Letter from beyond the grave from my NC toxic mother. Nastiest thing I’ve ever read.

[TToxicDeadMother]

Me and my brother have been NC with her for 6 years. Long story but she was very nasty and abusive. Emotionally all our lives and physically when we were kids.

She carried on being nasty and Critical all the time. Said nasty things about my appearance to my Dd and then denied saying it and called Dd a psycho. She was divorced from my dad by then after she had an affair and he caught her out. He died before we went NC and she was vile then. Insisted on coming to the funeral even though my dad had remarried, threw a tantrum because she couldn’t read the eulogy.....this was a woman who stabbed him the night she threw him out the house!

So she died 10 days ago. I’d been told she was dying and spent days sat with her in the hospital, she was too far gone to know I was there.

Today I got a letter via the solicitor. Pages and pages of abuse and ranting. Obviously I’m disinherited. Fine. Lies upon lies about how she never had an affair (she forgot she printed off the very explicit emails between her and the bloke involved and gave them to me for safe keeping). Lies about how I only went NC with her because I’m selfish and she had no use to me once Dd was older as I’d used her for babysitting.....she babysat occasionally. Like twice a year on request, other times were when she asked to have Dd.

She says she hopes the guilt kills me. She hopes my Dd are as wicked to me as I’ve been to her. Lots of insults. Says she never insulted me to Dd but then says....but you are the size of a house. I was a size 16!

What sort of fucking twisted bitch of a mother writes such a letter? She obviously wanted to be cruel and have the last word when she knows I can’t respond. I’m so fucking angry. I’m angry I visited her at the hospital. A little part of me thought the letter might express regret, how bloody wrong.

@TToxicDeadMother

No grandchildren are also disinherited.

I doubt the neighbour will pass anything my/their way. Estate will consist of a 300k house and whatever savings she has left. I know a few years ago that was about 100k.

Guess it is a life changing amount of money for the neighbour and people tend to be able to justify decisions like that to themselves I’m sure. It would be nice if she passed some money over to Dd as it would make a massive difference to her but I doubt she will.

This takes it up a notch: there's no way you won't notice your neighbour's inheritance. They'll have a holiday or new car or house extension etc and you'll have to see it. Every day.

I'd contest it on your daughter's behalf. Or at least seek legal advice about doing that (free 1/2 hour). Seek to put it in a trust fund for her with some released age 18 and test she'd 25 or something. Worth legal advice I'd say.

@HotelliFinlandia

It’s the mother’s neighbour, isn’t it, not OP’s?

(I agree she should fight it for her DD’s benefit though)

A PP mentioned narcissism, this is actually a personality disorder in itself, and would be more of a fit than bipolar.
Not trying to do armchair diagnoses here, but it may help to think that her malice was due to MH rather than take it personally.

On a side note, I used to work in wills and probate, and used to see quite a few shocking letters of wishes which must have been like a slap in the face from beyond the grave for the recipient..some were truly vile.

I kind of think fuck the inheritance. It’s not worth the hassle. Your DD would rather have you free, than tied down to laborious legal arguments, which would probably not be in your favour anyway. Personally if I were to inherit from someone who had living children and grandchildren it wouldn’t sit well with me, obviously the neighbour has little in the way of scruples.

I don’t know how anyone could write something so mean to their own child, it’s sick, but doing it from beyond the grave, to get the ultimate last word is despicable. I wonder what solicitors actually feel it serves.

You can have the last word tho ! You can have a happy life People like her never had a happy life. Just burn it and block her out your mind. Write a letter back if it helps then move on

So sorry this has happened to you OP. Sounds exactly like borderline personality disorder to me (with a bit on npd in the mix). Really hope the neighbour comes good and passes some £ on to you or your brother/ daughter....though nothing can make up for what it she has put you through.

My goodness OP. Sounds like you’ve had an awful time of it, even before your mother’s death. Lots more tough stuff to process now.

My DM is still alive but sounds scarily similar - broken relationships, self absorbed, complaints to various companies, poor relationship with her DM, superiority, sibling calling her out and subsequent NC.

It’s really bloody hard. I’m so sad for you that she’s dumped this on you. Seeing her true colours in black and white must’ve been very difficult...

Well whoever inherited your half/third etc needs to do the right thing and let you have it back.

OP are you in a position to contest the will? Would you want to? Not sure if you have said and I've missed it. It is a significant amount so potentially could be worth it. However it could be expensive for you as these cases rumble on for a long time usually, and aren't under a fixed legal fee.

If the will was written by a solicitor you are unlikely to have any grounds to contest it.

If the will is "homemade" it should still be valid if done correctly

But, if homemeade and the witnesses to the will are the beneficiary or the spouse of the benficiary then they cannot inherit anything from the will. So, worth asking for a copy of the will or getting it from the government website when probate has been finished [and it only costs £1.50]