely knows it wasn't deleted?

He replied that he was only on Bumble for a week several months ago, and that he thought he's deleted both his profile and the app!

Not sure I believe this, sorry!

Can someone share with me a list of green flags (or alternatively red flags to avoid) for relationships/OLD - as in how do you know someone is keen rather than lovebombing/just looking for sex (nothing wrong with that obv just not what i'm interested in at the moment)

Yeah not that credible @crackofdoom ... @LongtimelurkerL she sent him a message outside of the app, so it may be true.

Bumble gives you profiles in order of activity, ranking (most popular first - hence no one ever gets round to swiping me ) and proximity. If there are ghost profiles, you'd have to be swiping for ages, and I swipe for about 5 seconds before I run out of profiles...

Green flags @LongtimeLurkerL .. quick ones off the top of my head: responsive; explains what's going on if there is any shadow of doubt; open; respectful; understands no and doesn't sulk; remembers the details of your life ...

@crackofdoom did you send a message on or off Bumble? (@HairyArsedMan)

Ah that's helpful thanks @HairyArsedMan

@HairyArsedMan Can I ask you in your view, do women (or can they even?) do the whole lovebombing thing to men or is that only something men do?
Green flags idea is interesting- we spend all of our time looking for even a hint of a red flag that it’s easy to miss the green ones - although it’s better than missing the red ones I suppose

I sent him a message via Kik, LLL. We met through Fab, and I don't know why he'd lie- we both know we're seeing other people.

Ah sorry @crackofdoom I got the wrong end of the stick thinking this was an exclusive relationship - that makes sense then - absolutely no need to lie