Letter from beyond the grave from my NC toxic mother. Nastiest thing I’ve ever read.

[TToxicDeadMother]

Me and my brother have been NC with her for 6 years. Long story but she was very nasty and abusive. Emotionally all our lives and physically when we were kids.

She carried on being nasty and Critical all the time. Said nasty things about my appearance to my Dd and then denied saying it and called Dd a psycho. She was divorced from my dad by then after she had an affair and he caught her out. He died before we went NC and she was vile then. Insisted on coming to the funeral even though my dad had remarried, threw a tantrum because she couldn’t read the eulogy.....this was a woman who stabbed him the night she threw him out the house!

So she died 10 days ago. I’d been told she was dying and spent days sat with her in the hospital, she was too far gone to know I was there.

Today I got a letter via the solicitor. Pages and pages of abuse and ranting. Obviously I’m disinherited. Fine. Lies upon lies about how she never had an affair (she forgot she printed off the very explicit emails between her and the bloke involved and gave them to me for safe keeping). Lies about how I only went NC with her because I’m selfish and she had no use to me once Dd was older as I’d used her for babysitting.....she babysat occasionally. Like twice a year on request, other times were when she asked to have Dd.

She says she hopes the guilt kills me. She hopes my Dd are as wicked to me as I’ve been to her. Lots of insults. Says she never insulted me to Dd but then says....but you are the size of a house. I was a size 16!

What sort of fucking twisted bitch of a mother writes such a letter? She obviously wanted to be cruel and have the last word when she knows I can’t respond. I’m so fucking angry. I’m angry I visited her at the hospital. A little part of me thought the letter might express regret, how bloody wrong.

I am so sorry OP.

It's sounds as though she was mentally unwell, and very jealous of you.

It may well be that she cut you off as she knew that you were better than she, and then just went hell for leather to make life less easy for you, like it probably was for her.

Even if you got part of her estate, it would hang over you, so I do think having no part of it, s easier mentally.

What was your brother's response to the letter? .

You were with her at the end after everything she put you through, and so in doing so shows that you have been a much better daughter than she was a mother.

I don't know the way forward in all honesty, but I think living well and having the best relationship with your dd and your brother is so much more than she was able to achieve.

Deep breath. You are free. Enjoy the rest of your life knowing that no-one wishes you ill. You will never have to dread hearing from her again. You are through it. You are free.

I agree, that’s the worst and most shocking thing I think I’ve ever read on here. I can’t imagine how you must feel.
What a nasty, vile and gutless thing for her to do. She must have been consumed with hatred, pity her.
I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this and agree with pp, I think counselling could help bring you closure.

I really would reconsider contesting the will, on a no win/no fee basis. There's certainly provision in law;

www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1975/63

Why shouldn't you and your brother have the last laugh by getting your rightful part of her money and then either donate it to a cause she hated (in her name) or just waste it?

@Sarahlou63 I've skimmed through that link and I think it relates to challenging a will where the person doing the challenging has been financially reliant on the deceased. Which isn't the case here.

I'm sure she will have made it clear in her will that she does not want me to inherit. I guess legally people are allowed to be nasty, toxic bitches. I;m really not sure I'd want any money. Her neighbour rang me asking if I wanted any jewellery, rings, etc and I said no.

My brother's response has just been to laugh, he thinks the whole thing is just pathetic.

It's funny one of her few friends said to me the other week "you do know your mother loved you, she was just to stubborn to sort things out". Really? I wonder what this friend would think of this?

It's funny one of her few friends said to me the other week "you do know your mother loved you, she was just to stubborn to sort things out". Really? I wonder what this friend would think of this?

Some people just can't see ugliness even if it's in letters a mile high and right under their noses. And for many people admitting that a mother doesn't love her child is impossible, no matter how cruel that mother was. It goes against one of the very basic so-called 'truths' of our society. But the real truth is that ugliness exists and some parents do not love their children. And I'm so sorry you got stuck with her for your mother.

To steal a phrase, living a life full of love and kindness will be the best revenge. And yes, do have counseling. You'll be amazed at how much it will help to have someone totally unbiased work with you to pick through your mother's 'garbage' and then toss it on the burn-pile and watch it burn.

Jesus op, I'm so sorry.

All I can say is be proud you clearly arnt of a similar nature to her. Even after everything she did to you, you were by her side in her last days. The contents of the letter is fucking cruel, awful. But, you know that you ended things the way you wanted to by being with her. Hold your head high that you are a better person than she ever was

I am so sorry Op this is awful.My own DM has pulled some stunts and I always imagine her leaving any money in a shockingly unfair will as a last word.She has said people would be surprised years ago.!
I can't imagine how dreadful a nasty letter is when you cannot respond.Others are right she clearly was mentally ill.
Don't let your anger make you bitter.

I'm incredibly sorry. I echo others' advice, discard that nasty letter, get some counselling for as long as you need it, and celebrate that you're not like your mother. My father is a nasty man, and I have NC with him as it's too painful and twisted. I know how wounded you must feel. I feel for you. Wish you all the best for your future x

I’m so sorry your mum was such a fucked-up, bitter, old shrew. I wrote about mine further up the thread. My brother was the golden child, but as a result is completely unable to function in society. I was really traumatized by my mother’s hatred of me, and have had a lot of therapy. (Genuine PTSD.) When my aggro brother became obsessive about getting a marker for her grave, and passing the adulting buck towards me (and of course expecting me to pay for it as well....) but wanting control of the wording, etc - I lost my shit and told him that I didn’t know why he was consulting me at all, because if it were up to me, she’d be getting wooden stakes and holy water, and hung up on him. (I’d be surprised if there was a marker. I’m not going to check.)

When my Mum died and we were arranging the funeral, the lady asked if there was anything we wanted to go in the coffin with her and I did momentarily consider writing a letter saying what an awful mother she had been and how I deserved so much better. I didn't in the end though.

It is a such a different loss when you lose a narcissistic type of parent. I found it very hard initially but it was replaced by a sense of relief and calmness.

Oh op i’m sorry. I don’t believe in eugenics but some people really don’t deserve to be parents. I’m sorry you and your DB didn’t get the mother you deserved. Sending you a massive hug. For what it’s worth you sound as if you are acting with such dignity and grace

OP at least she exposed herself in the end. Burn the lot. She must have had MH issues that were never identified. Try to put it in perspective. It's very sad. Don't remember her badly. 😔

Actually so sorry OP, please ignore my last comment, I was incorrect. That's not the case anymore. I'll ask MNHQ to remove my previous post. There was me thinking I was helping! 🤦🏼‍♀️

[quote DC3Dakota]@TToxicDeadMother You say she made her neighbour Executor of her will? Do you know that for certain? If so then she can't have left her money to them as the Executor cannot be a beneficiary [/quote]
An executor absolutely can be a beneficiary.

Please don't give incorrect legal advice, it's the last thing the OP needs.

Sorry, I missed that you already corrected it.

OP, it may be a blessing that you don't have to make all the funeral arrangements. It's hard enough to do it when you loved the deceased but a horrible task if you had good reason to hate them. All the best to you anyway.

I would try to feel sorry for her. NO ONE that vindictive and self pitying is a happy person, she probably did not have a happy life.
And visiting her in hospital allows you to feel that you did your 'duty' to your DM, regardless of the unhappiness she caused you over the years, so you fulfilled your daughterly duties - so you can now move on.
I felt like a shadow lifted from my shoulders when DF died ( I won't go into details here) and I think you will feel the same once you have put the letter behind you.

OP, all my sympathy. I have NC mother but sounds like she is not as bad as yours.
I urge you to book an online session with a psychologist, even after 1 conversation you will feel better.
Don't go to funeral, she doesn't deserve it. I would leave the inheritance alone too, it is likely you will lose anyway but it would certainly bring all the emotions back.
She was a narcissist who always blamed others for everything that happened to her. Denial of past behaviour/events is unfortunately very common.

The letter confirmed you were correct to go no contact

That’s all you need to know

I agree that this letter is a gift. It confirms that you were right to cut the miserable witch out of your life all those years ago. You will never suffer guilt. You will never treat others this way.
Laugh , cry and burn it.

I am so sorry OP, but by the sounds of things something you may have expected to receive from her.

I totally empathise, I am NC with my mum, who is very much how you described your mum.

I shredded a very poisonous letter from her. There is no benefit In keeping it.

I am over the grief of mourning a relationship that was never going to be possible with my mum. I have moved on and been the best mum I can be to my boys, who are now very late teens. It would never occur to me to treat them the way I have been treated.

Wishing you all the very best OP

I'm so sorry. It's incredibly unfair and you deserve so much better.

Mourn her, or don't. Mourn the mother you wish you had had, or don't. There are no wrong decisions here except the decision to prioritise anything but your own self care.

I'm sorry OP. Sadly this is more common than I ever realised and I wanted to thank you for sharing this. The advice here is very helpful to me too .

OP, you sound very well adjusted in spite of having experienced all of that. If you ever do feel you're struggling with your feelings about her and what she inflicted on you, definitely seek counselling. I'm sure your own daughter is very proud of you, its obvious from your posts you're the opposite of your own mother.